Hidden Heartache
by shiinechan
Summary: Naruto, leaving his village behind, goes to Gaara with a plea for help and a secret. Contains mpreg, SasuNaru, and other pairings
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings:**SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

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A correction was made in chapter one. I referred to Gaara as Hokage but it should have been Kazekage. I corrected the misuse of glaze to gaze plus other grammar mistakes.Thanks for pointing some out.

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**Hidden Heartache**

Relief flooded through me as I approach the sand village; nothing had changed since I'd visited last year. The lonely yellow dry dessert sand longing for water filled me with sadness. In the past, I'd never felt a connection to the dried out sandy mounds, but now I couldn't help but feel incredible loneliness and longing. I shook my head, cleared my thoughts, and reminded myself this was not the time to dwell on unhappy things.

"Stop," a guard ordered, as I approached the main entrance.

"How can I help you?" I asked with a big smile plastered on my face, trying to appear completely harmless, while confident in the knowledge that I had every right in the world to be here.

"Let me see your papers," he ordered impolitely.

"I have a pass," I responded, pulling out a small blue card. Only an extremely important person could posses this card. The guard grabbed it from my hand.

"What's your name?" he asked, after closely examining the card, and recognizing its importance. His face held a mixture of shock and anger. The shock I could understand but the anger clearly written in his expression and visible in his eyes left me confused.

"My name isn't important. Just my clearance," I responded, pointing at the card.

"Is the Kazekage expecting you?" he asked, as he returned the card, politely handing it over.

"No but he will be happy to see me," I assured him, putting the card away and walking past him. The guard said something else to me, but I wasn't listening. His hospitality or lack of left me eager to leave his presence.

Laughing children ran through the villagers. One young boy chased the others around. They weaved around the people using the people's bodies as walls between the chaser and themselves. I smiled, watching the joy reflected on their faces. I tried to get closer to them. Mostly because I thought, their carefree life or feelings would rub off and I could absorb it. The children immersed in their game didn't stop and almost tripped me. A part of me wished I saw life the same way the children did and didn't see anything beyond my own happiness. I looked to the other villagers and admired their contentment. The people filled the streets, smiling and moving around. This village, bustling with life, reminded me of Konoha, and pain swelled in my chest as I felt a pang of homesickness. I shook my head and cleared all thoughts from my mind. It definitely wouldn't look good if I started to cry on a busy street. I silently told myself that Konoha was behind me.

Delicious smells of cooking food lofted through the air, causing my stomach to growl. I have a one-track mind and it was telling me to eat. The village has many restaurants all lively and active during the lunch hour. My hunger pulled me towards a sushi restaurant. Normally I wouldn't touch the stuff, but lately my food cravings had changed.

The atmosphere inside the restaurant relaxed my body. I breathed in aroma of fish and walked over to a small table off to the side. I watched the people laughing back and forth, their joy a definite tribute to Gaara's work as Kazekage. To bad, I won't be Hokage, I thought to myself as tears started to form as my eyes began to water, but now I am use to this feeling and quickly push the sadness away.

A young waitress, with brown hair and green eyes, walked over to me. I smiled and gave her my order and to my surprise, she smiled back. There was no hate behind her actions. She didn't ask me to leave, or do any of the things I would have expected in Konoha.

I filled my stomach with two orders. My limited finances forced me to stop even though I was still craving more. The fun and lively conversation in the restaurant helped me to relax. I listened to the sounds around me; a couple to the right made wedding plans, while the couple behind me talked about their son's second birthday party. I tried to picture my childhood birthdays, and the loneliness consumed me. Before I did something extremely stupid such as weeping at the table, I quickly paid the bill and left.

Finally, I arrived at the Kazekage's tower. The majestic building stood out. It's the tallest building around and the richest, so it looks more breathtaking than any other structure in the area. I walked through the double doors into the marble tiled entry, which I had done before, but not under these conditions. Two guards blocked the stairs leading to Gaara's office. I walked towards the guards filled with confidence and showed them my pass. They stared at it for a moment before the first guard asked, "Who are you?"

I ignored the question. "Do you have an appointment?" the second guard asked, after realizing I wasn't going to answer the question.

"No I don't have an appointment but Gaara will see me," I stated staring directly into the guards eyes, shifting my gaze between them. "That is why he gave me the special clearance."

Both guards looked unsure and confused. The shorter guard responded, looking at me with cold eyes. "Kazekage will return in two hours. You can wait here or I can have someone summon you when he returns, but you can't go up stairs."

"I'll wait here," I assured him, before walking over to the hard wooden bench. I didn't have anywhere to go, places want money in order to give you a room, and that was something I didn't have enough of. The nonexistent activity in the area was boring so I pulled my legs up onto the bench and against my chest, resting my head on my knees. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and fell into a restless sleep.

"Someone's waiting," a strangely familiar voice said, waking me from my sleep. I lifted my eyes to look at the unfamiliar surroundings. It took a few minutes before my surrounds became familiar. Someone was approaching with hard forceful steps. "I don't know a dirty, scruffy person," he said.

"Gaara?" I questioned slightly uncertain of his voice. I heard a surprised gasp as my eyes met his. He looked me over, clearly surprised by my changed appearance. "My legs fall off the bench and I started to rise, but the amount of time I spent in that position caused my legs to fall asleep and I started to stumble. Strong arms grabbed hold of my shoulders and guided me down to the floor. Gaara's scent invaded my senses. I looked up at him as my body filled with relief. "I need your help, "I said with a mixture of pleading and desperation.

My body was lifted off the ground. Gaara carried me towards the stairs leading to his office. The guards were tripping over themselves to open the door for us. After the door shut, I felt safe for the first time in weeks. The pain and fear I had experienced played in my mind and for the first time since I left Konoha, I started to cry. At first, I tried to muffle the sound with Gaara's shirt, but his gentle voice spoke, "Of course I will help you, so let it out." That was all I needed before wailing.

I don't remember anything else about that day. I was still sleepy from my previous nap and I ended up crying myself back to sleep. When I woke again, it was dark outside. The stars filled the sky, while the moon's light gave the room a soft glow. I turned to look around the unfamiliar room.

"You're awake?" Gaara asked.

I turned my eyes towards the voice and spotted Gaara in the doorway. Smiling I responded, "Yeah, but I still feel sleepy." I sat up stretching and let out a big yawn.

"The sun won't rise for a few more hours, so go back to sleep." Gaara pulled a chair up to the bed and started to pour water from the pitcher on the nearby table. He handed it to me and I drank the whole glass in one giant gulp before returning the glass. "Are you hungry too?" he asked a little concerned, while watching my every move.

"Yeah but I'll wait until morning." My stomach felt a little nauseous and I didn't think Gaara would appreciate me throwing up all over the room. I started to rub my eyes and felt the tear residue. My face turned bright red. "I'm so sorry," I said as my eyesight became blurry again; this time I wanted to cry from embarrassment.

"Stop that," Gaara said interrupting my next near breakdown. "You don't need to apologize for crying. Try to relax until morning.' He stopped speaking for a moment and moved to stare directly into my eyes." I hate to break this to you but you don't look well. We will talk about that in the morning. Right now you need more sleep."

"Yeah I'm still a little sleepy and this bed is really comfortable." My worn out body needed rest and until that moment, I wasn't aware of how much. I'd been living the last few weeks in hell, camping in the woods, but I wasn't feeling well, which is the reasons I came here.

"Go back to sleep Naruto. I will be nearby if you need me," Gaara said. He stood and glanced over at me before leaving.

I lay back down and looked around the nicely furnished room before averting my gaze back towards the window, which was right next to my bed. Watching the enormous night sky had become a habit since leaving Konoha. The massive dark blue sky with the sparkling stars always made my problems seem so small. If the stars could shine brightly in the vast heavens, then I could live my life here and on most nights, I would tell myself this. Soon my eyes became heavy and I fell back to sleep, and this time I dreamt of a safe warm place were I wasn't alone.

When I woke, the warm sunshine filled the room. A fresh outfit was placed on the bed along with a towel and a note addressed to me. I picked the message up and read it aloud. "Naruto, there is a shower to your right and here is a fresh set of clothes. When you're done, come down the hall to my office. No one will be here today, so don't worry about being seen, Gaara."

A shower, I thought jumping to my feet and hurrying towards the bathroom. A part of me feared the wonderful warm water was only a dream, or even worse, it would disappear before I arrived and I would be plagued with the nightmare of just missing my chance to feel human. My sprint towards the bathroom caused my legs to feel weak and a nauseous feeling in my stomach. It took a few minutes for me to compose myself before I proceeded to strip off my dirty clothes. I wore a tunic with a pair of black leggings. Because I'm short with a small build, I could easily pass as a girl, which is how I traveled. This outfit with my shoulder length black hair that I hoped would grow out soon only added to the girlish image. Originally, I had wanted brown hair but too much dye and no experience using the stuff left me with little control over the outcome. I looked at my naked body in the full-length mirror. It was a wonder that Gaara recognized me at all. I covered the scars on my face with makeup that I had carried. My dark black hair made my skin look paler than usual and made my blue eyes stand out. In the past few weeks, my healthy tan disappeared. I had lost a little weight in my shoulders and arms but gained some in the stomach area. I barely recognized myself.

The hot water soothed all my aches and pains. I scrubbed my skin raw with soap and used a generous amount of shampoo in my hair. When I was done, I felt like a new person, clean with fresh clothes. The clothes Gaara supplied were almost identical to the ones I just took off. The only difference was the color. Now I wore an orange tunic with royal blue leggings and matching sandals. I stopped wearing my trademark orange when I left Konoha because I would be to easily recognizable, but here it didn't matter because Gaara already knew me.

I left my room, heading down the hall. I didn't recognize this place before but now, I knew the place. The richly waxed floor creaked as I walked towards Gaara's office. The quiet abandoned halls relieved me. No one could know I was here. When I reached Gaara's office, I hesitated. What would I say to him? How could I explain my situations? Would he understand? But this was Gaara, and if he couldn't understand who would? We shared something and understood each other more than anyone else could. For a moment, I thought I should run away and maybe I would have if I hadn't heard Gaara's distinct voice saying, "Enter." There was no going back. If I tried to run, Gaara wouldn't let me leave. I slowly opened the door and walked in, trying to act as cheerful as possible.

"Hey Gaara," I spoke, as my eyes wondered towards his desk and the platter of biscuits and pastries. My stomach growled, while my face turned bright red in embarrassment.

"Have some," Gaara said, calling me over to a chair in front of him. "Unfortunately, I only have these. It's what I normally eat and asking for something else might raise some suspicions," he explained.

"Thanks, I don't think I could stomach anything heavier."

"Are you sick?" Gaara asked, while examining me with his eyes.

"No I just get nauseous sometimes," I answered before quickly changing the subject. "How are things here?"

Gaara must have realized my diversion ploy because he ignored my question and continued on the subject. "Uzumaki Naruto, you look much better today but you still look sick and what's wrong with your hair? It's hideous."

If I was going to ask Gaara for his help, he had to know everything. Deep down, I knew that Gaara was the only one who could understand. A part of me was still afraid he would abandon me, but another part knew how foolish I was being for thinking such a thing. Besides, he was risking a lot hiding me here. I couldn't keep up my fake happiness façade. I met Gaara's eyes before I spoke, "Hey Gaara." He snorted, but remained silent. Gaara's eyes never left mine and I continued to speak, "I'm in a little bit of trouble and need a some help and you're the only one I can ask." I stopped and waited for his response.

"A little bit of trouble? That's an understatement, Naruto. You've left your village and have been labeled a missing nin."

"I know it's a lot to ask. Our villages are on friendly terms and helping me could ruin all that, but I won't stay long…"

Gaara interrupted me, "Just tell me what happened. You aren't someone who would leave for no reason."

"It's a long story." I stated, trying to find the words. Gaara seemed to realize my troubles and folded his hands, waiting for me to continue. I took a deep breath and started to tell my story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings:**SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

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Hidden Heartache

**Chapter 2**

"Everything started a few months ago," I told Gaara, in a soft audible voice. Memories started to flood my mind, as if speaking that sentence broke a dam that had prevented me from recalling the events. I started to relive in vivid detail the day this mess began. It was a day that started out bad and only got worse as it progressed.

-------Flashback---------

Rain pounded the roof, waking me up from a deep sleep. I yawned and started to curse the weather. My body was still tired from the restless night sleep, which was plagued with dreams I couldn't stop, and to be honest, I didn't know if I wanted them to stop. My eyes gazed over towards the wall clock. I jumped out of bed, screaming, "I'm late, damn it." I dressed in record time, brushed my inch long hair, and put my forehead protector on. I skipped my morning shower and felt less than human, but I hurried out the door in the direction of the Hokage's tower.

It took five minutes of non-stop running before I arrived. My heavy breathing filled the empty hallway, as I bent over, trying to catch my breath. The voices on the other side of the door were involved in a deep conversation; the tone was series, but I couldn't make out any words. After a minute, I composed myself enough to enter. I smiled with false cheerfulness, opened the door, and exclaimed, "Sorry I'm late."

All eyes were on me, as I interrupted the meeting, but I didn't avert my gaze from the Hokage. Sitting behind her desk, Tsunade stared directly at me. When our eyes met and I could see instantly her displeasure. She tapped her fingers angrily on the desk. If looks could kill, I would have been dead the instant I walked through the door. I smiled once again and listened for the angry reprimand that was sure to follow, but only the steady tapping sound of Tsunade's fingers filled the room, so I waited but she continued to tap. It was time to diffuse the situation, so I tried to explain and apologize before her anger exploded, "See, I was…"

"Naruto I don't want to hear it," the Hokage said, cutting me off. She paused for a moment and took a deep breath before continuing, "You're an hour late and we're just about to wrap up the meeting, so just be quiet and follow along. I'm sure someone will fill you in on what you've missed." Her cold voice sent chills up my spine. She never talked to me using this cold tone. I stared at Tsunade. She had dark circles under her eyes and her hair lacked the absolute perfection it usually had. At that point, I knew something was bothering her.

"Who's this?" a strange cold voice asked. I turned to look towards the speaker. A girl about my age with icy blue eyes and reddish-brown hair looked at me. We were the same height. She stood straight, lifting her chin up, trying to appear taller, so she could look down on me. Even though she couldn't get her nose high enough in the air to gaze down at me, she felt completely superior. Immediately I hated her attitude and started to give her a chilly stare that mirrored her own.

I looked her up and down, planning my words. "Hey, who the..." I started say but another voice cut me off.

"Dobe shut up and listen," Sasuke ordered. "This is our client, Sayori," he explained. "Since you only recently made an appearance you missed the initial introductions." Yeah Sasuke has a way with words. He managed to comment about my lateness and stop me from verbally attacking our client, which I was about to do. Client or not, it still didn't matter, she didn't have the right to look at me like dirt. I looked straight into his amused eyes filled with superiority, which pissed me off. He was silently daring me to continue. My anger shifted towards him and his superiority complex, but before I could respond to his smug expression, our client spoke.

"Sasuke, who is this?" she asked disgustedly, latching onto his arm. Sasuke's body immediately stiffened along with mine. A part of me liked seeing Sasuke uncomfortable and another part wanted him to push her away. Sasuke didn't tolerate people and especially being touched by people, so this girl had a lot of nerve or at some point in time they really hit it off. Considering I didn't like her, either possibility seemed feasible because she was full of herself and Sasuke might like someone I hated.

"This is Uzumaki Naruto our team member," Sakura responded, pausing to let the news sink in before continuing, "He will be joining us as well." Sakura moved over towards us and put her hand on my shoulder, telling me to calm down and, in her own way, informing our client to back off. Over the years, Sakura and I have become close and we always support each other. I followed her advice and let myself start to calm.

"Won't he slow us down? He doesn't look reliable," she said ignoring the glare Sakura gave her; Even though I couldn't see it, I could feel the cold stare coming from behind me as Sakura tighten her grip on my shoulder.

Anger turned to confusion. "Why did she hate me so much?" I asked myself. Her face didn't look the least bit familiar, so we hadn't met before. Her enmity reflected the villagers; they even shared the same cold stare. Did she know about Kyuubi? I asked myself, but quickly pushed that idea away. She was from another village and about my age too. Kyuubi's rampage would have had little effect on her life and being from another a different place decreased the chances of her knowing about the fox. If she knew, she would have found out during her stay here. I expected people in this village to hate me. I lived with their coldness. These people hated me for something I didn't do or something I had no control over. The villagers keep their hatred a secret, and they are good at it. The younger generation has no idea why I am hated. This girl's time in our village wouldn't have lead her to Kyuubi or more importantly me being his container. One thing I've learned, the people of Konoha detest me, but they would keep the secret. I have no delusions. The villagers didn't do it for me but for themselves. The chance of another village using my power was far greater if they knew I had any, so they guarded the secret to prevent that from happening.

"Hey, I'm one of the best ninjas in the village." I said, hiding the anger and confusion behind a mask that reflected confidence. One lesson I learned from the villagers during the years was putting on a mask of indifference, cheerfulness, or confidence and it became a survival technique. Not for the reason you may think, it didn't stop the torment, but I learned to believe I felt those things. If it didn't bother me, then it didn't hurt as much, but later, usually at night, the suppressed emotions would surface, and in my lonely apartment, I would cry myself to sleep.

"Yeah, if you say so," Sayori said sarcastically. "Have you looked in the mirror, shortie? You look like a cross dressing girl. If you really are one of the best ninjas in the village then that doesn't say much for this village."

Anger started to build and my mask started to slip. I clenched my fist, resisting the urge to punch her. Slowly my rage calmed enough for me to speak, but before I could tell her off, Tsunade interrupted, "Sayori, Naruto is one of the village's best ninjas and he will be escorting you home. As Hokage and an ally to your village, your comments will only cause tension and mistrust, so remember you place." She paused for a moment before continuing, "Your uncle and I have been friends for many years, and I can guarantee you he would not be pleased with your comments or attitude."

Tsunade gets the job done. Not only did she treat an important ally with respect, but she also made her feel guilty about her actions and words, while preserving the village's relations. I would have screamed at the girl, causing tension that might take years to fix. Sadly, this reflection caused me to look at my inadequacies. My short temper and my inability to think before I speak could cause problems, and would have caused difficulties today, if Tsunade hadn't interrupted.

The door slammed, causing me to raise my head. Looking around I saw only Tsunade in the room. I was furious with myself. How could a ninja not notice three people leaving? Yeah, that says a lot about my ability. Sayori must be ecstatic. In one afternoon, I managed to prove her theory true. My mind quickly grasped the reason for the detachment, but before I could dwell on the subject, the Hokage spoke.

"Naruto," She started to say, but I cut her off.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's came over me."

"Kid, I've never seen you so disconnected. You're never late and even after you came, well your body might have been here but your mind was somewhere else."

"I'm sorry about being late, but I didn't sleep well and it seems to be effecting my entire day," I explained.

"Naruto, something tells me you haven't had one night of uncomfortable sleep. Anyone can see you're tired. Does this have anything to do with Kyuubi?" she asked.

"No," I hesitated before continuing, "I've been having strange dreams." That was all I planned on saying. If I had anything to say about it, no one would know about those dreams. I might not have clear recollection, but the parts that I do remember will stay hidden. They're uncomfortable and embarrassing to recall let alone share.

"What kind of dreams?" Tsunade asked in a soft soothing voice and if not for the nature of the dreams, I might have told her, but I gave her a look that said to drop it. After a long sigh, she continued, "Will you be alright during the mission? I can get Neji to replace you."

"No way!" I yelled. "I have never been replaced on a mission and it won't start now." Tsunade looked torn. I took a deep breath and calmed down before continuing, "Hokage I swear to you I can complete this mission and my distraction won't get in the way. I"ve never had a problem before. I would tell you if everything wasn't ok."

The room was silent. We stared into each other's eyes; Tsunade spoke, "Ok Naruto, I've never known you to let your personal feelings get in the way, nor cause you to become distracted at a crucial moment The client is the Shimokage's niece of Frost Village. She is difficult, but never forget who she is, and if you're going to be Hokage, then it's important not to damage relations with another village. During this mission, I want you to practice your social skills. Remember as Hokage, you have to contend with many types of people. Go home, get some rest and meet the group in front of the main gate tomorrow morning at five o'clock and this time don't be late." Tsunade smiled, but I could see tension in her face.

"I promise. Now it's your turn. What has you so agitated?" I asked.

She looked down at her desk. "So now you're doing the same thing I did. Naruto it's nothing. I'm just very busy," she explained.

"I've seen you busy and I've seen you mad, there is more to it. Come on share," I smiled.

"It's really nothing. I'm a little stressed," she paused, debating whether to continue. "Ok, lately the village elders have been fighting and the situation here has been tense."

"Is it a big problem?" I asked.

"Naruto, I have everything under control. What you need to do is worry about the upcoming mission."

Tsunade was right. We had different problems, and right now, we had to worry about our own troubles. I told her not to let it get to her. After that, no other words were needed, so I smiled, turned, and exited the office.

The door closed, and my body started to relax. "You look like shit," a familiar voice said. Turning towards the person, my eyes met dark brown ones. Sasuke leaned against the wall. His arms crisscrossed in front him.

"Sasuke, what are you still doing here?" I asked, shocked by his appearance.

He moved away from the wall. "I wanted to talk to you," he said. Before I could comprehend what he wanted to talk about and if I really wanted to hear it, he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door. He let my arm go and commanded, "This way." He turned away from me and walked down the street. As pompous as ever, I thought. He expected me to follow him like a dog would follow its master.

We arrived at the empty training ground. "What do you want?" I asked. Inside my heart beat faster, being alone with Sasuke made my skin tingle. For years, I denied my attraction to him, telling myself I just admired his skill, but my feelings only increased as time went by.

Sasuke lifted his hand up to push falling hair off my face and immediately I flashed back to last night's dream. _Sasuke gently caressed my check_. _He kissed me before trailing light kisses along my check, licking one scar with his tongue._ I forced myself back to reality and jumped back hitting my back against the tree. "Dobe, Whats wrong with you?" he asked.

"You surprised me," I explained, pushing my hair back. Sasuke stared at me with an intense glare. I had seen that look in his eyes before but couldn't place its meaning. I shook my head. "I'm tired," I said after a moment, trying to evade any conversation by turning towards the village, but he placed his hand on my shoulder. My body shivered from his touch.

"Are you sick?" he asked.

I desperately wanted to end this conversation. Sasuke's interest hurt; we could never have the type of relationship I wanted or dreamed about every night. "I don't get sick. I just didn't get enough sleep last night and my alarm didn't go off," smiling I continued, "Sasuke, I'd be careful; If people heard you, they might thing you cared."

He snorted and looked disgusted. Another piece of my heart broke, but I still smiled. "Dobe, we're teammates and if you're not one-hundred percent then it becomes a problem for all of us, but since your own stupidity caused you to be late, then you disappoint me and maybe you're not up to this mission." He paused and a small part of me thought he might care about my safety or well-being but his next words crushed that, "we don't need you to slow us down." I don't know why it surprised me, but Sasuke's concern wasn't for me but the mission. He always did have a one-track mine and usually it involved work.

"You bastard," I said, turning to hit him, but Sasuke started to walk away and I missed, breezing right past him. I tried to stop my body, but ended up tripping over my feet, landing face down on the ground. I turned over and looked up into his face. His body hovered above mine. I thought about the dreams again. My eyes widened, remembering the intense feelings. Sasuke shook his head and walk away. I watch his retreating back until it completely disappeared. Yep we can never be more than friends, I reminded myself and pushed up into a sitting position, while still thinking about the bastard.

Before leaving on a mission, Iruka invites me to a ramen dinner. I arrived first, but waited before ordering. When I eat out it's only at one place,Ichiraku. The cook there treats me with respect. He never gives me the cold look the other villagers do, nor does he treat me with contempt. The first time I met the old man, he went out of his way to be friendly. Sometimes I wonder, if that's the reason I liked the stuff so much. To be honest, as a child, I longed for human companionship. The old man saw me sitting on a step one day, invited me back for a meal and I've been a regular ever since.

Iruka arrived five minutes after I sat down. The moment I saw him I yelled, "Iruka, over here." He smiled and walked over. Over the years, Iruka remained unchanged; he treats as a father would treat a son. "I waited to order," I informed him, grinning.

"Well then lets order," he said, smiling back. We placed our usually order. Iruka talked about his day and the students at the academy. I loved to listen to his voice as he told stories. The dinner pleasantly blocked out any other thoughts. I was completely engulfed in the conversation, and didn't have to pretend to be happy, until Iruka said, "Naruto, Hokage tells me you're having strange dreams. What to talk about them?"

I nearly fell off the stool. My eyes widened, "I don't think so." Why did they discuss that? Did they talk about me often? My thought started to run wild. I thought back to what I said to Tsunade and then the dreams started to replay in my mind.

"Naruto, you should clear your mind especially before a mission." He paused and looked down, "I thought you could tell me anything." Iruka looked a little hurt.

"I trust you, but," what could I say? I trust you, but I'm embarrassed or I'm afraid you'll be disgusted by them, but that would be the same as saying I didn't trust him because I didn't believe he would be there for me no matter what.

Iruka stood up and paid for dinner. "I'll walk you home," he said. I nodded, knowing the subject wasn't over. We walked back to my place in silence. Maybe I could tell Iruka, I thought. He could tell me I was ok or help explain the dreams. A part of me would not accept these dreams as being my mind's way of telling me I was secretly in love with Sasuke, but deep down inside, I knew it was true.

We arrived at my door. "Iruka would you like some tea?" I asked. He walked in and sat down. I looked through the cabinets and discovered I didn't have any tea or for that matter anything at all to drink other than old milk.

"That's ok Naruto. Come over here so we can talk."

"I'm sorry. I don't keep extra stuff," I started to explain.

"It's fine," he paused, looked me over, smiled and then continued, "Lets talk."

"About what?" I asked, trying to evade the topic.

"How about what's bothering you? I heard you've been having trouble sleeping because of bad dreams."

"The dreams aren't bad just embarrassing, and they keep me from sleeping. " He was waiting for me to continue. There was no way out of this. If I didn't tell Iruka, he would be hurt and maybe our relationship would suffer. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath before I softly spoke, "In these dreams, well, I'm kinda doing it with someone."

My face turned red and I avoided looking at Iruka until he started to laugh. "I'm sorry, it's just, well, I was imaging horrible nightmares you didn't want to share, but what you're dreaming about is normal and natural. I would be more concerned if you weren't thinking about it and dreaming about sex is ok."

Normal and natural, he said. I thought back. Sasuke embraced me repeatedly at night while I slept. Then I thought about how he treated me normally. The dreams would never come true. Maybe I was a sadist and loved to torture myself because he would never love me as he did in my imagination. I was a demon and an idiot and Sasuke probably liked girls. I knew he couldn't like me and in that moment something snapped and I could feel tears sliding down my cheek.

Iruka stopped smiling. His eyes widened. "Naruto, whats wrong?" he asked. He stood up, walked over to me, and pulled me into a tight hug. I pulled away, lifted my hand to wipe away the tears, and started to apologize, but he spoke before I could get the words out, "Don't apologize. Tell me why you are crying."

"I can't." Nevertheless, I knew he wouldn't accept that so I continued, "It's just that I can never be with the person, and I really like him." I slammed my hand over my mouth. I said him. I didn't want Iruka or anyone to know my dream lover was a man. I felt sick from tension.

"Naruto, who you love, is who you love. Male or female it doesn't matter. I don't hate you or think any less of you because you like another man." He pulled me into his arms and patted my back. My body relaxed.

I pulled away and wiped the tears tracks again, making sure no sign of them remained. "Thank you. I don't know what came over me." I said.

"You needed to get it out, that's all, but why do you think the situation is hopeless?"

"Oh Iruka, he hates me. He thinks I'm beneath him."

"I don't think you give yourself enough credit." He looked at me and then asked, "It's Sasuke?"

"How" but I stopped myself. He was only guessing, and I pretty much gave it away.

"Don't look surprised. I do know you."

"But," I was panicking. "Is it obvious?" I asked.

"Only to me, but Naruto I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Maybe Sasuke feels the same way you do."

"That's impossible to him I'm just a nuisance and sometimes a liability. Besides even if he did, his greatest ambition is restarting his clan, and that is something he can't do with me."

"I'm so sorry. But someday Naruto you will find someone special because you're an amazing person." My cheeks started to turn red, but he continued, "and if Sasuke can't see that then he doesn't deserve you."

"I know. Thanks Iruka, I feel better," I said hugging him.

We said our goodbyes, and I started to feel better. Packing occupied most of my thoughts before bed. I prayed to whatever god might be listening to let me have a decent night sleep, and after getting everything out in the open, I thought it would happen.

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A/N: Thanks for the reviews. A few corrections were made in chapter 1. One was calling Gaara "Hokage" and not "Kazekage" and the description of Naruto's clothes slightly changed. The new revised chapter is up.**

**Serina Rose: **It's going to be sad for a while, but I like stories with happy endings.

**Suzaku24: **I writing chapter 7 now but three and up are still rough drafts, since I'm my own beta reader each chapter takes awhile to edit.

**Lord of the Onion Rings **and** Genbo: **I will try to update every week. I'm now editing chapter 3 and finishing up chapter 7

**Shadow Kisne67: **I hope you like the next part as much as the first.

**ruby mist: **Sorry about the cliffhanger, but it was the best place to stop. Please continue to review because I love feedback and constructive criticism. You are right about the clothing, I was picturing a one-piece tunic type top (think of the Luke Skywalker in Star Wars but not that color) with pants like Sakura's short leggings but they are normal length and stop above the ninja shoes. I need to work on outfit descriptions and I failed to notice it during my proofreading. I hope this clears it up.

**Hunter Hatake: **I plan to finish the story. I hope you continue to read and leave feedback

**Wolfwhispers: **I'm glad you liked it and I'm writing as fast as I can.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

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**Hidden Heartache **

**Chapter 3**

The sound of footsteps across the room forced me to sit up and turn towards the disturbance. I felt someone's presence by the door. If closing my eyes and pretending to sleep would be enough to send the person away, I might have done it. I'm not a coward, but I dreaded seeing someone else in my room and until the moment I saw the person, then it was part of an overactive imagination and not real. I forced myself to look, confirming my fear. The moonlight shone through the window, filling the room with a soft light. My eyes widened the moment I saw Sasuke standing in the doorway, looking down at me from across the room.

"Sasuke, what the hell are you doing here?" I asked.

He stood there and said nothing as he watched me fidget. I swallowed and considered saying something else, but he spoke before I had a chance. "We didn't finish our talk," he said in a low voice.

"Yes we did," I insisted, pushing my legs over the side of the bed and stood.

Sasuke pushed me back down and I fell on my rear. "Bastard, what are you doing?" I asked.

"I wanted to see you," he said.

"It's the middle of the night," I responded, sweet formed on my skin and my heartbeat faster. His clean fresh smell filled me and my body reacted to his presence. Sasuke and I were alone in the middle of the night by my bed; my body trembled at the thought.

"Are you sure your not sick?" he asked closing the space between us, but I leaned back on my elbows, slightly propped up, trying to keep a safe distance. He put his palms down on each side of my shoulder to support his weight. His eyes met mine, "you're sweating all over."

"I…." but no other words came. I closed my eyes against the intensity of his gaze. He leaned forward touching his forehead to mine and I bit my lip to suppress a moan. The hardness between my legs increased. I wanted to touch it and relieve the tension, but I couldn't.

He pulled back, "What's wrong Naruto?" he asked, but the look in his eyes told me he knew exactly what was wrong. He leaned forward again and bought his mouth close to my ear, "you're hot," he said.

I moved my head back, laying it flat on the bed. My knees were still bent over the edge and I looked up at him. My heart beat faster. He looked up and down my body before stopping at the bulge in my pajama pants.

"I can see the problem now," he said. His hands started to caress my body. He leaned down and touched his soft lips to mine. I resisted his first kiss and embraced his second one. Our tongues fought for dominance. His forceful desire left me submitting under him. Slowly, my nightshirt buttons were undone one by one. The shirt fell open exposing my chest.. My eyes met his and my body wanted everything he had to offer. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, the room was empty with no sigh of Sasuke. The alarm buzzed, my pajamas were on, and inside my pants sticky. Another dream I thought, pushing the blanket aside and slowly walking towards the bathroom and a cold morning shower.

Breakfast consisted of the usual an instant ramen cup and slightly stale milk. It's not the first time I've had less than fresh milk, so I'm use to it. I keep shopping down to a minimum. Going out in public can be painful. Some people stare, while others "unintentionally" bump into me, usually hard enough to push me down. When I enter a store, the reaction is mixed, but not in a positive way. In the closest store to my apartment, the wife follows me around like a thief, saying hateful things just loud enough for me to hear, and the husband puts bread and damageable items at the bottom but remembers his duty as a shopkeeper and thanks me on the way out. Therefore, to sum it up, one shopkeeper openly expresses her hatred and the other pretends he's not doing it while he destroys my products. As for me, I pretend not to notice and ramble on to anyone in earshot range about dinner or the products.

That morning my alarm rang earlier than usual, which I'm grateful for since it stopped the dream, but I set it not to be late again. I ate my breakfast in less than five minutes and in three minutes; I cleaned my mess, grabbed my pack and ran out the door.

The sun started to peak over the horizon and filled the air with little light, but very few people are out this early, leaving the streets quiet and peaceful, so I didn't meet the usual contempt and easily walked towards the meeting area. To my surprise and delight, I arrived first. I sat down with my back against the tree, and closed my eyes. The rustling in the tree above forced me to jump up and look towards the sound. At first, my mind was in disbelief. Sasuke sat in the tree looking down. Before I could respond, he jumped down and landed to my left. I stared wide-eyed not ready to face him alone, nor have his body so close. The intimate dream still played in my consciousness, as I desperately tried to calm myself and erase any signs of discomfort.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, sitting back down.

"This is where we're meeting, Dobe," he responded making me look like a fool, for asking such an obvious question.

"You know what I mean. We have about thirty minutes before the meeting time," I responded back.

"Dobe, I always arrive first, so being here early isn't strange, but you being here this early is unusual."

"Well, I'm full of surprises. You're strange, wasting your morning, hanging around and waiting for us to arrive," I smiled and continued, "Sasuke, are you lonely? Is that why you wait, so long for us?" I felt like a bastard that morning. His presence invaded my sleep and now invaded the private time I hoped to enjoy before the mission. I was determined to make him feel uncomfortable.

Sasuke looked down at me and smiled back, "Some people take pride in their work, arriving early, never late. I know it's hard for someone who doesn't understand success to comprehend, but try to see if from a dependable person's point of view." He knelt down in front of me and continued, "Naruto, you're here extra early this morning, Are you lonely?" he asked.

I jumped up. That was completely unexpected. I didn't see him turning my question around. I'm always lonely but that wasn't the reason for my early arrival. "Sasuke, I'm a responsible ninja, ready and eager to start a new mission."

Sasuke smiled, leaned in and spoke a little lower this time, "but that doesn't answer the question. Are you lonely?" He was close enough where I could feel his breath on me. I shrugged and moved back hitting the tree. The closeness between us made me uncomfortable. "Why are you afraid to answer the question?" he asked, as his eyes stared into mine.

"I…" but I didn't know what to say. Sasuke continued to move in. Leaves started to rustle behind us. For a moment, I thought Sasuke looked pissed at the disturbance or maybe he wasn't done torturing me. Until I collected my thoughts, I believed Sasuke was going to kiss me or do something equally intimate. After awhile I realized the error of my thinking. He was just teasing me, which was nothing new, but my dreams caused different thoughts and desires inside and I might have wished for the intimacy and forced myself to read Sasuke's actions all wrong.

Sakura, Sayori and her companion arrived, a male bodyguard in his mid-twenties. He's a jounin racked ninja, and, personally, I didn't know how he put up with such an annoying brat, but he was her personal bodyguard. Sometimes first impressions are hard to change, and from the short period of time I spent with this girl yesterday, I didn't like her. She ran up to us and greeted Sasuke, "Good morning Sasuke," she said. I cursed under my breath, as she passed by me with no acknowledgement.

Sasuke nodded his head but said no words to her. I smiled to myself, pleased with his stoic behavior. Sakura addressed us both in her chipper morning greeting and Sayori's bodyguard, Sato, nodded; I secretly wished Sayori exhibited the same behavior and not the loud clinginess she showed.

My opinion of the client remained the same. She avoided and refused to look towards me. I tried to ease the tension by walking up to her, but before a good morning escaped my lips, she had moved over to talk with Sato. Yeap she despised me, I thought. While waiting for our tardy teacher, I tried to find a reason for her disgust. I did nothing to her, but her discontent was evident, and my presence seemed to be a major contribution to it. She completely ignored me, not that I minded. To be honest, I didn't like her either; my anger and dislike towards her was justified because she had poor taste, which she demonstrated by hanging all over Sasuke, so as you can see I wasn't jealous or anything and I had every reason in the world to feel what I did.

Kakashi arrived early, well on time but for him that's early, and finally our mission started with little suspense. Kakashi walked in front, Sakura, Sato, and Sayori in the middle and Sasuke and I pulled up the rear. Sayori, not satisfied with the arrangement, tired to walk next to Sasuke.

"Why can't I walk next to Sasuke?" He is obviously the best ninja out of these three." She directed towards Kakashi. At that comment, Sakura visibly winced, but I remained unresponsive to her.

"Sayori this is my team and I know the most effective placement of the group," Kakashi responded in a way that indicated he would listen to no other discussion on the matter.

I mentally cheered, until I realized it meant I would be next to Sasuke. I'm a balanced person and the torment Sasuke's been putting me though left me feeling uneven. It's not just my dreams, but his close presence because it makes me recall the passion and desire. The first day, we traveled a few yards behind the rest. Close enough to call out to the group but unable to have a normal conversation. The only source of verbal exchange would be with Sasuke and I wasn't prepared for that. Our positions changed during the day, we walked side by side down the path at first but sometimes that wasn't possible. This happened when the path narrowed, which force us into a single line. When Sasuke walked in front of me, I hate to admit this, but I stared at him and not in a friendly way and cursed all the time spent with Kakashi and Jiraya because their perversions started to rub off.

The quiet time spent during the first day gave me the opportunity to reflect on my sexuality. A part of me denied any feelings towards Sasuke, while the other part accepted it. These feelings went beyond friendship. Did I love him? I couldn't answer that, but I did lust after him. He is drop-dead gorgeous with dark hair and eyes that pull you in and connect to your soul. I hated to see him brood over past mistakes and I thought about him all the time, but sometimes that was because of the dreams. What's not to lust after? If the dreams represented my inner most desire, I wanted Sasuke and walking along side him, I still fantasize about him. I want to reach out and kiss him, feel his hands all over my body and make me scream his name. Yeah the questions I had concerning my sexuality slowly diminished each day.

In the beginning, when I started to like someone, it was Sakura, but I never thought about doing the things with her that I longed to do with Sasuke. She's cute and nice but it never went beyond that. Occasionally I thought about kissing her. With Sasuke, I longed for more. Kissing wasn't enough, I needed more, but that didn't mean I was gay. Did it? Did I lust after males, or is Sasuke a special case?

"Dobe pay attention," Sasuke ordered, pulling me from self-reflection. Well, that's an understatement since I nearly jumped out of my skin. When you're debating about being gay and the object of your desires starts to talk, well it can take years off your life.

"I am," I lied and watched him smile. He didn't say anything, but he was obviously amused by my discomfort. He stared directly into my eyes and for a moment, I panicked. Would he see my dreams and desires? They had to be clearly written across my face. I averted my gaze and cursed myself, for not being able to handle things better.

We walked in silence for the rest of the day, with Sasuke behind me. Maybe he thought I would lag behind, or he needed to watch me but he wouldn't allow me to close the distance and walk with him. "Dobe, don't be a slow poke," he would say when I tried. Then it hit me and my heart skipped a beat; he thought I was inadequate and needed watching, but I didn't show these fears. I wanted to look back and see his expression and I missed being able to watch him walk but I dared not turn around because he would see the fear in my eyes and on my face.

Then it hit me. If he knew about my feelings, I would lose the connection we had. It wasn't the first time I thought about this, but I never contemplated losing his friendship and gaining his contempt. He would leave and never look back, but maybe we needed distance. It would hurt not being around him but I would live. If Sasuke ever looked at me with the same cold contempt as the villagers, I couldn't live with that. On the first day's long walk, I devised a plan. The less time I spent with Sasuke the best. We might lose our friendship for the time being but he wouldn't despise me.

The plan was simple: remove myself from Sasuke's life. We would still be teammates but other than that, we would have no contact. I would stop all conversations and fighting matches. To keep Sasuke's respect, I would build a wall between us and it would start now.

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A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed. Your reviews help me see how the story is going. This chapter has been slightly edited and the unedited version can be found at**

**www. adultfanfiction . net / aff / authors . php ? no 1 2 9 6 7 8 6 9 2 9**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings:**SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

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A/N: Finally after editing and revising the chapter is done. I'm not completely satisfied with it but I can't keep changing it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and keep letting me know what you think. I corrected the glaze/gaze error in the previous chapters. Thanks for letting me know.

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**Hidden Heartache **

**Chapter 4**

Having a plan gives power because you're no longer praying or hoping for the best but taking control. After I devised a strategy, which might not have been complex but it gave me hope. I didn't think to far in advance, which isn't something I'm good at, but planned on taking each situation as it came. It was the basic idea that I gained something that gave me relief and for the first time in weeks, I slept peacefully, and awoke the following morning refreshed, alert and ready for watch duty. I smiled and hummed to myself, enjoying the dark predawn day.

The clear sky allowed the bright stars to illuminate the area. Sasuke sat, leaning against an oversized oak tree. His gaze looked up towards the sky. His face appeared younger when at ease and content. I envied his ability to feel free but smiled at his attractiveness. I took a deep breath, clearing my head of all inappropriate thoughts, and started to build a wall between us as I walked over to relieve him. My mind replayed what needed to be done, little conversation and contact.

"Sasuke, I'm here." I said, but he didn't respond. He heard my approach because it's rare to sneak up on him when trying, so not trying was impossible; he has a six sense that alerts him to anyone entering his personal space, which covers a large area. Sasuke sat staring at the stars ignoring me. Sometimes I wonder if he sees me as an annoying insect or pest. Normally I would yell, or call him names but today was different. I had a plan and a new outlook. Immediately, I started to distance myself from him both emotionally and physically. I sat down using the tree next to him as a backrest. Sitting in silence was something completely unexpected and unusual for me to do, but I didn't think he would notice, or worse yet, he would be pleased with the peace and quiet. Dread crept through me and my heart beat faster. Maybe I was the only one that thought we were friends, and the distance between us would be a welcome relief. But that's what I wanted and needed to do, or, at least, that's what I told myself needed to be done to stop the feelings. If for a moment, I thought he didn't care to see me again, my heart would break, but if he despised me, I couldn't survive that. Being an annoying pest is better than being an evil monster with disgusting thoughts.

We sat quietly for thirty minutes before Sasuke spoke, breaking the eerie silence, "What's wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. My body stiffened and tensed as millions of thoughts went through my head. I looked directly at him with wide stunned eyes, thinking about my secret. Did he know I lusted after him? I asked myself. I mentally counted to ten, as my body calmed when I approached the end and I forced an innocent look on my face.

"You're never this quiet. I didn't think it was possible. By now you should be babbling about something." He stated. His eyes stared directly into mine almost challenging me to say otherwise.

A light cool breeze fluttered through the air as he spoke. As we traveled north, the weather became colder. I hated being cold even as a child. I remember during an unusual cold spell, curling up in my room, unable to get warm. It was one of those times I'd wished someone would hold me, and I would imagine a person's arms around me, keeping me warm, but that never happened outside of dreams. Maybe it has something to do with Kyuubi's power being related to fire, but for some reason, I feel cold more than anybody else does. I shivered, turned from Sasuke and pulled my legs close to my chest, and curled my arms around my legs, trying to shield myself from feeling vulnerable from the cold and Sasuke's gaze. "Maybe I don't have anything to say," I responded after a few seconds. Once again, silence filled the air. I waited for a response but none came. If there was a god, Sasuke would leave me to my thoughts, but as I discovered long ago, my prays would be ignored and he continued to sit beside me.

"Sasuke aren't you tired?" I asked, trying to suggest that he leave. After all his watch was over, so why stay? For a moment, I thought he would ignore my question.

"Not really," he responded.

Frustration started to build inside of me. How could I put distance between us if I couldn't keep us physically apart. I wanted to hit my head against the tree, but thought against it. In the end, we sat in silence side by side. I caught myself wanting to make a few comments or tell him something, but I stopped before I spoke, and reminded myself of the plan and the reasons for it. We could only be teammates and not friends. I could no longer share my thoughts or feelings with him. Sasuke cannot look at me like the others do, I silently told myself. It was that pain and realization it might happen that kept me from giving up and starting to talk, but I strengthen my resolve. The distance between us hurt. When I'm with Sasuke the loneliness disappears, but today I felt alone sitting by him, but this had to be done and it was working; last night I didn't dream about him. I pulled my knees even closer to my body for warmth and sat silently beside him, as the loneliness consumed me.

"Why are you so cold?" he asked, but I couldn't answer him, so I shrugged my shoulders and continued to perform watch duty.

"Dobe if you're not feeling well go back to sleep, I can handle this," Sasuke said.

"Who said I'm sick?" I asked, puzzled by his concern and assumption.

"You're freezing and acting strange. If you're not sick, then what's wrong?" he asked.

"Sasuke I don't get sick, but I hate the cold. Everything's fine so you can get some sleep." I said, but I didn't want him to go. He needs to stay away, I thought before continuing, "Tomorrow's going to be a long day and if you don't get more sleep you will get bags and dark circles under your eyes and trust me with your complexion they will stick out and destroy your perfect image and the illusion you've created for our client. She will be devastated when she wakes up and you're not your beautiful self."

"As if I care," he stated. " Maybe you're the one concerned."

"What do you mean?"

"Well it appears you put a lot of thought into things that could ruin my 'beautiful' appearance."

"Excuse me," I said, shocked by the connection he made. "If you lose your one redeeming quality than what else is left." I said. Then trying to distract him from the topic, I continued, "Besides the mission is just starting and you will run yourself down, so go back to sleep."

"Unlike you I don' t require a lot of sleep."

I stopped myself before continuing. This is how our fights start, I thought. If he didn't want to leave so be it. The morning will arrive soon enough.

We didn't speak again and the hours together in silence felt like days. Kakashi voice was a welcome relief the following morning before he commented on the situation, "Don't you two look cozy sitting together. How romantic, watching the sunrise." My faced blushed at his innuendo, which usually happened with any mention of us together. Embarrassment filled me. I should have jumped up and screamed at Kakashi for making a disgusting comment. Words wouldn't come out as I looked up dumbfounded. I froze at the mention of a romantic moment and Kakashi stared at me with a look in his eyes I couldn't place.

For the first time since I met Sayori, I was happy to see her. She appeared behind Kakashi, yawning. Her eyes turned towards us. "It's a shame Sasuke feels you can't handle watch duty and needed to watch over you," she snorted and smirked before walking away. But her comment broke the tension and for that I was grateful.

For a moment, I wondered if that was the reason Sasuke stayed with me. Did he think I was incapable of a simple watch? I was shocked and hurt. While I questioned our friendship, I had never questioned his respect. My mouth opened to asked, but I quickly closed it. I wouldn't ask. It wasn't important right now.

"Naruto,." he started to say, but stopped. I looked at him and our eyes met before he spoke again, "Never mind, it's not important." But his expression said the opposite. His eyes held an unusual kindness. Sasuke wanted to say something important, but why did he stop? I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

The group ate in silence. Normally we eat chatting about random things and even when we are with clients, the conversation doesn't stop. Now that I think back, I did most of the talking, but everyone enjoyed it. They laughed and talked along with me. Now everyone accepted the silence and the quiet seemed typical, but it wasn't and the only one who noticed it was me. I looked at my teammates. Their expressions held a peaceful calm, while the quiet was killing me. I spent most of my childhood without conversation and even now when I am alone the silence makes me feel uneasy. Then it hit me, maybe I wasn't just an annoyance to Sasuke, but to everyone. My body shuddered at the thought, as I forced it from my mind.

The journey became monotonous. For the next four days, nothing happened. We traveled using the same formation, which left Sasuke and me bringing up the rear, but we never spoke. We quietly walked side by side, performing our duties. Sometimes I could feel his eyes on me, but when I looked towards him, he would be staring somewhere else. It's my imagination, I thought.

At night, Sasuke remained during my watch. At first, I was annoyed. Did he trust me? I asked myself. After the second night, I enjoyed his presence. We still didn't speak to each other but having him close was comforting. I still kept my distance, but knowing he was there relieved my loneliness, but left me longing for our previous relationship. I wanted to tell him about all my discoveries and thoughts. If Sasuke noticed my strange behavior and distance, he kept it to himself.

As we traveled north, the weather got colder and snow started to fall. Sayori's village was located at a high elevation, so we were traveling up as well. Yesterday morning we hit snow. It started out as a light dusting on the ground, but now it stopped just below my calves. Walking became painful as the cold penetrated my boots and pants. I longed for nights, when we were no longer walking in the stuff. The nights were painfully cold, too. I curled into a small ball to conserve heat and I wrapped my legs in a blanket keeping them warm before I would be forced back it.

I longed for warmth. Each day that past moved me closer to tolerable weather. Only two more days, I said to myself that morning. In that time, she would be home and the mission accomplished, so we could travel back down towards the village and bearable weather.

Did I mention before that god hates me? Well, on the fifth day, our mission met an obstacle or I should say an ambush.

We traveled steadily towards Sayori's village. The weather became bitterly cold the higher and further north we went and everyone on the team started to feel its effect. At first, it was amusing watching Kakashi rub his hands together and Sasuke wrap his arms around his body, but, in the end, the effects of the cold weather hit me harder than the rest and as we continued, it became hard to move. Each step became a constant struggle. I didn't want to be a liability and Sayori's comments about my incompetence constantly plagued my mind, so I decided to hide my troubles.

Sasuke noticed my difficulties and started to make harsh remarks, "come on dobe or you will live up to your reputation of being last, but maybe you can't help it." The comments where meant to keep me moving and not to hurt. We still walked in the same formation, and I don't know if anyone else noticed with the distance between us and the snow falling.

As I struggled, the space between the groups grew. Sasuke stayed close by but we could barely see the others through the snow. We were all cold but I was on the verge of passing out. My body shook thinking about it. Sayori would love to see me falter. She still detested me for some unknown reason. We had yet to have a conversation. To be honest, I was a bit envious of everyone else. I could tell the girl was kind. She would have chats with Sakura and they laughed together preparing the meals. During mealtime, she sat beside Sasuke, asking him questions and trying to get to know him. Sasuke remained his distant self and I was strangely relieved. I can't explain why it bothered me to think about it, but it did. Anyway now wasn't the time to debate showing Sayori any weakness. I needed to concentrate on moving and staying focused on our mission.

During mid-afternoon, the snow fell heavier and a sound to our left drew my attention. Before I knew what hit me, I was being pushed back behind Sasuke and ten ninjas appeared separating us from the rest. Sasuke immediately raced towards them and Sayori's bodyguard pushed her behind him, mirroring Sasuke response.

The blinding snow made things difficult, and with my sluggish body, I leaped towards the ninjas. As my hands and body moved but before my fists made contact, something hit me from behind. My head started to ache and blood trickled down my neck. It became increasingly difficult to stay conscious. I heard Sasuke's voice calling me and I focused on that and continued to fight, but I was being pushed back. My body started to sag. I no longer had the ability to stand as my knees started to buckle. Before I knew it, my attacker slumped down on the ground. Sasuke stood behind him. I mentally cursed my weakness and struggled to stand. Sasuke turned around to discover a group of ninja's approaching us. Kakashi, Sakura and the others were gone. The scene before us was bleak. Sasuke started to talk but I couldn't hear him. Then my sight blurred and I could no longer see as everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings:**SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 5**

Wrapped in warmth, feeling heat, that made the cold bearable, I awoke and felt protected and cherished. Disorientated my mind focused on the area but I was too exhausted to process the information. A voice called out, "are you awake?" but I couldn't find the energy to respond before my body fell back to sleep.

Slowly consciousness returned. My body moved on instincts towards the warmth. I started to process the situation as I felt a soft steady up and down movement. Something wrapped around my waist holding me into place. I focused my eyes as my mind started to process the situation. There was a body below me and an arm wrapped securely around my waist. My heart beat faster as I tried to recall the circumstance that lead to this situation. The person's breath caressed and tickled my skin as parts of me started to respond to the sensual situation. With curiosity, dread, and anticipation, I turned towards the person's face. Sasuke's dark brown eyes met mine. The throbbing in my head distorted the situation, leaving me unbalanced. Sasuke stared into my eyes with a hard look, forcing me to turn away from its intensity. His naked chest came into focus. Thoughts started to run wild. Why would Sasuke be half-naked and so close? Didn't these dreams stop? Then it hit me. Everything became clear this was another dream.

Days passed since my last dream. My body craved the feel of his hands. This time I initiated contact and closed the distance between us, brought my mouth to his, and kissed him. At first, he didn't respond; then our kiss became a battle. We both wanted to dominate the other. Our tongues fought, but I submitted to his force. The heat between us rose, sending shivers through my body. The dreams were always intense, but this time it was different. I needed and craved this feeling and longed to be touched and for a brief moment in my fantasies, it happened.

---edited--- (see below for link to unedited version)

Sunlight seeped through the shelter's opening, causing my eyes to squint against the light. My body half-awake longed to slip back to sleep. I closed my eyes. The ground was hard but the heat from another person made the situation comfortable. Another person, I thought surprised as my mind started to process the situation. The slow breathing against my neck and the feel of a heartbeat was unusual but calming. Someone was holding me. I opened my eyes, blinking them until they adjusted to the light. I recognized the thermal sleeping bags that kept us warm but the ice shelter was new. How did I get here? I asked myself. My clothes and Sasuke's hung on a string above the small opening that acted as a door. The remains of a small fire caught my attention and I looked up see a small ventilation shaft for the smoke to exit. How long did it take Sasuke to dig out an ice cave? Did he find this? No he didn't find it, he made it and considering his abilities it didn't take long. Sasuke's musk smell filled my senses. I tried to move from his embrace when a sharp pain shot up from my rear. I managed to pull out enough to look at his peaceful face deep in sleep. Then the situation replayed in my mind; our bodies snuggled together naked under a blanket and the sharp pain in my butt. Slowly I recalled the previous day. Ninjas chased us, I passed out, and then the vivid dream. I froze. 'Was it a dream?' I asked myself. My hand moved to my rear and I touched the sticky substance, proof of last night's activities. I looked at Sasuke again. He had dried cum on his stomach. Everything pointed to one thing: Sasuke and I had sex.

I stayed in that position for the longest time. Maybe if I didn't move this wouldn't be real, I thought, but my mind kept repeating the truth. It's not a dream. A part of me still had trouble believing it. If dreams are wishes or our inner most desires, then I should be happy because mine came true, but I didn't feel anything. I was numb.

The danger and the situation forced me back to myself. Sasuke slept peacefully beside me. I reached my hand out to touch his arm. I needed to wake him. My hand shook the closer it got to him, but I forced it still. His skin was warm, too warm. I pressed my forehead to his and the heat seeped through me. The feel of his skin was too hot. I looked at him again. Sweat formed on his skin. It was cold, yet he was hot. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Sasuke was burning up.

I shook Sasuke's body, calling his name but there was no response. He needed help. Quickly I cleaned and dressed us, ignoring the pain that shot up my spine every time I moved and my headache didn't help the situation either. It was freezing. I analyzed the situation. There was no fire but there had been one, so that meant we weren't in serious danger, and Sasuke hadn't kept watch, which further indicated we weren't in immediate risk or maybe he physically couldn't do it. No the last part didn't make sense even if Sasuke was half dead he would do what needed to be done. It made sense now. Our nakedness and sharing a blanket kept us alive; we shared our body heat with each other. Last nights memories started to replay in my mind, but I forced them away. Now wasn't the time. Sasuke's fever needed to be dealt with and his lack of consciousness terrified me. I had to hurry but I couldn't leave our blankets behind. A night without them and we would die. I stuffed the most important things into one pack and secured it on Sasuke's back. I lifted him up, wrapped his arms around my neck, and carried him piggyback style.

Sayori's village was high up and down slightly in a little valley according to Kakashi. She talked about hot springs all throughout the village and I wanted to be soaking in one now. I couldn't say for sure this was the right direction but it was going up. I walked all day through the snow but barely noticed the cold. The heat from Sasuke's body caused both fear and comfort. Fear because his temperate was too high and comfort because his body heat warmed me up.

The setting sun and the cooling temperature forced me to stop. I tried to wake Sasuke again, but no response. A part if me wanted to curl alongside him, sleep, feeling his warmth. Walking gave me something to focus on, but now that I stopped the hunger, tiredness, and cold started to overwhelm me. Shelter needed to be set up, but I couldn't move. My mind started to play tricks on me. I heard noises and sounds not associated with nature, but they seemed far away. Then the sounds approached, I recognized dogs and something being pulled on the snow. It's a sled, I thought. My body and mind reacted to the danger. If I ran, I could only take Sasuke with me, there was no time to secure the pack to his back, Sasuke couldn't survive with his high temperature in the cold without it, and I didn't think I could either. Also could I outrun an approaching sled carrying Sasuke? No probably not, so the only thing left to do was fight, but first I had to move away from Sasuke. I didn't need him to become a liability. With Sasuke hidden behind a tree, I walked towards the sounds, drawing my weapons. This time I would protect him.

The approaching sled would arrive before I could move a safe, satisfying distance from Sasuke. Tears of frustration and desperation threatened to fall. I turned to look back towards him. He was out of sight that had to be good enough because no one would get past me. The setting sun provided a dim light and I focused on the approaching object. As the sled drew near, my mind started to ask questions, why would enemy ninjas approach with so much noise? The more I thought about it the stranger the situation seemed. Then I heard a familiar voice. It took me a second to connect the voice with a person. It was Sakura.

"Sakura," I yelled, my voice filled with a combination of disbelief and excitement. The sled, pulled by dogs approached with Kakashi driving it.

"Naruto," Kakashi said, jumping out of the sled. He looked behind me then all around before he asked, "Where's Sasuke?"

"Oh, he's over there." I said, awaking from my shock. "Kakashi, he has a high fever and has been sleeping since last night." I mentally cringed, thinking about his last memories before falling into a deep sleep. No not now, I thought, pushing the straying thoughts from my mind.

Sakura felt Sasuke's forehead, she listened to his chest, felt his pulse and pulled his eyelid up to examine his eyes, before asking, "Naruto was Sasuke hit with something?"

"Hit with something?" I asked, not completely understanding the question.

She opened his eyelids again before speaking. "His lungs are clear but his pupils are dilated. He's been drugged or poisoned."

"I don't know." I responded answering her previous question. I touched my head where the dry blood matting my hair together. "I'm sorry but I passed out. I didn't see anything." I said my voice near panic.

"You've been hurt." Sakura stated and moved over to examine my head. She felt under the dry blood before speaking, "It's almost completely healed. Kyuubi's abilities are amazing."

Kakashi dragged Sasuke to the sled. We followed close behind. Our top priority was getting Sasuke to a place where the poison could be analyzed and an antidote administered. "We have to hurry back to the village. The doctors should have an idea about the type of poison used," Sakura said.

The ride was a blur as my mind started to wander and focus on the things I did wrong: I didn't tell anyone about my difficulties during the journey, I couldn't handle myself in a confrontation, I couldn't help Sasuke or even know what happened to him, but I wouldn't let myself recollect sleeping with him that was too much. I crossed the line of our friendship and the lasting results were hard to grasp. During my reflection of the previous days, Sakura started to explain what happened after our separation and I was grateful for the distraction. Nevertheless, my mind couldn't comprehend everything she said.

Arriving at the hospital, Sakura took charge and rushed Sasuke inside, while I sat in the waiting area. My mind focused on every little detail. The three long wooden benches set against the wall with the nurse's station down the open corridor. The walls had blue, pink and yellow patterned wallpaper. I found each area where the pieces of paper met and counted the sections before turning my attention up towards the fluorescent light. The images from the past twenty-four hours replayed again. The dream that turned out to be real and I initiated the contact. He was sick my mind said as I recalled the heat from his body, which now seemed unusually hot.

"Naruto," a voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned my head and for the first time realized, I wasn't alone. Kakashi was sitting next to me. "Naruto, what's wrong?" he asked.

I looked at him, dazed and confused. What should I say? Should I tell him the truth? He'll find out when Sasuke wakes up. Will Sasuke tell him every little detail? I could almost hear Sasuke's voice telling the world what an easy fuck I was and that I couldn't get enough of it, or would he tell everyone that I took advantage of his weaken state. "I let Sasuke down." I finally said.

"Naruto you were hurt. Sometimes that happens on missions. Sasuke wouldn't blame you," Kakashi responded.

"Kakashi, you don't understand. I let Sasuke down as a ninja and a friend. In the worse way" I said, as my voice cracked from the near panic. I had to tell him everything.

"I don't understand."

"I.." but before continuing, Sakura came through the door.

She smiled, "everything's fine," she said reassuring us. "The poison has an antidote and the village hospital already has it."

"What kind of poison is it?" Kakashi asked.

"It's called pestiferous. It causes a high fever and the person becomes delirious and irrational before sleep takes over. It takes about twenty-four hours before the antidote completely destroys the poison, but he will make a complete recovery," Sakura said.

"They used a non life threatening poison because they couldn't risk killing me." Sayori said, approaching from the main corridor with a tall middle-aged man.

"We have imprisoned the group. It appears they were hoping to use Sayori in a ransom demand," the tall man said.

"Ransom?" Sakura asked.

"Yes one of our ninja's fled and started a new village. He hoped to negotiate for our secret scrolls. I'm to blame," the man spoke. His voice became sad, before he continued, "See Akito was my student and felt some of our policies were wrong. He was the surviving member of his clan and blamed another clan within the village for their destruction, but there wasn't anyone to blame. Sadness consumed him before it became rage. He vocally spoke out against the village and the lack of justice. He felt nothing would be accomplished so he left, but not before stealing our sacred scrolls or so he thought."

"My uncle understands all of his students and had a hunch that he was going to do something drastic, so he changed the scrolls without telling anyone," Sayori added.

"It's been twenty years since then and he hasn't given up. I know him and he knows me and how precious my last family member would be to me."

"So that's why you requested escorts." Sakura added.

"Holding back information is dangerous and damages our villages' relationship." Kakashi said.

"Kakashi there are always threats to the village leader's family. It's been years since we heard from Akito, so there was nothing concrete to report. If I had known my niece would be in danger, I would have sent a whole team to meet you."

"My apologies. You're right…"

"No need for apologies. It's been a long day. Let's just be grateful nobody was seriously hurt and the young ninja in there will make a full recovery."

"Naruto, I will show you to the inn." Kakashi said turning towards me.

"No I will stay here and wait." I said noticing only Kakashi and Sakura were around to hear. Where did the others go?

"Naruto, I know you feel bad, but I will stay with Sasuke. You've been hurt and need to rest too. You're tired and becoming distracted. Go rest," Sakura said taking my hand.

"Come on Naruto," lets go. Kakashi put his hands on my shoulders as he turned me towards the door. Slowly we walked with Kakashi in the lead.

The cold air hit me as we walked down the street. Kakashi's slow pace forced me to walk along side him. The silence was unsettling but I couldn't say anything. A part of me wanted to reassure Kakashi everything was fine but the words stayed lodged in my throat. Guilt started to gnaw away at me. The silence continued. My head slanted downward, with a mixture of guilt and shame as I avoided eye contact. I wanted to disappear. How could I face Sasuke? Tears threatened to fall. No, I wouldn't cry, I told myself. I was so lost in thoughts that I didn't notice we turned towards the inn and tripped on the bottom step leading inside. Kakashi caught my arm and helped me regain my lost balance. I looked up and met his eye. He looked shocked at my clumsiness and a little concerned. Why wouldn't he? I tripped on a step and appeared to have no idea what was happening.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah just tired." I didn't want to talk, or maybe I couldn't and Kakashi understood because he didn't press for anything more. He guided me towards my room and inside a single bed with a heavy looking blanket, resting on top caught my attention. I babbled on about a nice long nap followed by a hot shower before turning to say goodbye and shutting the door. My body barely made it to the bed as my mind replayed the previous night's activities. I wanted to scream as I tried to stop the memories but they wouldn't end. Sasuke's touch and the feel of him inside of me overwhelmed me as the guilt and shame filled me. Tears started to fall and they wouldn't stop. I pulled myself onto the bed and curled up. Mental and physical exhaustion finally won out and my body fell into sleep.

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**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Thanks to all the people who reviewed. It's because of your comments and support that I had the motivation to continue writing this story. **

**This chapter has been edited. The full version with the sex scene can be found at**

naruto . adultfanfiction . net / authors . php ? no 1 2 9 6 7 8 6 9 2 9

Just remove the spaces.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

**

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Hidden Heartache

**Chapter 6**

For the second day in a row, I awoke in an unfamiliar room. Stiff and tired from a night of tossing and turning. I eased my body up, stretched the sore muscles, and appreciated the loss of my headache. The sun's intense rays filled the room as I made my way towards the bathroom. The short walk forced me to feel my aching muscles and curse the last few days. The small bathroom felt inventing with its light green walls and white shower curtain. My jacket stuck to sweaty soaked skin. I chuckled at the thought of sleeping with it on as I removed it. The rest of my clothes followed the jacket to the floor at a painfully slow pace. Everything seemed to hurt this morning. The full-length mirror reflected back my naked body. My red swollen eyes looked tired and unfocused. I touched the tear tracks running down my cheeks. Light bruising marred my skin. Kiss marks left by Sasuke, I thought, before turning away, not wanting to look at my body.

The hot water ran down my back as I scrubbed the grunge and sweat. My skin started to wrinkle but the hot water enticed me to stay longer to clean the dirt away. I groaned when the water turned cold, forcing me from my sanctuary.

The last few days replayed in vivid detail. My thoughts wandered too long on the memories that needed to be forgotten. "Damage control," I whispered and started to think. Sasuke wouldn't want anyone to know what happened. In the beginning, he would hate me, but I could get his trust and friendship back. Eventually he would get over it, but if others knew what happened, he would appear badly in their eyes and, in turn, he would become disgusted with me. The cold stares and judgmental people had power. They could change people because their opinion mattered. Sasuke and I could work this out, but not if others got involved. This would have to remain a secret between the two of us. Sasuke would keep it a secret. He never talked about his personal life and thoughts. Besides, he would never admit to sleeping with another man. No, he would if it benefited him, but our situation didn't. He had nothing to gain but to humiliate me and he wouldn't be angry enough to do that.

When Sasuke awoke, I needed to be by his side, the first face he saw. If he blurted something out while groggy, it could be devastating. A bedside vigil was needed. Kakashi and Sakura would be concerned and confused. They would try to convince me to leave like last night, but eventually, with careful planning, they would believe guilt forced to remain by his side, and that was true but not in the way they would think. Then when he opened his eyes, still weak from the poison, I would convince him to keep our secret. Yes, this plan would work.

I bolted out the door and down the stairs. Kakashi's called out, "Naruto," before I could get away.

"What?" I asked looking back at him. "I'm in a hurry."

"What about breakfast?" he asked.

My stomach growled. It had been days since I'd last eaten, but now wasn't the time. I needed to see Sasuke. My heart raced, imagining Sasuke sitting up having a long and enlightening conversation with Sakura. "I am going to eat at the hospital."

"Here," Kakashi said, passing an apple. "You can eat this on the way." We walked in silence, until Kakashi spoke. "I've never seen you this concerned about Sasuke. I didn't realize you were so close."

My blood ran cold. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Last night you refuse to leave him. Now you won't stop to eat and you're rushing to the hospital."

Kakashi saw too much. He was always watching. When I fought with Sasuke, I'd imaging him grinning or smirking under his mask. Sleeping with Sasuke convinced me that I loved him. It wasn't lust like I'd originally thought. Over the years, Sasuke became the most important person in my life and the dreams told me what I wanted and needed from him. With my feelings settled, I was ready to deal with all questions that might arise. "I blame myself for him getting hurt." I did feel guilty about that and would show the guilt over my failure as a ninja. It might not have been the entire truth but it was part of it and the best way to hide a lie was in part truths. I continued to explain, "Besides the bastard might retell the story from the part where I got hurt and leave out his own difficulties just to make himself look better," I said, adding a competitive edge to my reason.

"Does it bother you he might tell a different story?"

"What?" I asked.

"You said you wanted to be there when he woke because he might leave a few things out."

Damage control I thought. "Kakashi I want to be there when he wakes up. His fever was high and I couldn't help him. I need to make sure he is ok." After I said it, I realized it was true and even if I didn't have ulterior motives I would still be doing the same thing.

Kakashi's mask bunched up and his eyes shut. I could see the outline of a smile forming on his lips.

Apple juice dripped down my chin. My stomach's empty pit started to fill and demanded more. The hunger hit me harder than before because now my body knew what it wanted. I paced myself forcing the apple down slowly, hoping I didn't look like a pig. Kakashi walked in front, leading us to the hospital. I vaguely remembered the way, so I followed his lead. The hospital stood out among the other buildings. The modern large exterior was hard to miss.

I threw the chewed up apple into a garbage bin before climbing the steps. We went straight to the second floor, where Sakura waited. "Sasuke should be waking up soon. His fever is down and the drug's effect should be gone in the next few hours," she said, smiling.

"So he will make a complete recovery?" I asked.

"Yes Naruto he will make a complete recover," Sakura reassured.

"Can I sit with him?" I asked. My lips curved up into a smile, pretending that the news of Sasuke's complete recover helped turn me back to normal. "I want to be there when he wakes up, so he can see the best ninja. After all, I didn't need hospital care," I gloated.

"Sure Naruto," Kakashi said, adding, "I have to take of some business but I will have breakfast sent to you. Sakura you've been here all night you should get some rest."

"I will, if there's any…"

"Of course I will call you." I said, cutting her off and smiling before turning to enter the hospital room.

Sasuke's pale skin almost matched the white sheet underneath him. His face relaxed in sleep with neither the stress nor the sadness that consumed him by day. I expected some discomfort or pain but couldn't find any trace of it. He looked younger. I lifted my hand over to brush a piece of hair out of his face.

When Sasuke first returned, the people in the village treated him with a mixture of hostility and indifference. They hated him one moment and the next they didn't care. The village wanted the Uchiha bloodline to continue. Sasuke returning and not serving prison time, but only receiving a slight reprimand proved that. When someone leaves their village and the repercussion is a year of house arrest followed by no solo missions, it's not hard to see how unfair things can be. I didn't hate Sasuke for his fortune. In fact, I was happy to have him back. While he was gone, I dreamed of saving him, talking with him, or being with him but not in an erotic way. No those dreams started after his return. As a child, I admired him and wanted to be like him, and those feelings continued after his return, but along the way, my admiration turned to lust and desire.

At first, it was hard to reform our group. Sasuke and I had issues from the time he left Konoha, but slowly we worked them out and became closer. I no longer competed with him, he was friendlier, even to the point of inviting me out to lunch, which led to a weekly tradition of going out for ramen, and sometimes Sakura and Kakashi would join us. This year he gave me a birthday present. I'll never forget that day. He wrapped it in blue cloth. I was sitting on a large rock by the training grounds and the fact he remembered my birthday shocked me and getting me something, well that was too much to process at one time, which was apparent when I fell off the rock. He proclaimed it wasn't much, but a coin given to him by his father had to be worth something. I can still here his words, "Here, it's not much but you risked a lot for me and helped me get back my life. This coin is my last connection to my childhood dreams. I can't have those dreams but at least I'm closer here in this village."

I realized later he was saying goodbye to his past. His action told me, he wouldn't chase Itachi or power anymore. We were friends and his gift showed that. Sometimes I questioned our friendship. During our training, I once did a super cool move and pinned Sasuke to the ground and he exploded. His face turned red, he threw me off him and walk away, leaving me to train alone.

I continued to watch him sleep, wondering if he would do the same for me if our positions were reversed. I want to say yes but I'm not sure. Besides my motives for being here are not innocent, so I can't really complain.

After hours of holding a bedside vigil, my mind started to wonder. In simple terms, I was spacing out. I didn't realize he was awake until he spoke in a raspy voice I barely recognized, "Dobe are you trying to look stupider than normal."

"Sasuke, you're awake!"

"Water," he squealed out and I filled a cup and brought it to his lips. His hands came around mine as he took the glass. I helped lift it to his mouth. His hands enclosed around mine. My skin tingled where he touched me and memories of his fingers touching and exploring my body played in my mind.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, my voice stuttering.

"How long have I been here?" he asked, avoiding the question.

"Since last night, you had a high fever when Kakashi and Sakura found us." I told him, watching his face closely for any reaction.

"Yeah, we were separated and you were hurt. Are you ok?" he asked. I wanted to laugh at his concern. I wasn't in a hospital bed. I nodded and his worried expression turned dark. "How could you have been so stupid?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," I said cutting him off from anything else he might say. I didn't want to hear any negative comments. "I didn't know…." I started to say before he cut me off.

"You didn't know! I've been watching you."

"It's not what you think." I said, jumping out of the chair. "I…" what could I say? I had sex with him and now he was angry. "Sasuke, I'm…." What sorry? It was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened? I didn't know? None of those things would make it better or change anything. I almost lost it. I could feel my vision blur and soon the tears would start. Yeah that's just what I wanted to do, cry and beg him to forget. I didn't think it was possible to humiliate myself and further then I already had but I was wrong. Crying hysterically would do it.

"Calm down. Don't you think you're over reacting a bit? It was stupid to pretend to be well when you couldn't fight, but you've done stupider and more impulsive things in the past and didn't cry over it. Are you ok?" Sasuke asked, looking at me concerned.

My mouth opened and words came out, "I was feeling a little sick but we were almost there. I don't like to be weak and needy," I said but my mind was somewhere else. Why wasn't he talking about what we did? Did he not care about what happened at all? Did he not want to mention it? Maybe he wanted to pretend it never happened or he wants to watch me squirm before throwing it out in the open. He looked tired but still lucid. "Sasuke what did you mean when you said, you were watching me?" I asked.

"Baka, you couldn't concentrate. It took all your strength to keep up. There was something wrong and you were hiding it."

"I remember fighting. My head hurt, my vision started to blur, and I passed out."

"The fight was almost over. You had problems from the beginning. The battle didn't' last much longer and before they left they shot darts at us. I managed to dodge most of them but one. I realized it must have been poisoned or drugged, so I picked you up and started to look for shelter. I found a large mound of ice and created a cave. I went back and made a fake trail just incase, but they weren't after us. During that time, I became tired and I barely made it back. I just managed to hang up our wet clothes before falling asleep. What happened next?"

I paused and stared at him. Did he not know? Did he want to forget or pretend it never happened? Maybe the drug affected his memory. "When I awoke the next morning you had a high fever, so I carried you. I didn't know which way to go, but I headed up. Sakura and Kakashi found us, probably with the help of his dogs and then you were brought here." I said, leaving out some parts.

"I see. Why are you still here? I been awake for a while watching you stare off into space."

My eyes widened, "I'm here to make sure your alright." I responded.

"I didn't know you cared," he said smirking.

"I…," I paused and collected my thoughts. "Sakura stayed all night and Kakashi had business to take care of, so that left me." But I wanted to stay, I said to myself.

"I'm awake now, so you can leave."

"What?" I asked.

"As always to slow to understand. Get out," he ordered

"You're throwing me out?" I asked but already knew the answer.

Sasuke never repeats himself, so he just stared. His expression said everything. My presence was no longer wanted or required. At that moment, I knew. He didn't remember. I don't know how I was certain but his expression told me everything.

"Well, since our hero will be alright then I better go. Bye asshole." I said walking out the door. I let our conversation slip back into its regular form. I hid behind my mask refusing to allow him to see my pain.

I headed towards the inn. This time I knew the way and walked back, through the crowds. Sakura was exiting as I was arriving. "Why aren't you at the hospital?" she asked.

"Oh Sasuke's up and he kinda throw me out." I said laughing.

"Naruto what happened?" She was frowning, looking intently at my face until she focused on my eyes.

"I was a little annoying." I said, but I didn't know how. "It doesn't matter. At least now, I can get some more sleep." I said walking past her.

"But you wanted to see him and make sure he was alright. He shouldn't have told you to leave."

"But he is alright. Besides, I'm tired and hungry. Want to join me for a late lunch?"

"No I should go check on the patient. See you later Naruto."

'Bye." I said and walked to my room. Sasuke didn't know, so everything should be ok. Now, I needed to forget what happened. But could I? And why did my chest hurt so bad? This is what I wanted. It never should have happened and now I could hide the truth and it would be like it never did happen. I should be happy. Everything is just the way I wanted it, so why am I crying?

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**AN: Thanks to all the reviewers. Your comments and reviews show me what works and what doesn't. I hope the chapters are not too long maybe I should shorten them. Unfortunately, Naruto is going to be suffering for a while longer but things will work out in the end. I hope everyone keeps reading and reviewing. Chapter 7 is almost done but it still needs to be edited and without a beta reader, it takes a while to correct my mistakes**.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

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**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 7**

It took the group three weeks to return home. Sasuke needed a few days to regain his strength before we could leave, but the time difference in travel was because we didn't push ourselves. The cold was still unbearable, and, this time, Sasuke made it a point to tell everyone each time I stumbled, making it difficult to hide my weakness, but it worked out ok. We stayed at a hot spring for rest and relaxation. Nothing beats immersing the body in hot water, but I made it a point to avoid a naked Sasuke. It was easy. I pretended to be hungry and gorge myself on food until he was done. I felt sick later but the long soak that followed helped. We had to share a room, but I arrived late, yawning and fell asleep instantly or at least pretended to. For three days we managed to avoid speaking, it wasn't obvious, and it renewed my courage to avoid him.

So, from the time we left the inn, I made it a top priority to evade Sasuke and it was a challenge. See he didn't remember what happened but it didn't mean that someday he wouldn't, and if that happened, he would despise me for lying to him. Well, I really didn't lie but omitted important details from our mission and even I couldn't kid myself into believing that I was doing the right thing. Besides, being next to him was awkward and it hurt.

I learned that avoiding people could be difficult unless you absorb yourself in something else. The person being avoided tends to wonder why and you might not want them to know that you are avoiding them. So ignoring Sasuke would tell him something was wrong, and he might wonder about that. Normally, it wouldn't have matter, but if he thought to hard about it, then he would recall memories that needed to be forgotten, so I talked about everything. Sasuke in his normal polite tone told me to shut up, but I ignored him and it felt good. Eventually he put distance between us walking further back or in front. He helped me ignore him and I felt free. It didn't matter that we had sex. I could put that behind me and forget. Maybe not as well as Sasuke did, but the more time that past and he didn't remember the better I felt. I understood my feelings and it no longer bothered me. I would never tell him I loved him or let others know. But then, I realized something else, as Kyuubi's container, my love life will be nonexistent, but for one brief moment, I knew what it felt to be held and those feelings would last a life time. I now knew what I couldn't have and accepted it.

The closer we got to the village the more excited I became. I was finally home. We reported our mission to Tsunade and then we were free to go.

"Naruto," Sasuke said.

"Yes," I responded and Sasuke waited until Kakashi and Sakura left before speaking.

"How about I treat you to lunch? There is something we need to talk about." I froze but I knew he didn't remember. A part of me wanted to find out what he wanted but I couldn't be alone with him. Maybe after a few months things would be better but it's only been a few weeks.

"Sorry Sasuke, it's the first day back and there are things I have to do," I told him. "How about another time?" I asked.

He watched me for a few seconds before responding, "Never mind it wasn't important." Then he left. I watched his back get smaller as he moved through the crowd. He never looked back and my eyes followed him until he disappeared from sight.

After a mission, Iruka and I get together and talk. Since it took longer then expected to get back, he would be surprised, relieved and happy to see me. I pictured his stunned eyes and elated smile.

Classes were still in session when I arrived at the academy, so I sat on the bench outside the front door. Shortly after, parents arrived to pick up their kids. They chatted with each other as far from me as possible. It was apparent who their low whispers pertained to as they pointed and quickly turned away whenever I looked up. The cold stares and unfriendly attitude are usual. I learned early on to ignore this behavior and it no longer phased me. Now there is numbness inside me. This negativity happens often but I don't feel anything. Later after dismissal, kids ran in every direction. One parent patted a boy on the head, while one girl ran and wrapped her arms around her mother's waist. I stood and walked down the empty corridor towards the teachers' office.

"Iruka I'm back, "I said. He looked up and smiled. I headed towards his desk, when a foot appeared out of nowhere. I tripped, and fell on my face.

"You need to be more careful," the foot's owner said. I didn't recognize this teacher and thanked anyone who might be listening that I was never his students.

I nodded to acknowledge his comment and walked over towards Iruka who was now approaching. He looked angry and ready to pounce the other teacher, but I couldn't allow that to happen, so I blocked his approach. "It's ok, lets go," I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the door.

Iruka didn't speak until we were outside, "Why did you stop me?" he asked.

"It wasn't a big deal. I was clumsy and tripped. Maybe I need to apologize for being...

"Don't," he commanded, interrupting me. "You wouldn't have tripped if he didn't stick his foot out and you know he did it on purpose."

"I know it wasn't an accident, but I'm use to it and …" I wanted to say it wasn't a big deal but that wasn't true.

"It's ok Naruto." Iruka said touching my shoulder. "Your back and that's something to celebrate. Right?" I smiled as he changed the subject.

"Ramen?" Iruka asked.

"Of course," I said. It had been weeks since eating my favorite food.

"Then why are we standing here, let's go."

It took us five minutes to arrive. We sat in our usual seats and prepared to order. Everything was normal until I took a deep breath and instead of craving the ramen, my stomach felt nauseous

"Miso flavor?" the owner asked, knowing my normal choice.

My head moved up and down in an affirmative manner. I took deep breaths, trying to settle my stomach. Iruka ordered the same and we waited.

"Naruto are you ok?"

"Of course," I responded.

"You look pale and your breathing funny."

Before I could respond, two steaming bowls were placed in front of us. The miso scent filled the air but instead of inhaling, I tried to force myself not to breath. The thought of eating this stuff made me sick. I pushed the bowl away, telling myself I wouldn't throw up. The bowl fell off the other side of the counter, breaking into many pieces by the cook's feet.

"Naruto what's wrong?" Iruka asked, grabbing hold of my arm.

"I..." but before finishing the sentence another wave of queasiness hit.

"Are you alright?" Iruka asked again.

"I don't feel so good," I responded as I stood up and walked away with Iruka following behind.

"Are you sick?" he asked.

"I don't get sick, but my stomach feels a little funny."

"Maybe it's something you ate."

"I only ate fruit."

"Maybe that's it. You've been traveling and haven't eaten much. Your stomach needs time to settle and get back into routine before you consume the foods you ate before you left. Come on, I will walk you home. A little rest and you will feel better in no time." Iruka said.

I nodded my head in agreement and walked towards my apartment and the further I got from the restaurant the better I felt.

"Naruto rest and you will feel better."

"I'm already better," I told him.

"Nice try." Iruka followed me through the door. "Maybe some tea will help, or something light." He opened the refrigerator and the smell of rotten milk filled the air. This time I couldn't stop myself. I ran to the bathroom and emptied the entire contents of my stomach, which wasn't much.

"It's ok," Iruka said, as he rubbed my back up and down.

"The smell," I said, hoping he would understand.

"Oh the milk," he said. This time just the mention of it had me heaving in front of the toilet again. After a few minutes, Iruka spoke again, "I'll be right back." He left me sitting on the floor. My head started to pound but my stomach felt a little lighter, emptier.

"Come on Naruto. Brush your teeth and drink some water." He walked me to bed. "Do you need me to stay?"

"And what watch me sleep? No thanks, I feel better now. Maybe I had some bad fruit this morning."

"I'll stop by later. Oh and the refrigerator is cleaned," he added.

"Thank you, now I think sleep is a good idea." I yawned and dozed off.

It was dark when I woke from my afternoon nap. I cringed at the thought of sleeping during the day. That was something I hadn't even done as a child. Now I felt good and very hungry. My stomach growled in response and I laughed at its intensity.

With nothing edible to eat, I grabbed my wallet and headed out. The supermarket was closest but with my inability to make anything but a ramen cup, which was definitely out, I headed towards a string of restaurants. The smell of fish and sushi filled the air and I wanted it. I hated the stuff but today I craved it.

It was a cute dimly lit restaurant with small intimate tables. I scanned the menu posted by the seating area and decided on a mix sushi platter. My mouth started to water thinking about eating each piece covered in wasabi sauce.

"Excuse me, but we are all booked up," the host said.

The restaurant had plenty tables. I looked back towards the man and met cold hard brown eyes filled with hate. No the restaurant wasn't "booked up"; it didn't serve me. My hand moved to my stomach, touching the seal. "Oh, I need a reservation," I said, smiling and pretending I didn't know the real reason. I laughed, made excuses and left. This incident reminded me why I only eat at one place.

I walked slowly out and back towards my apartment. When I turned the corner, I started to walk faster. I needed to get home. Usually these problems don't happen because I prevent them. I don't go to restaurants. I avoid people. I don't put myself in these painful situations. I'm not a sadist. I learned a long time ago not to let it bother me. I don't have enough tears to cry when someone is mean to me. But, I could feel them coming on. I wanted to cry. What's wrong with me? I asked. I hurried down the street and ran into something. My body fell backwards and I looked up to see Sasuke staring down at me.

"What are you doing here," I asked.

He looked up and down the street before answering, "Last time I looked it was a public place," he said.

"Yeah it is, but tell me why you're hanging out in the street in front of my apartment,"

"Dobe, obviously I'm here to see you."

"Go away," I said. I couldn't deal with him.

"I have a message for you."

"Fine then, tell me the message and leave."

"Kakashi canceled practice for the rest of the week," he said

"Why?"

"He's been sent on another mission."

"Oh, ok thanks for letting me know." I said and at that moment, my stomach growled. If I could kick myself without it drawing attention, I would have done it.

"Hungry," he asked, smirking.

"Yeah, I was going to get some Sushi." I said.

"You hate sushi and you're not going to find it inside your apartment."

"I was but…." I couldn't tell him the truth. I let no one know how badly I'm treated.

"But…" he said coaxing me to continue.

"It's too late to eat."

"It's 6 o'clock. I think you'll be ok. Well, unless you have an extremely delicate stomach." He had that smug, arrogant look on his face, the one that pisses me off.

"Bastard,' I said

"Just come on," he said walking towards a sushi bar.

"What are you doing, and why do I have to follow you?"

"You're the one that's hungry," he said guiding me towards the takeout area. "What do you want?"

I picked the largest mixed sushi platter. He ordered it and I pulled out my wallet to pay but he stopped me. "It's fine. Next time we go to lunch it's your treat."

"Ok," I said. We walked out and he handed me the platter.

"If you want Sushi, don't let anyone keep you from it."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Of course you don't." he said sarcastically then paused, "Naruto there's something I would like to talk to you about."

"Naruto there you are," Iruka said interrupting our conversation. He turned towards Sasuke and said hello before turning back to me "You should be resting."

"I was hungry and wanted sushi," I said defending my actions

"I have chicken soup. It's lighter and should be easier on your stomach"

"I'm feeling better. Besides I really want Sushi."

"Naruto you hate Sushi," Iruka responded. "I don't want you to get sick again."

"You're sick?" Sasuke asked.

"Not really," I stated.

"Who's sick," Sakura asked coming up from behind Iruka.

"Sakura what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I have a message from Kakashi, "she responded.

"I already gave it to him," Sasuke said.

"Anyway who's sick?" she asked again.

"No one," I said but they weren't going to give up, so I added, "My stomach was bothering me earlier but now it's ok. It was probably something I ate."

"I don't know Naruto. First your sensitivity to the cold and now a stomachache maybe you should see Tsunade," Sakura suggested.

"Sakura has a point and you didn't tell me you were sick during the mission," Iruka added.

My headache was returning. Everyone was coming at me from different angles. "I'm fine. I don't need to see a doctor. Now if you will excuse me, I'm hungry." At that point, I turned towards my apartment and walked away.

"Wait Naruto, take the soup."

"Thanks Iruka. I really do feel better." I said. "Oh and goodnight everyone," Then I walked inside.

I ate everything: the soup and the large sushi platter. I couldn't get enough, and then after I had a full belly, I yawned. I was still tired. It surprised me especially after a long afternoon nap, but why fight it? I stripped to my boxers and fell into bed. My eyes felt heavy and quickly I fell asleep.

I heard a voice calling me. I turned towards it. This place looked familiar. I had been here before. "Who's there?" I asked but no one answered. I walked down the dark corridor. I could feel intense heat coming from ahead. I continued towards it. Whatever it was, it was calling me. A red light caught my attention. I walked towards it and entered the room. The large metal bars stood ahead of me. "What do you want?" I asked, fully aware of who called me here.

"To talk," Kyuubi responded.

"About what?" I asked. Not entirely pleased with the situation,

"How are you feeling?"

Kyuubi knew I was sick and maybe was responsible. "What do you mean?" I asked, but my voice was laced with suspicion.

"Now isn't the time for attitude, Brat," he responded.

"You know my name use it if you want to talk," I stated.

He stared at me, sizing me up before he spoke again, "No now isn't the time. Get over yourself and when you're ready come speak with me. There are things I need to tell you but only when you're able to listen."

"Get over myself," I screamed but before I could continue, my body moved from the room or did the room move from my body. I was going backwards down the corridor but my legs weren't moving. "Wait," I yelled but nothing happened. I was being dismissed. Almost instantly, I sat up and looked around the room. Now awake at 3:30 in the morning, I groaned and cursed the fox for interrupting what could have been a peaceful slumber.

I tossed and turned for a while thinking about our conversation. Kyuubi wanted something or had to say something important. I didn't believe for a moment his question about my health had anything to do with concern. He was responsible for my sensitivity to cold. Could he be responsible for more? I forced myself to stop thinking. At this point in time, I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep and hopefully it would be in peace.

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**AN: Thanks to all those wonderful reviewers. I have the whole story mapped out, so I will finish it. When I outlined the story the flashback part wasn't suppose to be this long, but I kept adding stuff that I thought helped move the story along. We should be back to the main timeline in the next one or two chapters. Since everyone seemed to like this length or wanted it longer then I won't shorten the chapters. Chapter 8 is halfway done and will take me a few days to finish writing. Then I have to edit it and post it. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

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**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 8**

For the next week, I didn't dream of Sasuke or visit Kyuubi. I felt at ease no one knew what happened and I believed it would stay that way. What really surprised me was the amount of food I ate and the different types of foods I craved. Mostly strawberry yogurt and fish, especially tuna and salmon were my favorites. I couldn't stomach ramen. When I thought of my favorite food, I felt sick. Iruka was still concerned and stopped by to check on me in the beginning. He even invited me out for ramen. I told him no and that I was okay, but the thought of miso ramen reminded me of the other day and it wouldn't be good to eat it now. The nauseous feeling was still associated with it, and if I tried to eat it, then I would get sick. One other thing bothered me; I was becoming accustomed to afternoon naps. For some reason, I was very tired.

The first day Kakashi returned, he assembled our group for a light practice. It was late in the afternoon, so the meeting wouldn't be long. I hadn't tried to practice the entire time he was gone, which was unusual, but with my constant fatigue, I did other things that required less strength, like cleaning. I scrubbed my apartment from top to bottom. A couple of days ago, I over did it, while washing the floors. I don't own a mop, so I used a sponge to scrub away the grunge. After finishing I went to stand, everything became blurry. I grabbed the table until it past. After that, I made it a point to stand slower and not to push myself too hard.

The afternoon was sunny but a little cold. We waited for instructions from our team leader. Today we were going to practice hitting targets while jumping through the trees. Kakashi hid small targets with chakra signatures throughout the forest. Our job was to recognize the targets and hit them with our weapons while traveling at top speed. We were practicing skills that would be necessary during missions where time played an important factor, while improving our weapon aim.

I followed behind, trying to keep up. My strength was fading halfway through the exercise, and slowly I started to fall farther behind. I didn't try to hit a target because I couldn't find any. My mind focused on keeping up and trying to appear normal. Before this incident, I wasn't worried about the changes because I believed things would get better. Nothing was wrong with me, but now, I wasn't sure. I couldn't accomplish a simple training exercise. What would happen during a mission? The group's speed increased or mine decreased. I couldn't be certain at this point. The only thing I knew for sure was the distance between the others and me kept getting bigger. I watched in admiration as Sakura and Sasuke hit target after target and wished I could participate as well.

I dreaded the end of the exercise, and when we reached it, I cringed as Kakashi spoke, "Good job Sasuke, Sakura." Then he turned towards me. My body flinched at his stern expression. "Naruto are you alright? You didn't hit one target."

I was the only one breathing heavily, and tried to catch my breath. I sat on a large rock and took a moment to rest "Yeah I'm just a little tired."

"You're worn out," Kakashi said.

Sakura moved forward and touched my forehead, "You're a little warm but that is probably due to practice," she frowned. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," I said and moved to stand, but it was too fast and the ground started to spin. I fought to remain on my feet. I grabbed for the rock but couldn't find it. My body started to fall but someone's arm wrapped around my waist and held me up. I couldn't stop the darkness, so I let it consume me.

The darkness ended and once again, I stood in front of Kyuubi's cage. "Why am I here?" I asked.

"You fainted and I brought you here."

"I don't faint. I pass out." I sternly said.

"Whatever, listen to me. We don't have much time before you wake up. You need to pretend that you are pushing yourself too hard, practicing all night, you've had little sleep and skipped breakfast. Tell them you felt a little shaky this morning but decided to practice anyway."

"That's not true. I haven't done anything that would lead to this. I get plenty of sleep if not too much and I ate a lot this morning. What's wrong with me?" I asked.

"We don't have time now. Do as I say and I will explain later," Kyuubi ordered.

"Why?" I asked. Kyuubi and I don't speak, and to talk to him twice in a short amount of time alarmed me.

"Right now you know nothing. After you've learn what's going on, what you chose to do is up to you, but I can't explain now. You need to wake up and let them know you are alright."

"But…"

"No, just go Naruto," he said interrupting me. "We will talk later, and do what I said," he commanded

He pushed me away. As I floated down the hall that lead to his cage, the only thing I thought of was he called me by my name. When I woke, the confused and concerned faces of my teammates peered over me. I moved to sit up, and Sakura handed me some water. I didn't need it but I thanked her anyway and drank it.

"Are you alright?" Kakashi asked.

I thought about Kyuubi's words. I wasn't willing to play his game, but, for now, I would listen to his advice. I don't know why, but he thought it was important for everyone to believe I pushed myself to exhaustion. "Sorry Kakashi. I've been working all night on a jutsu that requires a lot of chakra and didn't get much sleep." I yawned to add credence to my story.

"You fainted because you didn't get a good night sleep?" Sasuke asked obviously disbelieving my statement.

"I didn't faint. I passed out." The mere thought of the word fainted being associated with me made me cringe.

My declaration broke the tension and Sakura smiled and asked, "What's the difference?"

"Women faint. Men work themselves to exhaustion then pass out." I crossed my arms over my chest and started to sulk before adding, "As you can see, I clearly passed out and not fainted."

"Only in your own mind does that make sense," Sasuke said.

"Hey, it's true. If you're too dense to understand the workings of those words, then stay out of it," I replied.

"Only someone as dense as you would think that statement made sense," Sasuke responded.

"Ok enough," Kakashi interrupted. "Naruto clearly you need rest and practice is over. Sasuke would you take him home and make sure he lays down."

"I don't need a babysitter," I yelled, angry that Kakashi would force me to spend time with Sasuke. I had been avoiding him since our return.

"Let's go," Sasuke said, grabbing my arm and yanking me away, as I continued to protest until we were out of sight, while trying to pry my arm out of his grasp.

"Hey let me go! You don't need to come. Let go!" I screamed again, louder than before

"Unfortunately these are Kakashi's order, so stop acting childish and except it."

"You don't want to follow them any more than I do," I pointed out. Then trying to reason with him I continued, "So why don't you leave me here and I'll go home on my own." He ignored my words and continued to pull me along, guiding me towards the edge of the forest. His firm touch burned my skin. "You can let go now," I demanded, trying to pull away but again no response. "Sasuke can you hear me. Hey answer me!" I yelled.

I gasped when he pushed me up against a tree. We stood, staring eye to eye, as he spoke, "Would you shut up? I'm taking you home." There was finality in his tone and I knew nothing I said would change his mind.

His eyes burned with intensity. To stubborn to given in, I turned my head to the side and mumbled, "I don't need to be taken home."

"I think you do and so does Kakashi," he responded back.

There was no way I would concur with that statement. I was going home alone. I pulled away, knocked his legs out from underneath him, and ran. He darted up and after me. I jumped out of the forest and continued running along the rooftops. He followed close behind, slowly gaining speed. My body moved faster, trying to outrun him. My actions made no sense, but at the time, I wanted to escape, and even as my heavy breathing increased and my pace slowed, I still fought to stay ahead. He grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop. I panted trying to take in more air. I could feel my heart pounding inside. He steadied my body helping me balance on the peak of the roof as his cold hard eyes filled with anger. "What the hell are you doing?" he hissed.

My body cringed at the harshness in his tone, and I started to tell him off. I don't remember what I said because my head felt light and the familiar blackness started to fill my consciousness. The mistake I promised myself I wouldn't make happened. I had pushed my body too far. I didn't want to be helpless in front of him, so without thinking I used my last bit of strength to push him away. Caught off guard, he released his hold, and I lost my footing and started to fall, but before I reached the lower portion of the roof, Susuke had his arm around my waist, pulling me close.

"Naruto are you alright?" he asked, the anger replaced with uncertainty. I wanted to reassure him, I wanted to get away, and most of all I wanted to stay awake. I tried to speak but everything went black.

"You couldn't wait could you," Kyuubi asked.

Startled at the sound of his voice, I opened my eyes and found myself in front of his cage. "What am I doing here?" I asked. Visiting him twice in one day was too much.

"Each time you do something stupid, I think it can't get any worse. But, as usually, when I try to put a limit on your stupidity I fail. So, before things get any more out of hand, it's time you listen while I explain."

My mouth opened and the words came out. "Listen to what? Will you explain why I passed out, why I can't eat ramen, or perhaps you will explain why I can't keep up for a simple training exercise and the only thing I seem to care about is cleaning? Which one will you be explaining?" I asked. My irritation increased as I spoke.

"Shut up and listen," he growled. "If you calm down, I will start at the beginning."

"Yeah let's do that. Please start at the beginning" I replied, my anger seeping out.

"Don't interrupt me," he ordered. "Let me finish and then I will listen to you."

My voice laced with sarcasm, I replied "Oh of course. I'm all ears. Please explain everything to me." I remembered his words. He ordered me not to interrupt him. I smiled at the fact that is just what I did. I managed to calm down, which was difficult standing in front of the one who was responsible for what was happening. Fine if the fox wanted to talk then I would listen. "Go head," I said, giving him permission to continue and showing I was now ready.

He watched me for a few seconds before starting "This place is a prison and the dull years I've been trapped here have caused me to ignore some basic needs."

My eyes widened at his audacity. "What about my need for a body without having to share it with you?" While I wanted to hear him out, I couldn't help myself. He was responsible for whatever was happing. I continued my rant, "Are you saying my life is dull. Well, having you inside me is hell. Do you expect sympathy for being trapped here?"

He stood up, towering over me behind the cage bars and snarled. "Silence," he ordered. "It's hard enough to explain something to you, but if you continue this tirade, you will know nothing until it's too late."

I took a deep breath, balled my fist up before speaking, "go ahead."

"I'll make this as simple as possible. I need to reproduce."

I couldn't stop myself, as I interrupted again, "not in my body. I can't have another you inside of me"

"Considering only my spirit exists here that would be difficult. Certain factors in the outside world are necessary for me to produce offspring," he said.

I took a deep breath. At least that was over. I could imagine this place filled with baby nine tall foxes. They were all screaming at me to do this and do that. I thought my life was a nightmare now, but it would be far worse with more of them.

The fox interrupted my thoughts, "Since it's impossible for me, then it only leaves you."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked curious and a little unsettled by his statement.

"It's simple. You'll reproduce for me."

"What? I have no desire to have a child. Besides, I'm not seeing anyone. I don't even have a girlfriend." The last thing I needed was a baby. Did he really expect to live his dream of parenthood through me?

"Considering your preference shouldn't you say boyfriend."

My eyes widen. How much did he know? I picked my next words carefully, "What are saying?" I asked.

"Brat, I live inside you. I see what you see, what you dream, and, while it's boring, some things spark my interest, and one of those things is your feelings toward men."

At that point, I realized, I could conceal nothing from the fox. Everything I wanted to hide was out in the open, but I didn't have feelings toward men, just one person. "I only have feelings for Sasuke and not men in general," I said but it wasn't really necessary. "What do you mean you watch my dreams?" I asked. If he watched them, could he plant them as well? I wondered.

"First, your preference is towards men. Your first dream was kissing another male and not Sasuke, but you don't seem to remember that one. The ones with you submitting yourself to another are far more interesting to watch. I can see why you remember those."

My faced flushed as I imagined him watching my dream lover caress my body, and then watch him do it for real. "Did you have something to do with those dreams?" I asked not really knowing if I wanted the answer.

"Not really, those dreams stem from your imagination. I just made sure they continued. It took you awhile to except them and..."

I cut him off, "Stay out of my dreams they are none of your business." It took me a moment to process what he said and then I asked, "What do you mean you made sure they continued?"

"I guided your subconscious to those thoughts by putting his image in your head and you did the rest."

Now I seethed with anger. Night after night, I dreamed of Sasuke. I hated myself for it and Kyuubi had helped those dreams continue. I lashed out, "Oh you're just upset you weren't getting any, so you had to make due with my dreams. Right!"

"Well, that's true unlike you I'm not 'getting any,' but at least your dreams are finally coming true." Kyuubi said.

"Why did you increase the dreams? I thought that night wasn't real. It's your fault it happened." I knew what I said wasn't true. I wanted Sasuke, but I wanted to blame someone.

"I would have intervened if I needed to, but you wanted it and didn't need my help to get it," Kyuubi paused before continuing, "You should tell him. He likes you and then he will fuck you again. Isn't that what you want?"

The fox's words stung. "Shut up!" I exclaimed. I calmed myself and thought about what he said or what he wasn't saying. "What does this have to do with my health? Why am I sick?" I asked forcing us back on topic.

"You really are dense. I'll repeat myself. I want to reproduce and since your interest is inclined towards men, I had to be creative." He paused and waited. "I decided you would carry a child."

At first, I was stunned. What he was saying didn't make sense. I recalled my symptoms and the pieces started to fall into place. He couldn't. It wasn't possible. "I'm a man," I said the most obvious declaration, but I hoped this piece of logic would force the fox to admit it wasn't true.

"Yes for humans it is unconventional but still possible. You should be happy. The child will be strong. I applaud your choice for a mate."

I don't know why it took me so long to connect the parts of our conversation. Maybe I didn't want to know. Then I said the words aloud, "It's Sasuke's"

"Of course it is. You really are dimwitted. He was the only person you spread your legs for, and, believe me, if there had been anyone else, I would have known about it." I don't know if he saw uncertainty in my face or felt my reluctance to admit the truth, but his words erased all doubt. I finally believed it. I was having a baby and it was Sasuke's.

Then the anger came followed by terror. I imagined Sasuke's face filled with disgust and contempt when he learned the truth. "How could you? He will hate me. I will be more disgusting then normal. I can't have a baby. I won't be a pregnant man. I refuse."

Kyuubi immediately responded, "I can't stop you from ending this but I will try. The question is can you really kill the baby you created with the person you love. Now it's growing inside you. It's been about four weeks. It's heart will soon start to beat. Will you really stop that just because you're worried what somebody will say?"

Kyuubi's words hit me hard. My legs could no longer hold up my body and I fell to my knees. The fox was playing a game. He had everything planned and knew what to say. I had no answers so I asked, "What should I do?"

The fox appeared content. We both knew I'd lost. "Until you decide it's safe, you must keep this a secret. The choices you make don't just affect you anymore." Kyuubi said deliberately pointing out my life wasn't my own.

"Damn you. What happens if it's not safe? It already happened. It can't be undone," I said with resentment. I didn't ask for this, and the villages wouldn't be happy. Would the council even allow a baby that Kyuubi helped create to be born?

As if reading my mind, he said, "Then make it safe. If you have to leave this place and hide..."

"I won't leave my home," I interrupted. A part of me realized that I might have to. I didn't want to think about that. For now, I was done listening. I knew what I needed to know "I don't want to speak to you anymore," I said.

There were no parting words. My consciousness was pushed back. It's annoying that I can't control when I come and go from this place. I woke to Sasuke hovering above me. His eyes caught mine and Kyuubi's words started to play inside me.

"Why are you here..." I started to ask. My voice shaky with fear, I stopped the words from finishing.

"Calm down. I brought you home after you fainted," Sasuke said.

"It's passed out," I spoke without thinking. I recalled our game of tag on the village rooftops. My body started to calm. "You carried me home," I said in disbelief.

He lifted my chin and forced me to meet his eyes, "What's wrong with you? And don't start with the exhaustion excuse. No one believes that."

"Sasuke go home," I ordered. He was too close and I needed space. I didn't have the strength to lie and pretend, and I wanted to be alone to think.

"Since when do I follow your orders?" he asked.

I could hear anger in his voice. I decided to approach the situation differently. "I'm taking a nap and I would like you to leave. You followed Kakashi's orders, so there's no reason for you to be here." My voice was cold and firm, but I played on logic and hoped he would agree.

"You've been acting strange for awhile now," he said.

My patience was thinning. "That's your imagination, but I'm surprised you would notice anyone but yourself." At that point, before I said too much, I needed to be quiet. I was angry with him. Was it because he didn't remember or because I was alone?

"Dobe, I do notice things and you're hiding something." I gave him a look that said to drop it. I would no longer talk to him about it. He shrugged, "Fine but there is something I want to talk to you about."

"Why won't he go?" I asked myself. "Not now I'm tired," I said. He's calm, so he didn't remember anything.

"It's about our last mission," he started to say but a knock on the door interrupted him.

I started to stand, but Sasuke placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "Stay," he ordered. I watched him as I wondered what he wanted to talk about while he walked to the door. The conversation he wanted to start was too close to the news I just discovered. He wasn't freaking out, screaming, or calling me names, so he didn't know anything. I thought about it, but could not think of anything.

He opened the door and Iruka entered. "Naruto are you alright. Kakashi told me what happened," he said.

Iruka's sense of timing was perfect. "I'm fine," I reassured. Then I turned my eyes towards Sasuke. "Good bye," I said, signaling it was his time to leave.

"Goodbye Dobe," he said with no argument as he walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

"What was that about?" Iruka asked.

I looked at him and shrugged. "Nothing, he just wouldn't leave," I said.

"And that's a bad thing?" he asked.

"It is now, "I said without thinking. Immediately, I wished I could take it back.

"Why did something happen?" Iruka asked as he moved towards me.

I decided for a little honesty but not the entire truth. No, that was something I would keep to myself. "Sometimes he gets to close and doesn't realize what he's doing."

He paused and seemed to ponder my comment. "If you were honest with him, I don't think it would turn out as bad as you think. You shouldn't be so upset."

I panicked, "I have no reason to be upset." I was becoming too defensive which would lead to questions. If Iruka realized there was something to know, he would put the pieces together. Now more then ever, no one could know the truth until I decided what to do.

Iruka looked down and shook his head. "From what I heard, Sasuke didn't accept the proposal. I know the council is pushing but he isn't backing down."

Now, I was confused. What was I suppose to be upset about? "What proposal?" I asked.

"The marriage proposal," he said. I was confused and completely lost in this conversation. Iruka noticed and said with disbelief, "You don't know. You did help escort her back to her village."

Then it hit me. It was Sayori. Everything started to make sense, her constant attempt to be close to him, when she tried to talk to him, he was cold, but she kept at it, and Sasuke's unusual coldness towards her, a client. We stayed an extra day in her village after Sasuke's recovery and he disappeared. Kakashi had said it was personal. Why did she come to our village? The village wanted an Uchiha heir, and, I cringed, soon they would have their wish, but I pushed that thought aside. Then, I realized, this is what Sasuke wanted to talk about? It had to be. He mentioned the last mission, so he was going to tell me. Was he going to accept the proposal? Sasuke's dream was to revive his clan and to do that he would need a wife. When he gave me the coin, he spoke of this dream and getting a part of it back. He knew about it then. We left a week later, so the timing was right.

"Naruto, I'm sure Sasuke's going to tell you, and maybe he didn't tell you because there isn't anything to tell," Iruka said.

"I think he tried to tell me but I didn't want to listen." My mind replayed past events. I wasn't expecting this. Iruka said he hadn't accepted, but he didn't say he refused. Iruka knew about my feelings and now I realized he knew too much. The council would encourage a strong union. I don't know much about Sayori's bloodline but her uncle was a strong ninja. If Sasuke expressed and interest, then no one would stand in the way. A true Uchiha heir was too important. This piece of news hurt, but I wasn't going to show it. There would never be anything between the two of us and I acknowledged this. "This is great news; it'll bring him closer to achieving his goal. Besides, she's pretty and worships him. But she can be a little cold. See, they fit perfectly together," I said, but something bothered me. "How did you know about this and I didn't?" I asked.

"I've been around the council when they spoke about it. Don't feel bad about not knowing. Everything is being done in secret," he said.

We were teammates and Iruka thought I should have known. "Did everyone else know?" I silently asked myself. "If everything is hush hush, then why did you think I knew?" I questioned.

"You meet the girl and traveled back to her village. I assumed something would be mentioned on the mission," he explained.

"Well, he should accept. She's perfect for him. Both are cold and believe their superior. See an ideal match." My voice was a little cynical but I smiled as I spoke.

"You can stop. I see it's hurting you." Iruka said smiling. "You'll find someone to share your life with someday."

Iruka was right; this piece of news hurt because I didn't want Sasuke with anyone else. He was also right about something else. I reached down and touched my stomach. I already had someone to share my life with. Not in the way Iruka thought, but still I had someone and for the first time since Kyuubi told me, I was happy. "Iruka," I spoke a little above a whisper. "Kyuubi is sealed inside of me and sometimes I don't know what that means. He is strong and when I lose control, it gets dangerous. No matter what happens would you ever think I'm too strange to be around."

"Naruto, what is it?" he asked but didn't wait for an answer, "You are you no matter what and I will always be your friend. Is there something you want to tell me?"

I couldn't tell him the whole truth, so I settled for another part-truth. "I worry that with Kyuubi in my body I will become too different and others would hate me for it."

He touched my hand. "Not the ones that care," he said.

I smiled a real smile. Maybe he was right. I made an important decision to tell the Hokage. I would need medical attention and advice and I trusted her. "What time is it?" I asked.

He looked at his watch. "It's about seven o'clock. Why?"

"I need to see Tsunade," I said climbing out of bed. There was no time like the present, and before I lost my nerve, I would tell her everything. She would be the only one that knew. While I decided to share everything with her, I had also decided that know one else would find out.

"You're worrying me," he said, but didn't try to stop me.

I smiled at him. "Don't be," I reassured. Then I stood and we said our goodbyes.

My mind focused on what need to be done, as my body weaved in and out of the crowds. When I arrived at the Hokage's office, the usually people that worked during the day were gone. The few who remained didn't try to stop me as I proceeded up the stairs to her office. I don't know how I was going to tell her. I hadn't thought that far ahead. Perhaps, I was going to talk, evaluate her reaction, and go from there. That was the extent of my planning.

When I arrived at her door, I stopped. There were loud voices that bordered on shouting. I immediately recognized the Hokage. "I won't do it," she said.

"We've been through this before. We have to keep our resources close. He can't be allowed to wonder around," said Mitokado Homura one of the village elders. Curiosity got the best of me. I pushed my ear up to the door and listened in, using ninja stealth skills, so no one would notice.

"He's not a resource but a person," she said adamantly. "You want me to make him a prisoner inside this village. He has done nothing wrong."

"He exists," an older woman said. Most likely another elder council member, I thought. "He is ours and when others find out they will do what needs to be done to get his power. People on the outside already know."

"What about him?" Tsunade questioned.

"It doesn't really matter. He doesn't have a say in it. For the safety of the village, he must remain here. No more missions," Mitokado Homura said.

"His dream is to be Hokage," Tsunade said. At that point, I knew who they were talking about. It shouldn't have been a surprised. I moved my hand up to my mouth to cover the gasp that threatened to leak out. They wanted to imprison me, I thought.

"That will never happen. The people hate him. He's called a monster for good reason. He'll understand that he can't live a normal life," a third council member said.

"I've said no before and I will say it again. He has done nothing wrong and I won't treat him like a criminal. He is part of a team and wants to be a ninja." Tsunade said. I smiled at her determination, but how long could she ignore their wishes?

"That was the third's doing. He should never have been allowed to train," the woman said.

"I assume you want to use him when needed. If that's the case, then training him is essential," Tsunade said, defending the third's actions.

"We want him to remain. He will stay at the fire temple and improve his skills. The villager's will be happier and so will he without the people's hatred," Mitokado Homura said.

"Oh, and you don't hate him," Tsunade said.

The woman elder spoke, "he killed my son, but for the sake of the village I put that behind me."

"That was Kyuubi and not Naruto," the Hokage said, trying to reason with them.

"Does it really matter? Kyuubi is unpredictable. There is no telling what it might do or the influence it could have over him. We must take charge now," Mitokado Homura said.

"Yes but his freedom," Tsunade spoke. "I won't allow it. If he wants to serve us by being a ninja, then so be it," she said in a dismissing tone.

"You are being foolish. Act as the head of this village and protect it from a possible problem. Too many people outside the village know about him. Do you want that power in enemies' hands? We have to keep him under close watch. This is the best thing for everyone," the third elder said.

"The Hokage understands the situation. She knows him and she will make the right decision. She has her job and we have ours," a new elder spoke, supporting Tsunade.

"Well, with that said, the meeting is adjourned." I listened and heard people disappearing behind smoke.

I heard the opening of the office side door and another person's steps as they walk across the room. "How long can you disobey them?" Shizune asked.

"As long as it takes," she responded.

"They won't stop. They see Naruto as a threat. When he uses Kyuubi's chakra it scares them."

"I know Shizune, but I will give Naruto time to become stronger and then he can make his own decisions."

I backed away from the door and stumbled down the stairs. They were discussing my freedom with no concern for my opinion. The village elders saw me as something less than human and they were afraid. Then I thought about the child. It, too, would be connected to Kyuubi, and people would hate it. The baby would be an abomination. It would receive the same cold stares, the same angry whispers, and it would feel the same loneliness. That is if they let it be born. My blood ran cold at the thought. I was afraid. I couldn't protect myself or this child. The Hokage would try to help but how long could she support me with the council and villagers hating me and that's when I decided, to protect the child no one would know about it, and to make that happen, I had to leave the village.

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****AN: Well, this chapter is a long one. I started writing and didn't want to stop until something important was decided. I was wondering if the plot is moving too slowly and the story is starting to drag. Let me know what you think. Maybe I should speed it up? Thanks to all those who reviewed. It really helps me see what's working and what's not. Well, I am off to start chapter 9. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings**SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

Thanks to mystiewolf for the beta read. Sorry for the long wait. This chapter has been done for a few days but because of computer problems I couldn't get it posted.

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**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 9**

My growling stomach forced my thoughts back to the present. Gaara looked at me, and for the hours it took to tell my story, I had his undivided attention. The clock hanging by the door indicated we had missed lunch, which explained the hunger. "I'm sorry for talking so long," I said. He was Kazekage of this village and was very busy. He didn't have the time to waste listening to me. "But you're the only one who could understand and help me. I haven't been able to tell anyone but you." I saw understanding in his eyes as I waited for a response. I had no other choice when I decided to come here and I hated to put him on the spot like this. I looked down at my hands, folded on the slight swell in my stomach as I continued to wait. I had told him everything, and even if Gaara couldn't help, I felt a sense of relief.

"They must have known you left instantly. It's surprising you outran them in your condition. They would have sent their best hunters." Gaara said.

He was processing the story, looking for parts he didn't understand and made a valid point. Under normal circumstances with little planning and nowhere to go, I had no chance of escape. But I gave myself a head start, which was enough to get away. "They didn't notice I'd left for four to five days." I said proudly.

His eyes opened slightly wider, betraying his surprise. "How?" he asked.

"Well, we were assigned a mission two days after I decided to leave. The town we were being sent to was on the border of our country. By that time, I had everything planned. We left the village and when our group was about four hours away, I put my plan into action." I smiled at my brilliance. "See, I got sick," I laughed, recalling how I'd thought about ramen and then breathed into a small bag that contained miso. The scent forced me to throw up. "At that point, Kakashi said I shouldn't go on the mission and, of course, I disagreed, and after a little struggle, I reluctantly conceded. He wanted to walk me back, but I reminded him of the mission and pointed out we were close to the village, but it wasn't until I said I would report to the Hokage for a medical examination that he agreed." I knew Kakashi, and he was happy he wouldn't be fighting with me to seek medical attention, and since I was willing to do it, he wasn't going to press his luck. I continued, "The mission was easy, so it didn't matter if I went or not, and no one would notice I had left until the team returned and I wasn't there."

"Interesting plan," he said.

I laughed again. "It was," I agreed. "And that head start gave me time to hide, and since my chakra was weakening, I had to be creative with my disguise," I said, pointing to my hair and I left it at that. He didn't need to know how I dressed like a girl with a scarf around my head to buy hair dye. My blonde hair stood out, so it had to go, people might remember it later if questioned by other ninjas. It was too unusual. The hunter ninjas would look for me, but I didn't think anyone would notice a girl buying a normal product. The ninjas that pursued would be looking for someone using a jutsu to hide. In my weakened state, that wasn't a possibility.

"Your hair looks unnatural," Gaara commented.

I pouted. I'd wanted dark brown hair but I'd never used coloring before and couldn't explain how my hair turned black, but he did have a point. The color looked strange. There was something missing that Sasuke, Neji, and Hinata had in their hair color that I didn't, but it worked. "Well, excuse me. I haven't had much practice with these types of disguises," I said, a tad bit defensive.

Gaara and I share the same life circumstance. We both have demons inside of us and we survive in villages that hold us in contempt, but we are different. While I can talk for extended periods of time, he is a person of little words. So, I waited, while he processed things and thought about what he needed. "How well can you defend yourself?" Gaara asked.

It was a fair question. Gaara needed to know if I could protect myself if something happened or would I have to rely on others. "Not very good," I admitted. I barely had any chakra left to use. I left the village almost three months ago and at that time, it wasn't too bad, but as time went on, my chakra level went down. I took a deep breath before I could continue. The next words were hard to say, "I can't take care of myself. My stomach is starting to bulge, and when the time comes to have the baby, I won't be able deliver it on my own. I wouldn't even know where to begin." My face blushed after that admission. It was embarrassing for me to think about childbirth. Well, at least it was months away, I had time to get used to it.

Gaara continued to stare. He seemed amused by my discomfort and embarrassment. "I see. You need a place to hide and someone to protect you."

I had no right to ask him to do this for me. If one village finds another village hiding a missing nin, then it could lead to war. Because of Kyuubi, Konoha would never stop looking for me, and if they found me here, then Gaara and possibly this village would suffer some sort of consequence. "I'm sorry for asking you to help me, but I can't do it on my own. I just need somewhere to stay until the baby's born then I can leave. My chakra will be normal then and I can protect us."

Gaara's expression didn't change. "I won't lie to you. If you are discovered here then it will cause problems, but I won't let that happen. I decided last night that I would help you. You'll be safe here and I won't turn you out with a newborn baby."

Gaara was a little like Sasuke. They were both arrogant and thought they could handle any situation. While his thoughts worked towards my benefit, he needed to think this through. "But what if I'm discovered?" I asked. Gaara was taking a big chance. He needed to understand and consider the cost to him and his village.

"Ninjas from your village have asked about you. They have already looked for you here. They'll come back, but they won't search with the same intensity as before. But, if you are discovered and your village demands you back, I don't know what will happed," he admitted honestly.

My stomach growled again breaking the tension. I smiled and Gaara asked, "What do you want for lunch?"

"I don't want to draw attention, so I'll have whatever you usually have, but if you do have a choice, then sushi would be great but only if it's ok," I said rambling on. My body wanted sushi but my mind processed that Gaara might not like the stuff. I silently prayed these cravings would end soon.

"No, it'll be alright. I sometimes order sushi; so no, no one will be suspicion. I'll go down now," Gaara said.

I smiled. I usually have problems eating any other foods then the ones I craved. So, I was grateful for getting what I wished. "Thanks" I said, feeling well rested and relaxed for the first time in weeks. As I waited, I thought about Gaara and his willingness to help. In the past, I had helped him when he needed it, so helping me know might be a form of payback, but I didn't think so. We were connected by something we didn't ask for, and when I told him everything, he didn't pass judgment nor was he disgusted.

Gaara returned with the sushi fifteen minutes later. I frowned at its small size. It was barely enough for one person. Gaara must have noticed my expression. "I'm not hungry. You can have it all," he said.

I wanted to refuse and for the third time that afternoon, my stomach growled. "I can share," I said to be nice, but my eyes looked longingly at the food, hoping it would all be mine.

"No there isn't enough for three," Gaara said and maybe his lips started to form a smile. It happened too fast for me to be sure.

I couldn't wait any longer. After his reassurance, I took the platter, opened the wasabi sauce and proceeded to eat. I realized I forgot to say something, so in between bits I spoke, "Oh thanks Gaara." I tried to pace myself but ended up devouring the entire plate in record time.

"I'm a light eater and ordering more would arouse suspicion. I will get you more later." Gaara said.

His voice startled me. I forgot he was there. The food had me completely captivated. "This was fine," I said politely, looking sadly at the empty plate.

Gaara stood and handed me an Anbu uniform. "Here put this on," he said.

I looked it over. I had imagined wearing one but not for the Sand Village. I shrugged. It didn't really matter. The costume was too big, so it easily fit over my clothes. I looked at the cat mask before sliding it on. "Where are we going?" I asked.

He turned back to look at me. "To a place where you can hide," he said. "Follow me and don't speak until we get there," he ordered.

I've never been patient. It's a good thing I don't receive presents on a regular basis. I could see myself annoying others until they told me what I was getting. "Ok," I said. In the end, I trusted him, and besides, I had no other choice.

I trailed behind Gaara. Maybe a little too close because he stopped short when a little girl ran in front of him and tripped. He managed to avoid walking into her but I wasn't as fortunate as I slammed into his back. The child looked up at him and her face filled with terror. She was strong though because despite her fear she stood, bowed, and apologized; then with tears forming, she turned and ran. I watched Gaara, but his face showed no emotion. He was used to it and expected it.

We were traveling towards the outer part of the village when a woman called out, "Gaara."

He stopped and looked. "Temari," the Kazekage said. His sister started to move towards us until she was standing in front of Gaara. She hadn't changed much since the last time we met. Her hair was a little longer and she was about an inch taller. I looked towards her right and my heart nearly stopped. Shikamaru stood there with his usual bored expression. I grabbed onto the lower part of Gaara's shirt, holding it tight in my hand, treating it like a security blanket. Sand started to pry my fingers away. Then I realized how obvious I was being. I lowered my hands and arms to my sides. This disguise was perfect no one would recognize me unless I gave myself away.

"Gaara, there is a message from the Mist Village," she said.

"It's not important. I will be back in my office later," he responded and then proceeded to walk around them and I followed.

Temari looked at her brother and then behind him at me. "Act normal," I told myself. It was hard to do. Shikamaru was smart, and from what I remember of Gaara's sister so was she.

"Who's this?" she asked.

Gaara paused and turned towards his sister again. "Just a messenger from the outer temple, one of the priests has asked to see me," Gaara said, giving no indication that something was wrong.

"What's your name?" she asked me.

I thought about disguising my voice, but Gaara warned me not to talk. My heart started to beat faster. If I didn't say anything soon, they would be suspicious. Then I heard Gaara's voice. "He's mute," he said. "His name is Sato,"

I let out the breath I was holding. "A mute Anbu member," Shikamaru said in amazement. I wanted to warn Gaara to be careful. Shikamaru was smart and wouldn't be easily fooled.

"I'm surprised too," Temari said.

Gaara shrugged. "From what I heard, he was born that way. He lives in the western temple." He explained like it was no big deal.

"I see. You must be exceptional to be promoted despite your handicap," Shikamaru said looking at me.

"Yes he must be," Gaara agreed. Then he looked at Shikamaru again, "Of course we always welcome Konoha ninjas here, but you don't look like you're here on vacation," Gaara said.

Shikamaru shrugged, "No I'm on my way back, but I stopped by to see if anyone heard or seen Naruto."

"Any word," Gaara asked betraying no emotion.

"No, nothing," Shikamaru said.

"I'm sure hunters are looking for him and have a better chance of finding him. Why are you wasting your time?" Gaara asked.

Shikamaru looked pissed, "Because he's my friend. And it won't be pretty if the hunters find him first."

I started to tremble. He was right. I didn't want to imagine what would happen if they found me. "Then it's a good thing his friends are looking for him," Gaara said and then excused himself, "Sorry to leave but I have a busy schedule. Good luck in your search." Then we walked away. I resisted the urge to look back. We continued in silence and I thought about Shikamaru. When he mentioned my name, he looked a little sad. I felt guilty. He was worried and I still concealed myself from him, but I had no choice. My baby came first and I couldn't go back now.

As we continued to walk, I thought about Gaara's comments. He wanted me to know that I had friends and they were worried and trying to find me, but why did he think that was important? Maybe he didn't realize what he was doing or maybe he wanted to show me how dangerous it was here. Sometimes I couldn't understand him. It didn't take us long to reach our destination. Gaara stopped in front of a large white wall. A gate blocked people from entering freely. A security booth stood outside the gate. We walked towards the entrance. A ninja stood guard. The moment he saw Gaara, he stood and said, "Sir."

"I'm here to see the head priest," Gaara said.

I started to wonder why Gaara brought me here. He hadn't explained before. The guard started to speak, "Is he expecting you?" he asked.

Gaara looked pissed. His expression didn't change but his body stiffened. If I could see his eyes, then I'm sure they would be burning with anger. I couldn't blame him. When the leader of the village arrives and wants to see the head of the temple, would you ask him if he had an appointment? The guard must have realized his mistake and started to apologize, "Sorry sir. You can go right in."

Gaara nodded his approval and walked through the door with me following close behind. I looked around. The main structure was modern. It reminded me of Gaara's office building. It was big but not intimidating. I was surprised. It looked up to date with modern technology. Temples are usually old structures and these were different. The grounds were beautiful, filled with green grass and beautiful flowers, unusual for a desert climate. I couldn't explain why this area was filled will life while the rest of the village only had sand. I would ask later after I got permission to talk.

Gaara walked towards the main building. We entered, walked up the stairs, and arrived at a door. I expected Gaara to barge in but he knocked and waited for a response. A man in his late sixties answered the door. "Takafumi," Gaara greeted.

"Kazekage, it's a pleasure. I received your message last night and would be happy to help." Then he turned towards me before gesturing us inside.

"Naruto this is Takafumi, the head of the Western Temple." I put my hand out to shake his and he responded.

I was a little surprised Gaara told him my name, but I trusted him and I had nowhere else to go, "It's a pleasure," I said to be polite.

"Takafumi runs this facility. It's a temple that focuses on life though agricultural and medical means. It's different from other temples because it doesn't just worship life but protects and creates it. You will be safe here," Gaara said.

His words surprised me. I'm not religious, so how this place is different from others didn't make any sense, but I had assumed I would be staying with Gaara, so I asked to be certain, "I'm staying here?"

"Staying with me is too dangerous, Konoha ninjas show up all the time looking for you. Some are your friends and some are here to hunt you down," Gaara said.

The news that people come here regularly to look for me was scary, but I needed to know one thing. "Has Sasuke been searching for me?" I asked. Even now, I still loved him and wanted to know if he cared enough to try to find me. I looked down and waited for Gaara's answer. He would be disappointed with my question. Sasuke needed to be forgotten, if I were to remain safe. It wasn't a decision he made, but one I did when I left Konoha.

It took him a moment to respond. "Yes, he comes, usually with your other teammates. Sometimes they search for you alone, but you can expect one every two weeks. They know you Naruto, and they think if you're in trouble you might seek help from me," he stopped and paused, thinking about his next words, "Is there anyone you want to talk to?" he asked.

I don't know if he would have allowed that or if he was testing my determination, but what he was proposing was impossible. "No, I can't go back," I said.

He nodded and continued. "This place has one of the best medial facilities in this village and you are going to need that in the next few months. There main concern here is protecting life. I trust Takafumi. You will be fine," Gaara said reassuringly.

I had never heard Gaara speak so much at one time. He was honest and trying to calm me, and that made me trust him more. If he thought this place was safe, then so did I. "Does he know?" I asked, gesturing towards the man.

"I spoke with him last night while you slept. Takafumi knows you're a missing Nin and that Kyuubi is sealed inside of you. He agreed to help if I thought it necessary," Gaara explained.

"That is if you had a good reason to run," the priest explained. "We help those in need here and we protect the ones in our care. If the Kazakage feels it's necessary, we will hide you, even if you are a missing nin."

He seemed sincere and I started to trust him. "Thanks," I said.

"Now that's settled. I don't need to know your story, but the Kazakage mentioned you would benefit from our medical facility. Are you hurt or sick?" he asked me. Gaara turned to answer, but the priest spoke again, "No he can talk for himself."

I looked at Gaara, but he just stood there. If I had asked him to answer for me, he would have. He watched and waited to see what I would do. I had only said the words one other time but it might be easier now. "I'm having a baby." As if those words weren't enough, I spoke again, "I'm a man and pregnant."

The man didn't look disgusted but understanding. "I assume this is part of the reason you left."

My eyes were tearing up. For the last few months living on my own, I had been very emotional. If this man was going to help, then I wanted him to understand, "If they found out, I was afraid they wouldn't allow me to have it."

He took my hand, "You've come to the right place. Male pregnancies are difficult, but you will be fine," he paused and looked a little sad. "The world is full of people who hate and blame others. Here, in this temple, everyone will understand and see your child as innocent."

He understood. I smiled and thanked him again.

"Have you had a medical examination?" he asked.

I knew this would make me seem like a bad parent and the baby wasn't even born yet, but I confessed, "No, the only people I've told are you and Gaara."

"Ok then that will be our first priority for tomorrow," he said. "Don't worry about it. I will ask you a few questions, then I will weigh you, listen to your heartbeat then the babies heartbeat, plus a few other things that will be simple and painless, and, when that's done, I will do a sonogram," he said.

I understood most of what he said. I appreciated his explanation and I wasn't as nervous because of it. Something did worry me though. I haven't been taking care of myself. Then I thought about the things he would do during the exam. "What's a sonogram?" I asked.

The doctor laughed. "It's a way to see the baby. I can measure it to see growth and check to make sure it's developing properly."

"Most pregnant women have it done. The machine will let you observe the baby using ultrasonic waves." Gaara said.

I gave him a strange look. How did he know so much about these things? I wanted to ask but decided it would be rude. "Will I really be able to see my baby?" I asked still disbelieving.

"Yes tomorrow you will hear the heartbeat and see the baby," the doctor said.

I started to shake with fear and anticipation. "What if there's something wrong?" I asked myself. Tomorrow I would see the baby and despite those worries, I smiled. "Gaara tomorrow we'll see the baby," I said.

"What time tomorrow?" Gaara asked the doctor.

"About ten," the doctor said.

"Naruto, I have to go now." I looked at him. He was going to leave. "Are you going to be ok?" he asked, noticing my discomfort.

It shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. I wanted him to stay. "Will you be back?" I asked. "I mean the sonogram is tomorrow but you don't have to be there if you don't want too." I didn't want to see my baby for the first time alone.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Gaara said. "Don't leave the compound. Everything you need will be here. I know it'll seem like a prison but it has to be this way."

"I know. I will be good," I promised, and with that, he walked out the door.

"I've never seen him so protective of someone else before," Takafumi said.

I thought about that but the answer came quickly, "We're alike in a lot of ways. We know the same pain and have some of the same fears," I said.

"I suppose you do," he said a little sad.

I yawned and my eyes felt heavy. "Is there some place I can take a nap?" I asked, still not over the weariness.

"How about I show you to your room?" he asked. "I wanted to give you the best room here with the best view but it's on the fifth floor and after a few more months it'll be too much of a struggle for you to climb up five flights of stairs," he said laughing. "So I'm going to give you the best room on the bottom floor. When you open the window, you will smell fresh flowers," he said as he guided me down the stairs.

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**AN: I hope this chapter moved a little faster. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Did I mention that feedbacks or comments would be great? Well, I'm off to finish chapter 10.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

**Thanks to mystiewolf for the super beta job.**

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**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 10 **

The next morning, I awoke tired and irritable. The short nap yesterday afternoon helped, but after a night of tossing and turning, my body felt exhausted. It wasn't stress that kept me up but excitement. Today, I would see the baby. While I couldn't picture how it was done, I hated waiting for it to happen. Not all of my added energy was excitement: some of it was nervousness, but after careful consideration, I concluded that Kyuubi would give the baby everything it needed to survive. Of course, I played a part too, but the fox wanted the child to live, and if something was wrong, it would have been mentioned before now.

It was pointless to remain in bed when I couldn't sleep, so I got up. The clothes the priest left were interesting. It was a shirt and pants with sandals, but they were white, a color I avoided. I shrugged and walked to the bathroom with my new outfit. I grabbed the shampoo that was left for me the previous evening. Supposedly, this stuff would wash out hair dye. Takafumi, also, called my coloring unnatural and recommend this stuff to fix the problem. The hair dye served its purpose, but if a man that never saw me before recognized its use then it was ineffective.

I stood under the shower nozzle and started the water. Over the weeks, I kept adding dye, concerned my roots would start to show. Considering how much coloring was staining my hair, I decided that a lot of shampoo would be needed. I poured half the bottle onto my head and started to scrub my hair. Suds ran down my arms, down my back, and into my eyes, but I continued to rub the shampoo in. When I finished, I stood under the shower spray and let the water wash away the soap. I opened my eyes and saw black streaks running down, and my hands seemed dirty, so my next task was scrubbing out the black dye that lingered on my skin.

After drying off, I looked at my palms and fingers. They still seemed a little blacker than usual, but that would eventually fade. I continued to dress then started to brush my hair. When the tangles were out, it was time to see the results. I looked into the mirror. My hair was blond but not as bright as before. The black still lingered making it dull, but after a few days washing it then it should look better. The length was starting to bother me. I had started to grow my hair before leaving Konoha, but now it was too long. I pulled out a pair of scissors and started to trim it. When I was done, it was shorter but appeared messy. The ends were uneven and it looked sloppy, but it wasn't like I was going to see anyone, so it didn't matter. After the baby's born I will see a professional, I thought, but for now it would do.

A steady knock on the door called my attention to the clock. It was time for breakfast. I opened the door and greeted the priest.

"I thought you would still be sleeping," he said.

"I'm ready and hungry," I responded while smiling.

He guided me down the hall and up the stairs to his office. I had a tour yesterday, so I was familiar with my surroundings. The building had five floors, but the third and fourth floors were closed off, along with part of the fifth floor. The second floor contained the offices and the science and medical facility. The first floor had a kitchen, a large library and a dinning area. My room and Takafumi's were also on the first floor. The other seven people who lived here stayed on the fifth floor.

We ate in Takafumi's office; he had a separate room with a table and chairs. He invited me to sit down. After dinner last night and breakfast this morning, I realized that Takafumi usually ate here alone. With other people living here, it surprised me that they didn't dine together. I had to ask, "Why do you eat by yourself?"

His gaze shifted as his eyes looked sad. "It's better this way," he said. "You can eat with the others if you would like or you can have your meals served to you in your room." He was being kind and I recognized the loneliness because I saw it so often in myself.

"No I would like to eat with you, if you don't mind." The sadness started to disappear from his eyes and his body seemed to relax. I was curious about this man. He had Gaara's trust but he appeared isolated from everyone else. Eight people lived in this large building, but he didn't have close contact with anyone.

There was a knock at the door and the priest walked towards it and pulled a cart inside. The person who dropped it off didn't even wait. Takafumi didn't say anything, so I concluded this was also the norm.

My attention focused on the food. Two plates filled with fresh fruit and yogurt rested on top. There was a teapot with two small cups next to the plates. It looked good. After a few minutes of stuffing my face, the silence started to bother me. I looked at my host. There was no indication of him starting any type of conversation. "Where do you worship god?" I asked. This was something I wondered since the tour, but only asked to break the silence.

He paused then answered. "We don't worship god here. Our focus is science and on improving life and protecting it."

"Then why is this place called a temple and why are you called a priest?" I asked. There were so many other names they could call themselves, but they used religious terminology.

"In the past, we were also considered a religion, but we dropped a lot of our views and now we only pursue science or to be more specific the science of life."

I didn't want to push the subject, but for a religion to give up it's views then something must have happened, but one more thing was bothering me. "Why build a big building for only ten people?"

"In the past this building held 10 times that many. However, after the ninja wars our numbers diminished and we haven't had new members since then, and I don't expect that to change."

There was more to this story then he was telling. The work outside was amazing, and if he spoke the truth, why did they have top medical equipment here and an updated modern building. If this place housed followers of an abandoned religion then this place should also look forsaken.

But before I could delve into the mystery there was something else that needed to be addressed; seven other people lived here. I might trust Takafumi, but that didn't mean I trusted the rest. "With other people living here, how can you be sure they won't talk about me?" I didn't know the others. I saw a few here and there but they never said anything or responded to me. I was as invisible here as I was in my own village.

"Don't worry Naruto. The people here won't hurt you. I have invited you to stay, so that's enough. But if you need more, the people here have little or no contact with the outside world."

"Is this a prison?" I asked not understanding why people would deliberately choose to remain here and not go out. I couldn't believe the inhabitants in this building practiced self-isolation.

"No the people stay by choice or perhaps necessity. Let's not talk about that," he said before changing the subject. "How did you sleep?"

I didn't want to be rude, so I let him move on to a different topic, "Not too well," I admitted. "I was excited about today."

He nodded, showing he understood my anxiousness. After finishing his plate, he walked over to an oversized oak bookcase and pulled out a black book. He handed it to me. "This is for you," he said.

I looked at the blank cover before opening it. "It's empty," I said as I leafed through the pages. "What is this?" I asked

Takafumi laughed. "It's a journal to write your feelings and what you're thinking in. It will help you relax and lower your blood pressure; even without a medical exam, I can see you're anxious."

I never had one of these and didn't know if it would ever be used, but it was a gift, so I thanked him and sincerely appreciated the gesture. Nothing else was said as I finished breakfast.

"Are you still hungry," he asked, noticing my plate practically licked clean

"No I'm fine," I responded a little too quickly. I was still hungry but with my nervousness, I thought it was best not to press my luck.

I think he understood because he didn't push the subject. "Good then lets go to the office so I can examine you."

It was too soon. "What about Gaara?" I asked not wanting to proceed without him.

"What about me?" Gaara asked walking through the door.

As we walked to the exam room, I thought about how dependable Gaara has been and smiled, turning my head to the side so he couldn't see. When I looked back, his eyes met mine and I had to look away. It was to embarrassing to think he knew what I was thinking. I sat on the examining bed and noticed Gaara staring away. He looked uncomfortable, but he didn't ask to leave.

The priest started asking simple questions. "How far along do you think you are?"

I didn't have to think about it. "About four months," I responded.

He nodded, writing down my response and then continued. "Do you experience morning sickness?"

"In the beginning, I used to get sick and I passed out a few times. That hasn't happened in the last couple of weeks though, but I'm still tired and always hungry." I was trying to be as honest as possible.

"That's good. Morning sickness should be stopping about now but for some people it lasts the entire pregnancy, so you're lucky."

My eyes widened thinking about throwing up and passing out the entire time. Maybe there was a god and my life wasn't going to be completely miserable. "I think my luck is changing," I muttered, but no one responded.

"The tiredness and hunger are normal. Do you crave certain foods?" he asked and I nodded. "Well, that's normal too and will continue to the end." Then he smiled. "Ok let's get started." He pointed to a scale and I walked over. He recorded my weight. "From this point on you will be putting on a lot of weight," he said, like I needed him to tell me that.

"What about his Chakra?" Gaara asked. I forgot about my weakened, or should I say nonexistent, Chakra.

"If you really need some, then you should be able to use it, but I wouldn't recommend it. The baby needs it to survive. You don't have the same anatomy as a woman, so the baby is connected to you through your chakra."

"Is there any danger to Naruto?" Gaara asked.

"Let me finish the exam and I will have a clearer picture," Takafumi answered and then turned towards me. "Ok lie down on the exam table and pull up your shirt."

I thought about the questions Gaara was asking. I should have been thinking about those things; I wasn't resentful but happy. I made the right decision in coming here. I felt the priest's hands over my stomach. "Is everything ok?" I asked.

His hands started to glow as he used chakra and then he closed his eyes. "Everything's fine, the baby's heartbeat is strong and you're about fifteen to sixteen weeks along."

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"My hands can fell the baby's heart and I counted the beats. I can also get the general outline of the baby with my chakra," he said. "Now would you like to hear the baby's heart beat," he asked.

I nodded and he pulled out a stethoscope and started pressing it into my stomach. He found the spot and stopped moving it. "Here hold this." He commanded. I grabbed the end and held it to my stomach and he placed the listening end on me. I almost cried. The steady beating filled me as I listened, holding it to my stomach.

Gaara tapped my shoulder, "It's not over yet. You haven't seen the baby yet," he said.

I nodded. He was right. The doctor put the stethoscope away and set up another machine. I will use chakra to form sound waves around the baby and an image will form on this screen. He laid a hand above my stomach and moved it around. I watched the screen. "Oh there it is," he said.

I looked at the picture but couldn't make out anything. It looked like a blur. I looked to Gaara and noticed the same expression. I continued to stare but still nothing.

"There's the head and look here is an arm," the priest said, pointing at different places. I looked for the arm and head but still couldn't make it out.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked.

Then he looked at me and smiled. "Right now the baby is small and you might have a problem making out its outline but as you start to get bigger then it shouldn't be a problem," he said smiling. The doctor closed down the machine and said, "Everything looks normal."

I breathed in and out; releasing the tension that I didn't know existed. The doctor frowned. "I noticed during the exam your elevated blood pressure. I know you're nervous and tense but you have to calm down. It is not good for you or the baby," he said.

I nodded but it would be a challenge. Gaara then asked, "Well, is Naruto in any danger?"

The doctor thought about it. "There are a few things that need to be watched, but I am not concerned right now."

"What things?" I asked. It was my body and my baby and I needed to know everything.

The priest looked at me for a moment, and then he looked at Gaara. Maybe he was asking permission, but whatever it was, he received it and started to explain. "You body isn't meant to have a baby, but it's happening. Your skin will stretch and your belly will grow, it will be a little cramped there because it wasn't meant to hold a child. There is a possibility that your other organs will be affected by the pressure," he said.

I nodded and looked down. "How will the baby be born?" I asked. There was definitely no place for it to come out so I had to know.

"When the time comes, I will help the baby out by making a place for it to exit," the priest said.

He was being vague. "How are you going to make a place for it to exit?" I asked.

"He will cut the baby out," Gaara said.

My eyes widened at the thought. Terror filled me when I thought about the process. "You can't do that," I said.

"It will have to be done or you and the baby will die," Takafumi replied. "But that's many months away. What you need to do now is relax and keep your blood pressure down."

After putting away his equipment, the priest excused himself. Now that I thought about it, there was only one way to get the baby out when the time came. It still made me nervous to think about it, but I would get used to it. I turned to look at Gaara and felt guilty. He probably had many other things to do, "Sorry I made you come," I said.

"No not at all," he responded. "Are you ok?'

"Yeah, the baby's fine so I'm ok," I said and meant it.

He looked for signs of discomfort and I smiled at him. He accepted it then asked, "How was everything last night?"

"Fine everything was good, but I'm a little worried," I stopped, thought about my words carefully, "How can you be sure the others will keep quiet?" I asked.

"The people who live here do not talk to those on the outside." Gaara said.

"Why?" I asked. The gardens were beautiful and the medical facility up to date. Why didn't people come here and why did the people here confine themselves?

"Something happed years ago and this place has never been the same," he said. "No I'm not going to tell you. Sometimes people do things that are unforgivable and right now, I don't want that to cloud your judgment. You are safe here."

The mystery started to unfold. What could have been so unforgivable that they gave up their religion and became outcasts in this beautiful place? "If that's the case why does this place look so nice?"

"I give them money and support and they are working on a special project for a council member," Gaara said.

I thought about what he said. "The unforgivable thing that was done, do you forgive them for it?" I asked.

"It's not my place to forgive them, but I trust them and understand why what was done was done," he said.

"You're not going to tell me," I said but it wasn't a question that needed to be answered. "Can we go for a walk?" I asked

He looked at me. His eyes narrowed, trying to determine if I was serious.

I smiled and started to push, "Come on Gaara. It's just a walk and with the costume you gave me no one will know it's me," I said.

"Your hair sticks out even now," he said in a voice that meant to explain everything.

I noticed the look. He was thinking about it. I pouted a bit, "Come on you're the Kazakage no one is going to question you." Maybe it was unfair of me to play on his arrogance. "Besides I can wear one of those things your brother wears. No one will see my hair or my face behind the Anbu mask."

"I don't know if this is a good idea," he said but more to convince himself then me.

He was caving and I pushed. "Gaara after a few weeks I won't be able to leave here, but I want to see the neighborhood and the people. I promise only a thirty-minute walk. Please," I said pleading.

"Fine, go get ready and we'll see," he said.

He was waiting down stairs by the door when I arrived with a slightly different outfit from yesterday. The Anbu suit was similar but the shirt and pants weren't as big and looked like they were mine. The shirt was open exposing the mesh shirt underneath. The headscarf looked exactly like the one Kankuro wears. "I'm ready. It's different from the one you gave me but it fits better. Takafumi loaned it to me," I said.

Gaara looked me up and down examining my outfit for any faults. He moved forward with his eyes focused on something.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Your necklace," he said.

"Oh!" I touched it through the mesh top. With the oversized holes, anyone could see it. It was unique and easily identified as being mine. I pulled it off and placed it on the counter, but thought twice about leaving it there. What would happen if someone came in?

"It'll be fine there," Gaara said. "I've given orders that no one can come here without permission."

"Isn't that strange?" I asked. Those orders would make the place suspicions and worth checking out.

"No the orders were given before you arrived. That's one of the reason's this place is perfect," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

Gaara paused thinking about how to respond. "It's not dangerous but sometimes it's best if others don't come here," he explained.

We walked around the block. It was hot under all these clothes and the mask but I didn't let it bother me. The streets didn't have many people. I wanted to ask a question but wasn't permitted to talk. Gaara must have saw my curiosity and said, "This is the outer area of the city. More people live towards the center."

The thirty minutes ended too soon and once again, we were back at the main gate. Gaara's body tensed. There was something wrong. I looked around then saw the problem. The guard was gone. "Stay behind me and don't say anything," he ordered. We walked through the gate and heard a loud voice that bordered on screaming.

"Where is he?" the voice asked and I recognized it. It was Shikamaru.

"Go in the back," Gaara said.

I grabbed his arm and shook my head, silently saying no. If I was recognized in this costume so be it, but I wouldn't let Gaara deal with the consequences alone. He narrowed his eyes and wasn't satisfied with my answer. "What about the baby?" he said.

He said the only thing he could to get me to leave and he was right. I nodded and turned to walk away but before I left, Temari burst through the door, followed by Shikamaru, the guard, and Takafumi. I turned to look like I belonged there.

"What are you doing here?" Gaara asked, but before anyone could answer, he turned towards the guard. "You can go back on duty. I will handle this." He waited until the guard left. "No one is allowed here."

"Yes the temple is off limits but not to me," Temari said.

Gaara nodded. Of course, Temari was not forbidden from any part of the village. I continued to stand behind Gaara and stare, waiting to hear his response.

Shikamaru broke the silence and looked right at me. "We're here to see you," he said and my heart nearly stopped. "But this man pretended not to know you." I swallowed. He paused for a moment, "I believe your name was Sato, right?" he asked.

I nodded again. Then Temari spoke. "We wanted to talk to you. It was strange I'd never heard of you and Shikamaru was curious about your life and the difficulties you experienced because of your handicap," she said smiling. "Unfortunately, Takafumi pretended not to know you," she said.

Gaara spoke next, "Yes well Sato was raised here and it's understandable that Takafumi would try to protect him from people."

"He's an Anbu member. Shouldn't it be the other way around?" Shikamaru responded.

"My brain knows that but my heart doesn't. He might be able to protect his body but I try to protect his heart. I thought maybe you were here to pester him about his handicap," Takafumi said.

"I see," Shikamaru said. He looked at me again. "You can stop pretending. I know it's you, Naruto." He pulled out the necklace that I had placed on the counter from his pocket. My hand went to the spot where it belonged. If Shikamaru had any doubt, I had just eliminated it by that one action.

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AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and commented on the last chapter. Your comments help me see if the story is working or if something isn't, so please take time to tell me what you think**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

**Thanks to mystiewolf for the great beta read.**

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**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 11**

"What are you talking about?" Gaara demanded. "I know you're worried about your friend, but that's no reason to cause problems here."

Gaara sounded sincere as he addressed Shikamaru. I would have been convinced, but Shikamaru stared at him. He wasn't buying it, but he didn't say anything. Maybe he was dumbfounded by Gaara's pretend ignorance, or he was waiting for Gaara to say something else, but it was Temari who spoke. "Gaara you can't hide the truth," she said in a kind and understanding voice. She looked around the place before speaking again. "Let's go inside."

We followed her advice and went in. Relocating gave me a few minutes to calm myself and try to regain control of my breathing. With problems like this happening, there was no way to keep my blood pressure down. As we climbed the stairs, I thought about the situation, nothing could change the fact that Shikamaru knew the truth, not even Gaara. Shikamaru was too smart to fall for anything and he had the proof in his hand.

Takafumi invited us into his office and then gave some assurances. "Here no one will interrupt us," he said. Then he indicated with his hand for us to sit, but no one moved toward the seats. I nodded to be polite and to show that I heard him and then waited for someone to talk. Maybe I should have said something, but Gaara warned me to be quiet. In the end, this was still Gaara's plan, and if he wanted to try to salvage it, then I would do my part.

Gaara broke the silence. "I understand you're worried about your friend and you want to see him in places where he isn't, but you can't come in here and make accusations."

Shikamaru looked bored and slightly irritated. "This necklace is priceless. It's one of a kind and it belongs to Naruto." He paused and waited for a response but Gaara didn't cave. Gaara listened, giving no indication that anything was wrong and stood in front of Shikamaru not backing down. The Kazekage was completely unreadable. "This can easily be settled," Shikamaru said in a challenging voice. He turned toward me before speaking again. "Remove the mask," he commanded.

My eyes widened, and even behind the mask, my shock was evident. Shikamaru smiled. Everything I did, pointed to the truth. "Gaara," Temari said. "Shikamaru cares about Naruto. He just wants to talk to him."

Gaara looked deep in thought. After a moment he said, "I hope you find your friend but you won't do it here. Now it's time to leave. These people have been disturbed enough. We'll continue the conversation back at my office." At that point, I knew Gaara would never betray me, and he wouldn't admit to anyone that I was here, even if it was obvious. Everyone in this room knew the truth, but he would lie and continue to hide me because he'd promised to protect me, and he didn't care about the consequences. Gaara's actions could lead to war, and that was too high a price to pay.

Shikamaru ignored Gaara and directed his attention towards me. "I just want to talk to you Naruto," he said. "I want to help you, but if you force me to leave without an explanation, then I have to go to the Hokage. Other people will come here and force you back to Konoha and they won't be nice about it."

He was right. I placed my hand on Gaara's shoulder. He looked at me but I shook my head no. I pulled off the mask. It was no longer useful anyway. "Hi Shikamaru," I said in a light cheery voice.

Shikamaru stared at me for the longest time and I stood in front of him looking down to avoid his eyes. "It's about time someone found you. Do you have any idea what you've done?" he asked.

Shikamaru didn't sound angry but sad, and I could tell he was a little shocked by the outcome, but I was hurt by his question. I knew what leaving would do and for him to ask that showed he didn't think highly of me. He didn't know how much it hurt to go. I no longer had a home or a life. My dream was lost. "Yes I know what I've done," I said with a slight bitterness in my voice, as I kept my head lowered. I couldn't look at him because I didn't want to face the betrayal and sorrow.

He sighed. "You can't run forever." His voice was steady and betrayed no emotion.

Shikamaru and I have known each other since we were children, so it was easy for him to guess my intentions or maybe I was predictable. He was right though. The moment I'd left I had planned on never going back. He guessed that and he was telling me that I didn't have a choice. He was taking away my option to run, and if he had to, he would try to take me back by himself, but right now that couldn't happen. "I'm sorry but I can't go back," I said and walked out. I couldn't have this conversation now. My mind knew I was still running away, but I told myself I was putting distance between us.

Since Shikamaru knew, that made this place unsafe. Soon I would have to leave again, but I had nowhere to go. If I had been stronger, I would have ran out the door and disappeared, but I couldn't take care of myself and the few months I spent on my own proved that. When I arrived at my room, I curled up on top of the bed and tried to calm down and think of a solution. The more I thought the more upset I got. Thankfully, Gaara entered the room. "He wants to talk to you alone," he said.

Happiness and relief filled me. I needed Gaara's strength and that surprised me. In such a short time, I had completely started to rely on him. I felt guilty about it and had to say something. "Gaara, I'm sorry. Everything's ruined."

"Don't worry about it. I will fix it but you need to do something too. Can you convince your friend not to say anything or to give you more time?" Gaara asked.

I thought about it. Shikamaru wasn't tied down by the rules. He acted on what he thought was best. "If I tell him the truth, then he might keep it a secret." I said.

"Maybe that's the only way." Gaara said, "But it's your choice. If I have to, I will find another place for you to go."

I now knew that Gaara would do whatever it took to keep me safe, but I had to do something for myself. I sat up. "Can you send him in?" I asked.

"Do you want me to stay?" Gaara asked.

I needed to start taking responsibility for my own life and start to handle things on my own. "No I'll be ok."

As Gaara left, Shikamaru entered. "It's not like you to hide," he said.

I snorted. "Well I'm not hiding now. You found me, so what are you going to do?" There was desperation in my voice. I needed to know what he planned to do and the more time that passed without an explanation the more hopeless I felt. Gaara thought I could convince Shikamaru to keep this a secret; a part of me agreed with his opinion but another part didn't think it was possible besides if he knew too much and told people then I would be more vulnerable.

"I don't know. It depends on what you have to say. I need to know what is going on," Shikamaru said.

I needed more than that. "No I can't tell you. If you're going to tell people I'm here, then it's better for me if you don't know. Will you trust me and believe that I had a reason to leave," I said. I was desperate, but I knew he wouldn't walk away without an explanation, yet I had to try.

"Trust works both ways," Shikamaru said. His eyes narrowed as if challenging me to disagree. "You can't ask for someone to trust you without showing you trust them in return." I thought about what he said as he continued to speak. "How about we negotiate?" he asked.

"Negotiate? How? Shikamaru, I can't stop you from telling people I'm here and I won't go back. What is there for me to negotiate with? I can't tell you everything. You wouldn't understand and then you would know and everything would be worse." Maybe he understood what I was saying but I couldn't be sure.

Shikamaru looked deep in thought while processing my words. "Do you know how many people are worried about you and want to help you? They're looking for you because they care, but do you see us as friends? I need your trust too," Shikamaru said.

He had a point. I've been alone all my life, and couldn't let myself believe in others. Shikamaru sounded sincere. Could I trust him? The doubt was still there but it was always there. I had a lot at stake. "I can't take that chance," I said. Now I had something important to protect. I wasn't alone anymore.

He sighed, "Naruto, I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what's going on." I felt guilty and looked down. Maybe he could help. Gaara thought I could convince him to keep my secret. Shikamaru saw the doubt and continued. "I can't guarantee that I won't tell people you're here, but anything you tell me in confidence will be kept a secret. I'm not obligated to share your reasons for leaving."

I thought about what he said. He had a point. I left Konoha without trusting anyone. In a way, I had betrayed the people closest to me. For us to be real friends we had to trust each other. Shikamaru was reaching out, but I had to take the first step. In the end, I decided to trust him. He would evaluate my reasons and decide what to do. Even if he told people where to find me, he would keep my secret. "I can't go back, Shikamaru. It wouldn't be safe."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Do you know about Kyuubi?" Before I could share my story, I had to know what he knew. If he didn't know, I would judge his reaction to the news before moving on. The possibility existed that the fox would disgust him, and if that happened, there was no point in continuing this conversation.

"Naruto everyone knows. It's common knowledge now. After you left, they told everyone and it doesn't matter," Shikamaru said.

I processed what he said. I thought about Sasuke knowing and I wanted to know his reaction to the news, so without thinking I asked. "How did Sasuke take it?" I realized the mistake as soon as those words left my lips and tried to fix the problem. "And Sakura," I added but it still sounded like an afterthought.

"Sasuke's been looking for you. In the beginning, he didn't go on any missions and spent his time searching." Then Shikamaru smiled and added, "Oh, and Sakura's looking for you too, but she continued to train and accept missions." He too made the last part seem like an afterthought.

"Now why did you leave?" he asked.

This would be hard, but I'd decided to tell him the truth. "I had to go. I heard the council talking about Kyuubi and forcing me to stay in the village like I was a prison, and they were planning to isolate me from everyone else," I said.

He thought about that. "They were just talking. It wasn't decided right?" he asked.

"Tsunade wasn't going to allow it, but I don't know if she could have stopped them forever. The council said other things. They thought Kyuubi was a problem, and they hated and feared the fox's power." I paused before continuing, mostly to gather my courage before saying the difficult part. "Right now I can't protect myself. My chakra has been weakening for months, so I had to get away while I could," I said to explain my rash decision to leave.

"Are you sick?" he asked looking concerned.

There was no easy way to say it. "It's worse then that. I'm not sick and it's going to be hard for you to understand. I'm pregnant." I blurted the last part out. I watched his expression closely as his concern changed into shock.

"Naruto that's impossible," he said.

Of course, for normal people it was. "Not with Kyuubi," I responded.

"I still don't get it. I understand what you're saying but it's not possible," he said.

There was still a piece of the puzzle missing. "I'm not attracted to women and Kyuubi knew that and still wanted to reproduce so the fox used my body to do it." I explained.

"So the child is yours and Kyuubi's?" he asked.

Now I saw where his thoughts were going and I cringed. "No genetically it's mine and someone else's. Kyuubi's chakra is what keeps the baby alive.

He processed the information. "Ok but why leave. Sure some people will think it's strange but to go in your weakened condition was dumb."

The person before me was the smartest person I'd ever met, but he still didn't see the danger and he couldn't imagine the hatred. "Shikamaru, everyone despises Kyuubi. If the council found out, they wouldn't let my baby be born."

Shikamaru eyes widened and he finally understood what I was saying. "Maybe you're right."

"I didn't have a choice. I couldn't take the chance," I said.

"Naruto you have to learn to trust people," Shikamaru responded. There was silence in the room. "What are your long term goals?" he asked.

I thought about it, but I didn't have a definite answer. I knew going back wasn't an option. In the end, there was only one thing that mattered. "I just want the baby to be born healthy and strong. All the rest of the planning can wait."

Shikamaru nodded. He walked towards the window. "I don't have to tell anyone I found you. At least not yet," he said.

"Thanks," I said.

"Look Naruto, this is an unconventional situation. You need to be under a doctor's care."

"I have a doctor," I interrupted. This place here has a medical facility.

"I'm still worried, but I will help you. However, if your life is in danger or you're not getting the medical treatment you need, I won't hesitate to change that. I will make sure you receive the help you deserve," Shikamaru said.

I wanted to reassure him. "Gaara said this place is fine and I trust his judgment."

"I don't know if I can keep this secret forever. But if I tell people where to find you, it will be after the baby's born and you have my word I won't mention the child unless it's an emergency. If I decide not to keep your secret, I will give you plenty of warning. I won't do anything without telling you first. That's the only thing I can promise," he said.

I knew he would keep his word and he would act in my best interests. Even if I disagreed or tried to stop him, he would discuss it with me first. I didn't have to worry about Shikamaru sending ninjas in the middle of the night to force me back to Konoha "Why help me?" I asked.

"Because were friends, and if you want to have your baby here, I won't interfere, but after the baby's born, you will have to make important decisions. A life on the run isn't fair to an innocent child."

I tried not to think beyond the baby's birth. Of course, he made sense, but I didn't want to worry about it now. "I'm taking things one day at a time. If I handle too many things at once, it gets too stressful and the doctor doesn't like that." I said in a joking manner.

Shikamaru smiled back. "There's one more thing I want to know. Who's the father?"

"Please don't make me answer that." I said, praying he would drop the subject.

"It's somebody from our village?" he asked and I nodded. He must have saw the terror and fear because he didn't press it. "Whatever, it doesn't really matter besides I have a pretty good idea."

"I doubt that," I said. He would be clueless about these things.

He looked straight at me before speaking. "It's Sasuke's." He said it as a statement not as a question with certainty in his tone.

I gasped. My mouth wouldn't move and I started to have trouble breathing. "How?" I asked.

"Calm down," he ordered. "Naruto your relationship with him is strange. It's obvious something is going on. Does he know? I can't imagine he would let you leave caring the Uchiha heir."

I hate showing weakness but hiding things was harder these days. I felt tears running down my cheeks. "He can't ever find out." I said.

"Alright calm down. This can't be good for the baby. We don't have to talk about it anymore today." He placed his hand on mine.

I nodded. "Thank you," I said.

He gave me a minute to compose myself. "Oh and Naruto don't leave here. Stay inside. The Anbu mask is not a perfect disguise. It doesn't hide your eyes. They stand out and you won't fool anyone close to you. Oh and before you think about sunglasses, your identity as an elite mute Anbu member is interesting but wearing dark glasses would make you look creepy and more suspicions."

I laughed. A part of me still disbelieved the outcome. "You're really going to help me?" I asked.

"Yes, but don't keep anything from me. I want to help, so I need to know everything and if there's a problem, you can come to me." I nodded. "Well, it's time. I have to go, and I will find a way to visit you without it becoming suspicious."

I nodded and yawned. Fatigue had become a constant part of my life. My eyes started to feel heavy and the stress and tension finally exhausted me. "You need a nap Naruto." I nodded and laid down. I watched Shikamaru stand. He paused and looked at me one last time before turning to walk out, leaving my necklace on the table. As he was closing the door, I heard, "Take care of yourself and I'll see you soon." Those soft and comforting words carried me off to sleep.

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**AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Things should start to pick up in the next chapter. There's going to be a slight time jump, so I hope everyone continues to read and review. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

**Thanks to mystiewolf for the great and fast beta read.**

**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 12**

As the weeks past, it got harder and harder to move. My body rebelled against any type of physical exertion. My back ached, my ankles swelled, and my feet hurt. I started to admire and appreciate women for their endurance and strength through pregnancy. It's been almost four and a half months since I'd arrived here, and during that time, my stomach kept getting bigger and bigger, making my life more uncomfortable by the day.

Each day I wrote in the black notebook Takafumi gave me. Written in my less than elegant handwriting, I recorded milestones, major moments and events. A knock at the door drew my attention back to the here and now. "Come in," I called, putting the pen down and closing the book.

"How are you this morning?" Takafumi asked as he entered.

I scowled. He asked the same question every morning, but for the last month, it really started to irritate me. "I want to do things. Maybe start cooking again." I said.

"That's not a good idea," he responded and I rolled my eyes. "It's important for you to rest. The baby's developing beautifully, but after the cramping, well, it's best that you relax and stay off your feet as much as possible until the baby's born."

"Everything's fine." I said and thought back to the incident that took place almost a month ago. At the time, I was in the kitchen practicing my cooking skills, which was an unusual hobby for me. However, being a parent would mean a completely different life style. Even though ramen three times a day was perfectly fine for me, my baby needed more. I decided to eat healthier and set an example, but I had a lot to learn. During the night, I read health books and cookbooks, and during the day, I practiced my culinary skills. It was early in the morning when the light cramps started, but I ignored the pain. When I tried to move a large pot full of water to the stove, a sharp pain hit and I could barely breathe or move. The pot was too heavy and I shouldn't have tried lifting it. I screamed out and Takafumi came running. The rest is a blur. I didn't pass out immediately but it didn't seem real while it was happening. The next thing I remember was waking up. It was dark out and Gaara and Temari stood by my bedside. At first, I thought I'd lost the baby and an enormous terror swept through me, somehow over my hysteria the voices managed to reassure me. Well, since then I've been under doctor's orders to "take it easy." I remain sitting or in bed most of the time, and needless to say, I've been bored out of my mind, but when I reminded myself it's for the baby, then everything becomes ok. It's amazing how someone can be so dependant on me. Each kick gives me a wonderful sensation. And on that horrible night, the thought of losing my baby made me realize that no one is more important or precious as the small life inside of me.

"Naruto," the priest said bringing me back to our conversation, but a knock at the door interrupted him. Our breakfast cart arrived. We still ate together. When I had first started cooking, we ate what I made. Surprisingly the priest never refused any of my dishes even though some made me nauseous. Even Gaara ate my cooking during his visits, but Temari and Shikamaru won't make the effort. They always refused my home cooking, muttering something about wanting to live another day. While the stuff might make you sick, it wasn't going to kill you. I pointed that out but they didn't care.

Even with Gaara, Temari, and Shikamaru's visits, it was still lonely. The others in the temple were pleasant but they didn't accept my presence. The heavy tension sometimes makes living here uncomfortable. I still don't know what happened in the past, but everyone here blames Takafumi. It seems that Takafumi headed the temple but made a decision that destroyed everything they worked for or believed in, or that's what I pieced together from our conversations, but he never mentioned what happened to cause the rift between him and everyone else. The man is a kind, wonderful person but the inhabitants of the village detest him, and I still can't figure out why.

"How about a short walk around the compound after breakfast?" Takafumi asked while finishing his eggs.

My eyes widened. Thankfully, I wasn't bedridden, but I was forbidden from climbing the stairs, which left me only one floor of the compound to move around in, so going outside would give me the space I craved. "Really?" I asked still not believing my luck. He nodded back and I smiled.

It was a beautiful, sunny day. Takafumi directed us towards his special flowers at the back of the compound. "This little flower will help create a miracle," he said. Takafumi spent most of his time making medicines from plants. He didn't grow the plants. Two people in the compound specialized at that. Takafumi's expertise was medicine. He was the only medical doctor living here. A high placed council member hired Takafumi to work on a cure for his daughter. The girl suffered from a blood disorder. Takafumi wasn't the first doctor asked to treat the child, but he was the most qualified, and it was the council members financial contribution that helped keep the place up to date and efficient.

I turned towards the approaching sounds to see Temari and Gaara walking in our direction. They both visited often. Temari bought me prenatal and parenting books. She was concerned about my lack of child rearing experience and even purchased a doll for me to practice with. Well, thankfully, my child will be more durable then the flimsy thing that burst into flames far too easily. In my defense, a real baby would start to cry before the fire completely engulfed it. Needless to say, the doll was unsalvageable, and she declared I was hopeless when it came to parenting.

Gaara visited every other day. I knew he would come but never at what time. Sometimes he stopped by early in the morning and sometimes he would stop by late at night. If I was sleeping, he never woke me. He would leave a note and a little something. In the beginning, it was food, a flower and a couple of cookbooks. Now he leaves things for the baby: a pacifier, a blanket, a teddy bear, and clothes. Nothing too big because this situation couldn't be permanent, and eventually, I would have to leave.

"Naruto," Gaara said as he approached us.

"Hi," I said, but before we could continue our conversation, a guard approached. I recognized him as the temple's primary guard. He walked towards Takafumi and handed him a note before returning to his post.

"What's going on," Gaara asked after the priest finished reading the letter.

"This isn't good," he said and handed the note to the Kazekage.

Gaara read it over. I could tell by his expression that he wasn't pleased. "You can't leave now," he said and crumpled the note up.

Instantly, I knew the note was from the council member. During my stay here, Takafumi was called away every now and then. He usually left for a day, but he hadn't left since the complications with my pregnancy. However, if there was an emergency, he had to go. Normally there would be no question, but he was hesitating because of me. "If your patient needs you, you have to go. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine," I said trying to reassure him.

Gaara didn't look happy. He ignored my comments and addressed Takafumi. "I'll arrange to send another doctor."

"You can't do that," I said. Since I'd arrived, Takafumi always put me first. His job as a doctor gave his life purpose and he worked so hard to cure his only patient. I wouldn't allow him to give that up for me.

"Naruto's right, Gaara. Takafumi's reputation isn't the best, and if he doesn't go, people will start to ask questions," Temari said. She turned her attention toward Takafumi, "How long will you be gone?" she asked.

"It appears my patent has a high fever and with her disorder it could be deadly. I'd have to stay until she is stable, so about a week but I can't be certain," he said.

Takafumi looked torn. He didn't know what to do, so I tried to help. "You have to go. I won't over do it. For the last month, I've been fine and I still have four weeks to go until the baby's born, so you'll be back in plenty of time." I only wished I believed those words. Inside I was panicking, if something happened I'd be alone. The people in the temple couldn't help and I wasn't sure if they would help me if they could. I hated being here without Takafumi, and in the past, he was never gone for more than two days. A week was too long but I didn't say that. Now wasn't the time to be selfish.

"You have to fulfill your previous commitment. Your patient needs you," Gaara said and I nodded.

Takafumi agreed. He looked worried, but he excused himself and went to get his stuff.

"Are you sure you're going to be ok," Temari said. I smiled and nodded. "If something happens, what will you do?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said. I wrapped my arms around myself. The confidence that I displayed earlier was gone. "Nothing's going to happen, so I don't have to worry about that," I said more to convince myself than them.

Temari examined my discomfort and looked towards Gaara raising an eyebrow. A silent conversation happened between them and it annoyed me. I started to turn away and walk back. After all, I wasn't supposed to be over doing it.

"I have an idea," Temari said. "How about I stay here until the priest returns?"

I forced myself to think about her offer instead of eagerly agreeing, but before I could accept, Gaara spoke. "You can't stay here and ignore your other obligations."

I couldn't hide the disappointment. It took a couple of seconds to push those feelings away. "It's ok guys. I'll be fine. This place is filled with people and I'll take it easy."

Gaara stared at me and he saw the anxiety. "You need to remain calm," he said. He looked at Temari, "You can't stay you're organizing the festival and starting tomorrow other people will be arriving."

"What festival?" I asked.

"I didn't want to mention it because it might make you nervous and upset," Gaara said and I smiled. He was always looking out for me. "Our villages will be celebrating the anniversary of our treaty. This village will be hosting a festival and Temari's the head organizer."

I realized she couldn't stay even if she wanted to, and I accepted that I'd have to stay alone for the week until Takafumi returned. "It sounds like a big festival," I said, trying to change the subject and then I thought about what that meant. A lot of people from Konoha would attend and that's why Gaara was worried about me.

"Don't change the subject," Gaara said. "And yes a lot of people from your village will be here but don't worry about that because no one will come to this place," he said trying to reassure me.

I looked down. It's amazing how well he could read me. "I don't want you to worry about me. You've let me stay and you have protected me. I can handle being alone for a week."

He walked towards me and placed his hand on my neck, "Then why are you so tense?" he asked.

He was checking my blood pressure. I thought about stepping back but decided it would make him more concerned. "I'm a little nervous but it's going to be ok." My voice was a little hesitant and I knew Gaara noticed it but he continued to listen to me. "I want you to trust me. I know what I can handle and I will take it easy."

"Of course," he responded. He started to form an object with sand. I watched amazed by his technique. It seemed so natural and easy for him to do. The object looked like his eye. I looked at him, confused by his actions.

"This is my third eye. It will follow you around, and if you need help, I will know immediately, so you don't have to worry because you won't be alone."

I was touched. He knew what I needed. Yes I wouldn't be able to talk to anyone but that was ok. My main concern was that I would need help and no one would be there, but now Gaara would always be with me. I wanted to cry but over the last few months, I learned to control these emotional outbursts. "Thank you," I said.

The next three days were uneventful. I spent most of the time reading parenting books. I could recite every milestone of a baby's first year. I looked and studied diagrams on changing diapers, bathing, and holding a baby properly. I still longed for company and tried to start a conversation with the person who brought the food tray and failed. His yes or no answers were less than enticing and I couldn't get him to say anything else. I was almost desperate enough to talk to him anyway but decided against it. In the end, I talked to the baby. I told it stories, but I never mentioned Sasuke. I thought about him but never said his name aloud. After settling here, I started to feel guilty for keeping him away. It was his child too. Even if he hated me for what happened, he still had a right to know, but that opinion changed during one of Shikamaru's visits.

Shikamaru only visited a few times, bringing Konoha news with him. I never asked about Sasuke, but Shikamaru knew what I wanted to know, and he didn't disappoint me. Shikamaru told me about the missions Sasuke went on and that he was still looking for me. He often visited the sand village, but there was one thing Shikamaru never mentioned, so I asked. "When is Sasuke getting married?"

Shikamaru looked shocked. "Never," he said with finality in his tone.

"Isn't he engaged?" I asked. Sasuke didn't cave to the councils demand at first, but it was only a matter of time before he did. After all, he needed an heir too.

"Where do you get your ideas from?" Shikamaru asked.

I thought about Shikamaru's question. I told myself that Sasuke was out of reach. He would be starting a life with someone else. But judging from Shikamaru's reaction, my assumption was wrong. "He's not engaged." I said.

"Of course not," Shikamaru responded. "He's not interested in marriage. Did you really think he would back down to the council?" he asked.

Shikamaru had never asked about my relationship with Sasuke, but eventually I'd told him everything anyway. He knew as much as Gaara did. "Yes I do. He wants to revive his clan. It's his dream, so eventually he needs to get married. It's only a matter of time," I said.

"Sasuke told the council he would never get married and demanded for them to back off," Shikamaru said.

I was surprised that he wasn't giving in, but if Sasuke had said something like that, why didn't Shikamaru tell me before. "What about children? He wants to revive his clan." Shikamaru started to look uncomfortable. "What aren't you telling me?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said a little too quickly.

"Shikamaru tell me." I demanded

He thought about it. "I guess you should know. Sasuke told the council that there would never be an heir and the Uchiha clan will die with him. He also said it was for the best," Shikamaru paused, "He might not have meant it. There were people pushing him and he wanted to be left alone."

I touched my stomach. Sasuke wouldn't have said something like that without meaning it. From that point on, I no longer felt guilty about keeping his child from him. After all, he didn't want children and wished for the end of his own clan.

That conversation played in my mind every night. In the beginning, when I first started dreaming about being with Sasuke, I told myself it would never be because I couldn't give him what he needed. Then when I found out that I could make his dream come true, I ran away. I did it for the baby, but I was still being a coward and felt guilty, but when I heard, he said he didn't want a child that was devastating.

"Naruto," Shikamaru's voice called out from behind my closed door.

I opened the door and Temari and Shikamaru were standing outside. "Come in," I said, inviting them in. The bedroom was large with a table by the window. I was relieved to have company but slightly embarrassed by the mess. "Sorry it's a little messy in here. We can sit in the dinning area," I said.

"No here's fine. Besides it's not the first time I've visited and last time this place was worse," Shikamaru said.

I pouted at his comment even though it was true. "What are you doing here?" I asked. I wasn't expecting company especially with the celebration going on.

"Visiting you," he responded.

"No, I mean what are you doing in the village? Are you here for the festival?" I asked.

"Yeah, I arrived with the Hokage this morning," he said.

"Tsunade is here," I said more to myself than to them.

"Yes and that's one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you," he said and then looked behind me at Gaara's third eye, as if he was concerned about the Kazekage's presence.

I started to feel uncomfortable. Shikamaru said he would keep my secret until the baby's born or if he decided to tell someone he would speak to me first. "What does Tsunade have to do with your visit?" I asked. My body started to tense. Maybe she already knew, I thought.

"She doesn't know anything," Temari said, trying to reassure me.

"No she doesn't, but this is a great opportunity for you. You haven't made any long range plans. It's not too late. You can talk to Tsunade" Shikamaru said.

"Yes I have made plans. I know what I'm going to do," I said. It wasn't the truth but I kept going. "I know I can't stay here forever, so after the baby's born, I'll leave here and head north. When I get far enough away, I will start to build a new life for us."

"Is that really fair," Shikamaru asked.

"What do you mean fair?" I asked back.

"Fair to you, the baby, your friends, and Sasuke," he said.

I couldn't help it. I started to become angry. "Sasuke has nothing to do with this. It's my baby and my choice."

"The baby needs more than a life on the run and so do you. Come back to Konoha. Talk to Tsunade while she's here," Shikamaru said.

"Will you tell her?" I asked. Tension started to fill my body and I tried to relax. A slight pain started to form.

"I don't know? That's why I'm here to talk to you," Shikamaru said.

The pain started to increase. My body became more stressed and anxious. Right now, I wasn't capable of continuing this discussion. "This conversation is over," I said as a sharp pain caused me to double over.

"Naruto," Shikamaru and Temari said. The pain continued to rip through me.

"Get a doctor," Shikamaru ordered.

"Takafumi is the only doctor that lives here," Temari responded.

The pain was killing me. "Please do something," I begged. Then I screamed. I felt as though my insides were being ripped apart.

"Naruto it's ok," Shikamaru said trying to reassure me, but I didn't believe him. My vision started to blur and my mind slipped into unconsciousness.

**AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. The next chapter will be out the first week in September and it will be from Shikamaru's point of view. Remember feedback would be great. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

**Thanks to mystiewolf for the super beta job.**

**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 13**

**Shikamaru's POV**

"Please do something," Naruto pleaded. His face contorted in pain.

"Naruto it's going to be ok," I said trying to reassure him. He let out another scream as he slumped forward. I caught him. Then a red glow surrounded his body. Kyuubi's chakra, I thought. The chakra started out warm but the heat increased until it was burning hot. It hurt to touch him, so I gently laid him down on the floor and that's when I noticed the blood. I started to panic. He needs help, I told myself. "Temari is there another doctor we can call?" I asked.

Temari looked at me and shook her head. "No there's no one else that can be trusted. We have to let Gaara know."

"He should be on his way," I said gesturing towards the third eye. Even if Gaara brought a doctor with him, would that person be trustworthy and want to help, I asked myself. Naruto was defenseless. A doctor could easily let him die if he disagreed with the Kazekage. After all, Gaara was committing a crime by hiding Naruto here. Then there was the possibility the person wouldn't want this baby to be born. It was obvious that a demon caused this pregnancy to happen and people hated demons. All the different uncertainties were nerve-racking. There was only one thing I could do for Naruto to give him the best chance of survival, and that wasn't to entrust Gaara to handle the situation. I didn't like how much Naruto depended on him to begin with. No, I needed to bring a doctor that cared for him and would do whatever possible to save him. The current situation was spiraling out of control and now I needed to regain control. "I'm going to get the Hokage," I said and turned to leave.

"Wait! Gaara will be here soon. He'll handle the situation," Temari said.

"I'm not waiting for him to make a decision. Naruto needs a doctor now and preferably one that can be trusted. She is the best and more importantly, she loves Naruto. She will do whatever it takes to help him."

"But then she'll know everything. You promised Naruto not to tell anyone. Gaara will know what to do. Let's just wait." Temari said.

"I can't wait. He needs help. Besides Gaara will see it's the best option we have, and if he knew another doctor that could handle this situation and was trustworthy, then that doctor would already be here," I said before walking out the door.

The Hokage's temporary apartment was located just outside the center of the Sand Village. During this time of day plus the added activity as people prepared for the festival, it took me fifteen minutes to arrive. My clothes were stuck to my body with sweat and it took me a few seconds to catch my breath. I hated hot weather and this desert climate is the worst. I don't know how Naruto put up with it for so long.

A dark haired woman stood outside Tsunade's door. "I need to see the Hokage," I said.

"She's in a meeting. She should be done within the hour but she has another commitment afterwards," the woman said.

"Who is she meeting with?" I asked.

"Kakashi's group. They are here for the festival but they just completed a mission, and they're updating the Hokage on the situation. When the Hokage finishes that meeting, she will meet with the Sand Village's council. If you come back later tonight, she should be free."

"Tonight will be too late. Excuse me but it's important that I meet with her now and explain the situation. She is expecting an update." I lied but the important thing was to speak with the Hokage as soon as possible.

"Of course. If she's expecting you, then mention that in the beginning," the attendant said as she led me towards the office area. She knocked before entering, but didn't wait for a response, but if this was an emergency, like I indicated, then that would be standard procedure.

"What is it Aoi? I'm in a meeting," the Hokage said.

"Hokage, Shikamaru is here to update you on the situation. He says you are expecting him."

"Oh I am," she said clearly amused and surprised by my lie.

I walked passed Aoi and towards the desk. Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke stood between the Hokage and me. "I need talk to you alone," I said.

"That will be all, Aoi," she said dismissing the guard.

"Shikamaru it better be urgent. Kakashi would you take your team outside and we'll continue the debriefing in a few minutes."

The three proceeded out the door. Maybe it was the situation or a slight fear that he would see everything that drew my attention to Sasuke. He looked irritated and annoyed probably because of my presence. Since I needed to speak with the Hokage, they were asked to leave, so his attitude was understandable. But he was still selfish, cold, self-centered, and impatient. Definitely not the characteristics of a good father.

"Well I'm waiting," she said immediately after the door slammed not even giving me a chance to start my explanation.

I needed to be direct and to the point. I couldn't waste time trying to hide things or make light of the situation. Naruto needed a doctor now and I needed to take responsibility for my actions. I helped him hide and didn't make sure he had the proper medical care. "I've been in contact with Naruto." I waited for a reaction.

"How long have you been in contact with him?" she asked.

"A few months," I said. I studied her reaction. She was surprised but didn't interrupt me. We both understood the seriousness of that statement. Like Naruto, I would be punished for my actions, but right now that wasn't important. "I don't have time to give you all the details. Naruto needs immediate medical attention and I don't trust anyone else to help him but you," I said.

She stood up, knocking over the chair. "What's wrong with him?" she asked.

A long explanation would have to wait, but she needed to know the gravity of the situation. "He's pregnant and there is something wrong."

She looked surprised not shocked. I expected resistance and having to spend time convincing her it was possible. "A male pregnancy created with a demon's power is dangerous. How far along is he?" she asked.

Her acceptance was astonishing. She knew about male pregnancies. I wanted to ask, but now wasn't the time. "Eight months or so," I said.

"Has he had any other complications?" she asked.

"About a month ago he had heavy cramping but it passed," I said. "We should hurry."

"First one more thing, describe his current state and how it happened," she demanded.

"He started to get angry and then he doubled over in pain. There was blood on the floor and a hot red chakra surrounded him," I said.

"Then we do have to hurry. I'll need Sakura to assist," she said.

I still wanted to keep Naruto's secret. "Can't you go alone? Naruto's not ready for people to know," I said.

"People will find out when he returns to the village. It's not something he can hide." She stopped for a moment and thought about the situation. "He has no plans of going home. Am I right?"

I thought about the question and answered it honestly, "I'm trying to convince him to return, but it's complicated. He thinks it's best for the baby that he stays away," I said.

She turned towards the door. "Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura, inside," she ordered.

I knew then that she wasn't going to tell just Sakura but all of them. I tried to think of a way to stop her, but she wouldn't have listened to me. Even if I told her it was Sasuke's baby, it wouldn't have helped. She wasn't going to let Naruto hide. Besides, I wouldn't betray Naruto anymore than I already had by telling more people. I just hoped Tsunade knew what she was doing.

"Sakura I'll need your assistance with a delicate operation. Kakashi and Sasuke you will come along as well. Your new mission will be to watch the patient and make sure he doesn't disappear. I trust you three to be discreet. It must be kept a secret from everyone. No one can know what you're doing," she directed.

This was excessive, I thought. Naruto wouldn't be happy, so I tried to help. "I don't think you need to be so extreme. He's not going anywhere. At least, not anytime soon," I said directing my comments toward Tsunade.

"You said it yourself he's not prepared to return to the village. I'm starting to understand his reasons for leaving, but I'm not prepared to watch him disappear again, and if Naruto can't trust his own team, then who else can he trust," she said.

"Our patient is Naruto?" Sakura said shocked by the turn of events.

"Yes and I can trust everyone to keep it quiet. He's in enough trouble and I need time to think of a way to fix the situation," she said.

"What's wrong with him?" Sasuke demanded. "If he needs a doctor, shouldn't we hurry," he said.

"Your right, we need to hurry. We will talk about this later. Shikamaru bring us to Naruto," Tsunade said.

Tsunade gave brief instructions to Aoi and then we were on our way. The situation kept replaying in my head. One thing was for certain, this was a mess. Naruto was going to kill me. When I talked to him earlier about coming forward and talking with the Hokage, it was still his choice. I didn't plan to take that away from him. If he was adamant about not telling anyone, I probably would have left it at that for now, but I wouldn't let him leave. He had friends even if he couldn't see that and a life on the run was not the answer for him or the baby. We approached the temple and decided to sneak in and not go through the main gate. If others found out the Hokage visited here, then people would wonder why. We couldn't afford for others to become suspicious.

We entered the building unseen. "Where's Naruto?" Tsunade asked but the question wasn't directed at me.

"He's upstairs in the medical examining room," Gaara answered. He looked directly at me then at my companions. "What are they doing here?" he asked but his attention focused on Sasuke.

"What do you think we're doing here?" Sasuke answered back coldly. "Hiding a missing nin from an ally has serious repercussions."

Gaara was about to answer Sasuke but Tsunade interrupted. "We don't have time for this. Sakura lets go." Then she turned towards Gaara. "Shikamaru gave me a brief explanation on the situation, so if I need anything from you Kazekage, I'll let you know." She proceeded up the stairs and then stopped, "Oh and everyone keep calm. I would like to keep this situation a secret for now and since everyone here cares about Naruto, then you can act in his best interests."

The silence was unnerving. I stared at the room's occupants. Gaara gave Sasuke a cold look and Sasuke responded with a look of indifference. "Well Gaara, how about you inform us of the situation?" Kakashi asked.

"It's not my situation to talk freely about," Gaara responded. "But since you're here, you can wait in the upstairs waiting area."

"Is Naruto going to be all right? What's wrong with him?" Sasuke asked.

Gaara refused to answer. He turned around and started to walk up the stairs. I could tell Gaara hated Sasuke and there was jealousy there too. I heard the same story he had, and while it was difficult to predict Sasuke's reaction, I didn't blame him or hate him for what had happened. Gaara was different. He felt protective of Naruto and blamed Sasuke for hurting him. "Naruto's situation is unusual. We'll have to wait and see, but he's in the best possible hands." I said as we reached the waiting area. The room was small with five chairs and a small table. There were two doors at opposite ends of the room. Naruto was being treated in the exam room at the far end of the waiting area.

Before I could sit down, Sasuke started asking questions. "Shikamaru, how long have you known Naruto was here?"

His cold and angry voice surprised me. While Naruto and Sasuke were teammates, I didn't expect them to be this close. When Naruto first left, Sasuke frantically searched for him. He even ignored his duties trying to find him. It was then I suspected their relationship might have been more then rivals, and when I discovered Naruto was pregnant, I realized the true depth of their relationship. While Naruto felt guilty, I don't think Sasuke would regret what happened if he remembered it. But obviously, Naruto doesn't understand Sasuke's feelings. He's too self-conscious and doesn't think he deserves love. "How long I've known doesn't matter," I said.

Sasuke's eyes looked angrier. Before he could address my remark Kakashi asked, '"Can you tell us what's wrong with him?"

Refusing to answer Sasuke was one thing but refusing to talk to Kakashi was something else. "It's hard to explain. Let's leave it to the Hokage," I said. I already told one person and anyone else that finds out would not do so through me.

Kakashi nodded. I think he understood my hesitation was connected to loyalty. "I see. I guess we're waiting then," he said.

No one spoke for the next hour. I could still feel Sasuke's glare but I refused to look at anyone especially him. I blamed myself for this situation, not just for breaking my promise and telling the Hokage, but also for not preventing it from happening. I relied too much on Gaara and didn't insure Naruto had the proper medical treatment. I didn't have a problem with the doctor but I didn't know him either. Naruto's should have been under the Hokage's care. No matter how good a doctor might be she was far better. Only luck saved him. If she hadn't been here, Naruto might have died. While Naruto's decisions were impulsive, he swept people into his way of doing things. Usually I'm immune to his rash planning, but this time I was pulled in instead of getting him help.

The silence ended with a loud wail. A baby started crying behind the closed door. I let out a deep breath and looked towards Gaara. There was no change in his outer appearance but his eyes shone slightly brighter than before. The baby continued to demonstrate its powerful lungs that must have been inherited from Naruto.

The baby cried for almost five minutes but the sound was rewarding. The way the newborn carried on it was definitely healthy. During this time, I held my breath waiting for the questions from Sasuke and Kakashi, but they remained silent. I refused to look towards them, so I couldn't assess their reaction. I didn't plan on telling them anything even if they asked. Sakura or Tsunade would have to explain it to them. About an hour later, Tsunade exited the room. She looked tired while wearing her white lab coat that was now stained with blood.

Gaara didn't wait for her to give an update. He immediately started to question her. "Well, how is Naruto?"

The Hokage sighed before answering the question. "He's going to be fine after some rest. He has some internal damage but I've managed to stabilize him and after he builds up his chakra then Kyuubi will do the rest."

Naruto was strong and the demon would make sure he lived so I was relieved. However, one question needed to be asked, "And the baby, is it alright?"

She smiled and looked pleased. "It's a boy. He is healthy and strong, but a little small. That's normal for a baby born one month premature," she said.

"Would someone explain, what's going on?" Sasuke demanded.

Tsunade looked at me then at Gaara. "You didn't tell them," she said.

I shook my head. "It's not something that can easily be explained," I said.

Tsunade decided to explain as directly as possible. "Naruto had a baby," she said and then looked at me. "Now was that difficult?" she asked.

I looked at her. "That's it?" I asked. She was going to leave it at that with no other explanation.

"Well, I think they already know where babies come from, so the rest is pretty simple. Naruto gave birth to a healthy baby boy. See how easy it is to explain," she said.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "We do need a little bit more information. Naruto's a boy and having a child isn't possible," Kakashi said.

Tsunade shook her head in agreement as Sakura walked out of the room carrying the baby. "No, that's true, but with Kyuubi's power it's possible for this little guy to be born." Sakura explained.

"This isn't the first time this type of situation has happened. When a demon sealed inside a male host decides to reproduce, it makes it happen. Sometimes the host will marry and have children the normal way and other times it will force the male to carry the child. The baby is connected through chakra. Because a male doesn't have the space for a growing baby, it can become dangerous. This type of pregnancy hardly ever goes to full term because of the pressure on the internal organs. The first warning started with the cramping. At that point, the child should have been delivered. The baby has chakra influenced by the demon, so even if it's born two to three months premature, the child will survive, but they tend to be smaller and more prone to diseases because of their weak immune system. Chakra can't cure diseases, but this little guy doesn't have to worry about that," Tsunade explained.

"What about the eerie red chakra?" I asked. It was disturbing and not right. I wanted to know more about it.

"The glowing red chakra started to heal the injuries the pregnancy was causing. The baby was reaching a critical stage, so the demon used a lot of its chakra to keep Naruto and the child alive. After Naruto exhausted his and the demon's chakra supply, he would have died unless he received medical attention before that happened," Tsunade explained. Then she surveyed the room looking to make sure everyone understood her explanation. Then she stared at Sasuke before focusing on no one in general. "The baby was created by two people. Kyuubi doesn't offer any of its DNA, so the question remains, who is the baby's other father."

"It's probably mine," Sasuke said. I was shocked. How did he know? He stood there, eyes focused on the child in Sakura's arms. At that time, he didn't look like someone who didn't want any children. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was thrilled. His face remained impassive but a light in his eyes expressed his true feelings.

"Probably?" Tsunade said in a tone that was clearly asking for an explanation.

"Eight months ago while on a mission, Naruto and I slept together. It took us a few weeks to get back to the village and I'm sure he wasn't screwing other people during that time. Anyway, the timings perfect," Sasuke explained.

Tsunade nodded but didn't look surprised by the turn of events. The Hokage also realized Naruto's true feelings, I thought. He would be surprised if he knew how easily others read him. "Well then, that puts a damper on your no children plan. Unless you want to deny your son, since Naruto tried to hide this, I don't think he'll fight you if you don't claim him," Tsunade said.

Sasuke looked angry. He walked over to the child and touched its head. "This is my son and that's all that matters. I won't pretend he doesn't exist."

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm surprised you're not demanding a DNA test or something," Tsunade said.

"I don't need that. Naruto's not a whore. He wouldn't sleep with more than one person in a short period of time. Besides no one here is challenging my claim to the baby, so it appears they already know the truth," he said. The last part was directed at Gaara and me.

"When an Uchiha child is born, sometimes the trauma of birth causes a reaction in the baby's eyes. The child is incapable of forming the Sharingan but newborn's eyes turn red. It's unique and doesn't happen all the time," Tsunade said.

"I know," Sasuke said. "Did his eyes change?" he asked but there was uncertainty in his voice.

Sakura smiled and responded, "Yes his eyes changed."

"There is not doubt this child is part of the Uchiha clan," Tsunade said.

Sasuke looked like he was going to ask something but Gaara cut him off. "What now?" he asked. His eyes narrowed as he addressed the Hokage.

"Well, is it true Naruto doesn't plan on returning to Konoha?" she asked Gaara.

"I can't speak for him but he's made no indication he plans on leaving here," Gaara said.

"Well then, Kakashi and Sasuke will remain with Naruto to make sure he doesn't run away again. It's important others don't find him until he agrees to return. The punishment for his actions will be more lenient if he willingly returns," Tsunade said.

"So you plan to ignore his wishes and force him back?" Gaara asked.

Sasuke was about to answer but Tsunade gave him a look that kept him quiet. "If I have to," Tsunade said.

"I promised Naruto my help, so don't expect things to go as smoothly as you think they will. If Naruto doesn't want to return, then I will make sure he doesn't have to," Gaara said.

"You will risk a war for this?" Tsunade asked clearly surprised by Gaara's words.

"I have other options besides war. Tell Naruto I'll visit him later." After that proclamation, Gaara left.

"Tsunade, there's nothing he can do?" Sakura asked.

"There's one thing he could try, so it's best if Naruto agrees to return on his own," Tsunade said. "Sakura, I'll leave you in charge of Naruto and the baby's care. Sasuke, you're the best person to convince Naruto to return home," Tsunade said.

"Convince him?" Sasuke asked. "He doesn't have a choice. He is not going anywhere with my child," Sasuke said.

"Sasuke that attitude will only scare him away," Kakashi said.

Tsunade shook her head. "Kakashi, I'll let you handle this. Oh, and Sakura show Sasuke how to take care of a baby. He will be the child's primary care giver until Naruto wakes up." Then she turned towards me. "Let's go Shikamaru; we have to find a way to bring Naruto home as painlessly as possible."

I turned and looked back before walking down the stairs. I watched as Sakura placed the baby in Sasuke's arms. Her mouth moved giving him instructions. He cradled the baby close to his body and held him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. Then he stared behind Sakura into the room Naruto rested in and he carried the baby through the door. Sakura followed close behind. Everything will be ok, I thought before I left.

**AN: There was one mistake in the timeline for the last chapter. It wasn't almost 4 1/2 months but a four months time jump since Naruto arrived in Gaara's village. That would make Naruto 8 months pregnant. Thanks to - ****for catching that.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. The next chapter should be out next week sometime. It's almost done but I can't seem to decide on the baby's name. As always, feedback and comments are greatly appreciated. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings: **SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

**Warnings: **Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

Thanks to everyone who reviewed because of all your encouragement I've decided to finish the story. A lot has happened in the last year and I had to go back and reread the story and go through my notes to figure out where I intended the story to go. I will try to post the next chapter within two weeks. I hope everyone enjoys chapter 14.

* * *

**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 14**

**Back to Naruto's POV**

"Naruto," a familiar voice called out, but whose voice was it? My body continued to drift as the voice kept rising, becoming impossible to ignore. I tried to block it out, but the incessant sound would not stop. I wanted to confront the speaker pulling me from this perfect peace, but my body wouldn't move. Suddenly, I needed to wake up to prove that I could. The voice anchored my mind, I focused on it and forced my eyes open and came face to face with Kyuubi.

Immediately my body reacted, tensing as I focused on the fox. "Why are you here?" I asked.

"Look closer brat. You're in front of my cage," Kyuubi said.

My head turned away from the fox as I took in the surroundings, "I don't understand. How did I get here?"

"Why must you ask stupid questions? None of that matters. It's time for you to wake up."

"Wake up." I repeated trying to understand the meaning behind the fox's words. Images formed and then the pain. My last conscience memory replayed and the panic started. I forced the words out, "Is my baby alright?"

"Despite the damage done to your body, I kept the baby alive until it was delivered. It was fully developed and strong enough to survive." The tension started to leave my body. But before I could fully calm myself, Kyuubi's question forced my attention back. "Do you intend to remain here forever?" I stared at the fox. "We're too vulnerable like this. Your body is healing, so wake up and take care of your baby."

The nine-tailed demon's aura flared. The fox was agitated by my unconsciousness perhaps even worried. "Fine," I said smiling. Kyuubi cared and it meant a lot. Besides I wanted to see my child, but one thing needed to be said. Before completely fading away the words came out, "Oh and this is the only time I will ever say this and I know you didn't do it for me, but thanks." I loved the idea of being a parent; the fox made it possible and for the first time showed actual concern.

"Don't get chocked up over your gratitude," Kyuubi said before starting to laugh.

It was definitely a mistake giving the stupid fox a complement. The demon's already inflated ego had a hard time fitting in the cage and if it got any bigger it would burst out. This time I didn't look back before speaking again. "Go to hell," I said drifting away from the prison bars and the loud obnoxious laughter.

The sun shone through the window. It took a moment for my eyes to focus. I recognized the room from the temple. The position and brightness of the light indicated it was mid afternoon. I turned my head away from the light. Everything hurt including my throat. I open my mouth to call out but the dry itchy feeling prevented any recognizable sounds from escape my lips.

"Welcome back to the world of the living, Naruto," Kakashi said, but it couldn't be possible. Kakashi didn't know where to find me. Slowly, I turned towards the voice and gasped. I tried to sit up. This had to be a joke or a hallucination. There's no way Kakashi could be here. "Calm down," he ordered helping me sit up before offering water.

"What's going on?" I asked trying to make sense of the situation. Questions started to form in my head: how long was I out, what happened during that time, how did Kakashi find me and did anyone else know. But one question needed to be asked. "The baby. Where's my baby?" In a frantic haste, I looked around for any signs of a baby. A bottle rested on a nearby table next to folded blankets while a stuffed red fox sat on the bookcase.

"The baby's fine. I will call the others in," he said and stood to leave.

The others, I thought. What did he mean by that? Perhaps Gaara and Shikamaru?

He said the baby was fine and I believed him, and Kyuubi also indicated the same thing, but I wouldn't be completely relaxed until I held my child. The whispering voices behind the door drew my mind back to reality. The voices sounded familiar and one sounded like Sasuke but it couldn't be possible. Perhaps I wanted to hear his voice. Kakashi walked back in and my heart nearly stopped beating because behind him stood Sakura and Sasuke. How was this possible? Sasuke was here and holding my child. Well, technically our child, but it wasn't fair. I wanted to be the first one to hold the baby. I wanted to scream. Inside I started to panic. What happened while I was out?

"Here let's get you into a better position so you can hold the baby," Kakashi said as he helped me to sit up with my back leaning against the headboard. Sakura walked over, and held a bright pen light up to my eyes, and listened to my pulse. I ignored Kakashi and Sakura and focused only on Sasuke holding my child. Sakura started to lift my shirt up. I pushed her hand away. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Naruto I need to check the stitches, so behave yourself and then you can hold your son," she said.

"It's a boy. Is he ok?" I asked.

Sakura pushed the blanket down to cover my lower region as she lifted up the shirt to look at the stitches. That's when I noticed the shirt was all I wore. What happened to boxers or pants? Sakura poked at the area. The stitches looked fresh. Kyuubi hadn't started to heal the wound. "The baby is small but healthy. You're much worse off," she said.

I looked at Sasuke again. His gaze never left me. He watched my reaction and body language. He continued to stare. Did he know? I asked myself. Sakura started to pull down my shirt. When she finished pulling up the blanket, I asked, "Can I hold him now?" She would keep her promise. I behaved during her poking and prodding and now I wanted my baby.

"Yeah just take it easy. The baby just finished eating so he should be asleep soon. Well, if you'll excuse us, Kakashi and I have something to do" Sakura said as she averted her eyes from mine and looked up. Sakura sucked at lying.

"Yes, we'll be leaving you. Sasuke will help you with the baby, so don't try to move or do anything reckless," Kakashi said before following Sakura out, but not before sharing a secret look with Sasuke. Something happened. Something was up. Hopefully, Sasuke didn't know he was a father.

I stared at him as he moved closer. The way he held the baby made him look like a parent and I started to feel guilty. "Do you know how to hold a baby?" he asked.

"Of course I know how to hold my baby," I said truthfully. I spent a couple of days practicing on a doll before it caught fire, and since then I examined diagrams in books. "You have to be careful and support its neck." I said to prove my knowledge, but his scrutiny made me nervous. Even though I knew what to do, it was still the first time I held a child.

He walked over and slowly lowered the baby into my arms. Amazed by his skill, I started to speak before realizing what I was saying. "How did you get so good at holding him?" I asked.

"You've been out for three days, so I have practical experience," he said.

I was a little sad. I'd missed the first three days of his life. I looked down at the baby. He was soft and warm. His skin wasn't as dark as mine but also not as pale as Sasuke's. He had a full head of black hair. His eyes were closed and he moved his mouth. It was only a matter of time before he fell asleep. "What color are his eyes?" I asked.

"Blue. He has your eyes," Sasuke said.

"Oh," I responded. I held him closer to smell his soft sweet scent. I smiled and started to cry. I tried to force myself not to. Especially around Sasuke, but I couldn't help it. I felt his eyes on me. "You can leave now," I said, trying to stop him from staring and to give me time to compose myself.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said.

Damn, why did he have to be so stubborn? "Then turn around," I ordered. "Your staring is starting to freak me out."

"Get use to it," he said.

Normally, I would have screamed at that statement, but holding my baby calmed me in a way I never experienced before. Besides, screaming would have scared him and I had this powerful resolve to protect this small being and always keep him safe. His face looked calm and peaceful. Very soon, he'd be sleeping. "Was his diaper changed?" I asked.

"Yes after he ate," Sasuke said. "Did you think of a name yet?" he asked.

"Did Sasuke know?" I asked myself. His face betrayed nothing. While I didn't want him to know and the idea of him knowing frightened me, I didn't care at this moment. Only the baby mattered. He was my son and I'd make sure he got everything he wanted. "Kei," I said answering Sasuke's question.

"Kei," Sasuke repeated. "The name's fine. Naruto we need to talk," he said.

Normally I'd yell at him. Why did he think I needed his ok to name my baby? A part of me was scared too. He wanted to talk, but I was so absorbed with my son that his words didn't matter. "Ok," I said.

"Let's put the baby down," he said and moved to take him from me.

I didn't want him to go. "Where are you going to take him?" I demanded. The child wasn't going to leave my side.

"There's a cradle in front of your bed. I plan to put him in there so he can sleep. Do you have a problem with that?" he asked but his voice started to get cold.

I ignored his reaction. "No that's alright." I said. As long as he was in sight, anywhere was fine.

I watched Sasuke's every move. He picked up the baby and brought it close to him. He held the child like something delicate and breakable. He was careful as he walked over to the baby's bed and placed him down. I'd never imagined Sasuke with that expression on his face, so I couldn't place it, but he looked breathtaking. He focused all his attention on the baby and never noticed my staring.

He watched the baby for a moment before turning to look at me. "We need to talk," he said and walked over to the bed and sat in the seat Kakashi left empty. His tone was demanding. He wouldn't be sidetracked no matter what I did. We would have the conversation he wanted.

I still tried to steer the conversation towards a different direction. I didn't want to face the fact that he might know the truth or suspect I had sex with someone else. By now it was obvious to everyone that Kei had two fathers. "There's not much to say. I'm curious how you found me though," I said, trying to evade the topic he wanted to discuss. I still hoped he didn't remember. I didn't want to face the consequences of what happened, but the way he held the baby with complete love and devotion made me uncertain.

He started to get angry. He wouldn't be sidetracked. "Not much to say," he repeated with an icy tone just above a whisper. "Were you ever going to tell me?" Sasuke asked.

"Tell you what?" I wasn't going to give the truth away. Besides there were so many things I neglected to tell him, so he'd have to be more specific.

I didn't think it was possible but he started to look even colder. "That I have a son," he said.

This time there was no running away from the truth. He knew but I wouldn't give in just yet. He's the one who forgot and he couldn't pretend he didn't. When he woke up from the hospital, he didn't know what happened, but when did he realize the truth. Perhaps I had been wrong the whole time and he never forgot. Maybe he wanted to pretend it never happened. Did the thought make him sick? For the first time since that day, I didn't feel guilty but angry and sad. "I don't know what you mean," I said and waited for his response.

"Don't play stupid," he ordered. "You're dumb enough as it is, Dobe."

As he insulted me my anger escalated. Maybe I did miss read him. I was so certain he didn't remember but I could've been wrong. Today Sasuke showed me different sides of himself. It was possible I didn't know him at all, so I asked with a challenging tone. "You knew from the beginning that we slept together. Didn't you?" Maybe this whole thing was a game to him. Did he want to watch me panic? When he woke up in the hospital, was he laughing at me? Did I disgust him? What was I to him?

"Not from the very beginning," he said. "The memories started to come back and you left evidence like scratches and bite marks. When you started to act weird, I tried to find a reason for your behavior and then the memories started to come back."

My anger continued to rise. "If you knew, why didn't you say something," I demanded. I hated being laughed at and that's what he must have done.

He looked colder then before. He didn't raise his voice but he didn't have to his tone was enough." You didn't give me a chance. You ran away carrying my child. Did you plan on mentioning that?" he asked.

What right did he have to be angry? He forgot not me. Maybe I didn't handle things right that night, but he forgot everything. I silently wondered if this anger had always been here and I didn't notice it. Besides he's the one who didn't want children. In the end, I was doing him a favor. I wasn't the only one keeping secrets either. He didn't tell me he remembered. He had plenty of opportunities to mention it. "I was never going to tell you," I said. I wouldn't hide the truth now.

He curled his fists up and his body stiffened. "Oh, I see. And what exactly were your plans?" he asked.

I looked straight at him. He believed that his knowing changed the situation. I was a missing nin. When I decided to the leave the village, it was for good. My son would grow up in a place where no one thought he was different. He wouldn't have to live up to the Uchiha bloodline or try to prove he wasn't contaminated by a demon. The child came first and making a good home for him was my priority. "My plans are to travel north with my son and set up a home far away," I said.

"Oh that's brilliant," he said sarcastically. "You'd have a great life living on the run with a baby. I'm sure it's every child's dream not having a permanent home and constantly living in danger. Just more proof you dangerous judgment and impulsive decisions will endanger my child."

"You bastard. Don't you dare judge me. I did the best I could and made the best decisions possible. You weren't a factor then or now," I said. This is my child. I will decide what's best for him. I was the one who wanted him and gave up everything for him. How dare Sasuke try to take over?

"If leaving home pregnant, while running from hunter ninjas, an example of your great decision making skills, then you have a lot to learn. You could have killed yourself and the baby. Perhaps you need to stop putting your needs before the child's."

Now that hurt. I left my home to make sure the baby survived. Didn't he see the danger? I started to explain, "Bastard, you don't…" but he placed a hand over my mouth.

"Not too loud. The baby's sleeping. Try to control yourself," he said and smirked.

What made me think I loved him? "Go to hell," I said.

"Not yet. But don't worry, unlike you I realize the child needs both of us," he said.

"Oh, so your planning to travel north with us." I said defiantly showing nothing changed.

The coldness was disappearing from his eyes. "You're not going anywhere except back home," he said.

I wasn't ready to give in. Konoha wasn't safe. I still remembered the council and their plans. They wanted an Uchiha heir and I'm sure their plans didn't include me raising the child. "Wanna bet," I said.

"I don't bet, especially, when the outcome is obvious," he responded. Did he plan to force me back? I'd be arrested and imprisoned. They'll take away my son. "Don't worry about the consequences for abandoning the village. I'll take care of the mess you made," he said.

"Oh that's right your perfect and can deal with anything," I said but not to be nasty. I was thinking about him taking away my choices and that made me feel powerless.

"I don't have to be perfect. Just smart," he said.

I felt emotionally drained. "I'm tired. Please leave so I can go to sleep." I needed time alone to think and maybe take a short nap.

"I'm not leaving. If you want to sleep, then I won't disturb you. I'll just sit here." He was planning on staying. I started to protest when his hands touched me. He pushed my hair back and ran his one hand down my check.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded. His touch burned. I still wanted it. I hated my response.

"Try to calm down. I want to help you back down. You're not going to sleep sitting up," he said.

I thought about those hands on other parts of my body and panicked. "Don't touch me! I can do it on my own."

"Don't be stupid. Kyuubi hasn't started to heal the stitches. If you struggle, you'll only cause more damage." I nodded. It wasn't the time to be stubborn. I needed to heal as fast as possible.

He pushed the sheet down, exposing my naked legs. I forced my body not to react. His hands where strong and gentle as he helped me back down. The oversized shirt started to ride up and expose more of my body. I don't know why it bothered me so much. We bathed together and even slept together and I was embarrassed showing a little skin. I stared at the ceiling. I hoped he would leave, but from his relaxed position on the chair, he wasn't going anywhere. "You don't have to stay," I said.

The complete silence irritated me. I started to hum very softly but he didn't respond. He just sat there and stared at me. "If you plan to stay, I can't stop you but at least stop staring. It's annoying."

He didn't get a chance to respond before Tsunade opened the door. "How's the patient? Is Sasuke taking good care of you" she asked.

Sasuke and I didn't respond to her questions verbally. However, we did glare at her and she laughed at us.

"See how much you two have in common. You have identical responses. Next time you'll be wearing matching outfits," she said and smiled, amused by her own joke. Then her expression turned serious. "Naruto, you need to think things through and stop being so impulsive. If Shikamaru hadn't been here, I hate to think what would have happened to you," she said.

I don't know why it came as a surprise. Tsunade answered one of my earlier questions. It was Shikamaru who told them. "Yes remind me to thank him later," I said with my voice full of venom.

"Yes that would be a good ides because without him you and your son would be dead," she said.

"Maybe he's incapable of gratitude," Sasuke said, bringing himself back into the conversation.

He did have a point. It must have been hard for Shikamaru to get help and he did it for me. I had my baby and that's all that really mattered. But Sasuke's comments were irritating, I could be grateful. "Yeah why don't you leave and I then I'll say thanks," I responded.

"I've given orders that you're not to be alone, so if Sasuke leaves, Sakura or Kakashi have to come in and sit with you," she said.

That's when I understood. I wasn't trusted, but in her defense, if I could leave with the baby, I would do it. "I'm not going back." I said. For my whole life, I faced the stares and hatred of other. My son wouldn't have to deal with that. "Kei needs a place where he can be normal."

Tsunade shook her hear. "He is part of the Uchiha bloodline. But more importantly, I care about you. A life always worrying about others finding you is not something you want. You and your son have a home. It's not perfect but there will be a lot of people around who care about you," she said.

I didn't believe her. I couldn't figure out all the people there for me. I could think of only five. "Could you leave me alone," I said, hoping to have time to think things through.

"Fine I'll be back later to talk to you but Sasuke will stay. I think you two have a lot to talk about," she said and turned to leave.

"I don't want to talk, just sleep," I said. I was surprised when he didn't argue but nodded. He still stared at me but I ignored him and thought about the future.

AN: Chapter 15 is almost done but needs to be edited, but I hope to have it out soon. Chapter 16 is giving me some problems so it might be awhile until it's done. While rereading the story, I noticed a lot of mistakes and will go back an edit the chapters when the story is done. For everyone who waited over a year for the next chapter, I don't want to make you wait any longer for the stories completions. My main writing goal is to finish the story. Thanks again to all the reviewers.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer**: Naruto doesn't belong to me and I will be making no money from this story. This is simply a work of fiction by a fan.

**Pairings**:SasuNaru, one-sided GaaraNaruto, plus others

Warnings: Yaoi, angst, mpreg OOC, language, Naruto's POV

**Special thanks to mystiewolf for the great beta read**.

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**Hidden Heartache**

**Chapter 15**

I refused to speak to Sasuke for the rest of the day. He tried to engage me in another conversation, but I ignored him. My only focus was on the baby and taking care of him. I needed time to deal with the situation and to calm my growing anxiety. I thought about going back to Konoha and raising the baby with Sasuke, but it wouldn't work. Our relationship was too tense to involve a child and I couldn't subject my baby to anything similar to my childhood. Besides, as a criminal my freedom was in jeopardy and I was too tired to think about fighting let alone actually doing it.

By the next morning, things still looked bleak as I tried to work out an escape plan. Good thing my lower abdomen was feeling better as Kyuubi continued to heal me. Yesterday it had hurt to move around and I couldn't get out of bed, but today the pain had considerably lessened and I was able to move around my room. The skin around the area was still tender and as my mobility increased so did the scrutiny of the others.

The baby cried almost every three hours. He was tiny but always hungry. I demanded the right to feed him. At first Sasuke and Sakura had objected but they caved as the feedings started and no great tragedy befell me or the baby. In the beginning, my body couldn't handle changing the newborn or burping him. Any added pressure or weight felt as though the stitches were being ripped apart, so I left those tasks to Sasuke and to my surprise, he didn't object. It didn't take me long to realize that the baby's primary care givers were me and Sasuke. Kakashi and Sakura popped in but didn't offer any help.

Today I changed his first diaper. It was a little awkward at first and annoying when Sasuke showed me how to do it, but I didn't object. His parenting skills surpassed mine and it hurt. Not because he was good at it, it was easy to see his expertise and gentleness, but because I still planned on leaving. While Kakashi and Sakura only came in the room every now and then, Sasuke never left. When he was tired, he slept sitting up in the chair and no one commented on the situation. It annoyed me that Sasuke watched my every move. Did he think he needed to protect the child from me?

"Naruto," Gaara said as I put the baby down for an afternoon nap.

"Gaara," I responded glad to see him. I looked over towards Sasuke who just stared at us and the current situation hit me. I looked towards Gaara and apologized. "I'm sorry about the mess."

Gaara didn't look angry. "Don't be. If anything, I need to apologize to you. I couldn't keep my promise," he said.

Gaara is a great person. To bad he doesn't see that quality in himself. Everything is my fault. I came here begging for help and now Gaara's apologizing for not being able to help me enough. "No it's alright. If Tsunade didn't come, then my baby might not have made it," I said and truly believed it. No matter what had happened, my baby was alive and that's all that mattered.

Gaara looked towards Sasuke. "We need to talk. I would wait until you're alone but it doesn't seem like that will happen." He paused, waiting for my full attention, "Do you want to go back to Konoha?" he asked.

Up until this point I didn't think I had a say in the matter. I had to fall in line and return or continue to run. No one actually asked me what I wanted. I needed to know what he was asking, but before I could respond Sasuke said, "He doesn't have a choice."

Sasuke's voice was icy, cold, and a little scary. I looked down at the baby and rubbed his back. "How about we finish this conversation outside? I don't want to wake him," I said.

Gaara nodded, turned, and walked out the door. Sasuke maneuvered his way in between us as we continued down the hall towards the large sitting area.

"Sit down," Sasuke ordered as he directed me towards the couch.

Now he was starting to piss me off. I wasn't a dog that needed a master. I glared at him but before I could speak, he continued, "You've been on your feet all morning. If you overdue it, then you'll be confined to bed again."

I hated it when he was right. My abdomen started to feel sore, so I complied. "Fine," I grumbled then focused on Gaara.

Gaara stood to my left and Sasuke positioned his body to my right. "Naruto, do you want to return to Konoha?" he asked.

I thought back to my childhood and the council members. I lived with hate everyday of my life and I wanted more for Kei. But what about Sasuke? Did he still not want children? He was taking care of the child and staking a claim to him, but I wondered if he really loved him, or did he see him as a possession and a responsibility? "I don't know." I answered. Right now Konoha only represented pain for me and Kei.

"How about you stay here? I'll help you raise the baby. I understand what it means to be different and can relate to the child the same way you can," Gaara said.

Sasuke's body tensed and he look towards me. I refused to make eye contact with him. "You mean you'd let me stay," I said but couldn't contain my shock. I'd thought after the baby's birth I'd be asked to leave.

Gaara started to walk towards me but Sasuke moved in between us and stopped his approach. I understood Sasuke's orders to stay with me but Gaara wasn't a threat. Why was Sasuke acting this way? "I'd never had any intention of forcing you to leave. It's your choice. I won't let others force you to do something you don't want to do. I would like you to stay. It's nice being close to you and I'd like you to always be here," Gaara said.

His words sounded great. He could give me the one thing I'd always wanted, companionship. But it sounded like he wanted something more than friendship. "Gaara it sounds like your proposing," I said half heartedly because there was no way he could be serious.

We looked at each other. "That's up to you. It could be a proposal if you want it to be one," he said.

There was a long silence while I thought about the situation. Gaara was offering me a new life. If I wanted to, it could be a life with him. I thought about it. Gaara made me feel safe. He understood and listened to me like no one else. "I don't know what to say," I said. The situation was a complete surprise. How could I miss Gaara's feelings? He always wanted to protect me and he showed a lot of patience. He was everything a person could want, but there was something missing and I couldn't figure it out. Why didn't I see this coming?

"Dobe, I've already told you. You're returning to Konoha," Sasuke said from his spot between us. I looked towards him and glared. "You're not marrying him. There's only one place for you and that's back home," Sasuke said.

"I make my own choices," I screamed at him. I'd reached the end of my patience. He had no right to come in here and take over. I wanted choices. I needed control over my life. Why was it only Gaara understood that? Couldn't Sasuke see what he was doing to me?

Sasuke moved closer and gently ran his hand through my hair. "Naruto, I won't you let stay here with my son. You don't have a choice," Sasuke said.

"He has a choice. If he doesn't want to return he doesn't have to," Gaara said.

"Gaara it seems as though you don't want to protect the peace between our villages," Tsunade said as she entered the room.

"I want Naruto to be able to make his own choices. I won't let you bully him into doing what you want," Gaara said to Tsunade but the last part he directed at Sasuke.

Tsunade shook her head. "The village will never let him live somewhere else. I won't let him go either," she said.

Gaara looked towards Tsunade, "Under our treaty I'm bound to return any missing nin but the baby is a different story," Gaara said.

"What do you mean?" Sasuke said coldly.

"The baby was born in my village and is therefore a citizen. You can read the treaty for yourselves if you have any doubts. As you know I'm responsible for all of the Sand Village citizens," he said.

"Are you saying you'd hand over Naruto but keep the baby?" Tsunade asked.

"If Naruto goes back with you he'll be imprisoned and never see his child," Gaara said.

"If Naruto agrees to return he won't face prison time, but if he's forced back then I can't be held responsible," Tsunade said.

"If Naruto is forced back, then the child remains here. Unless you want to start a war then that will be your responsibility," Gaara said and then I understood. He was giving me choices. He would give me a home if I wanted it. If Tsunade forced the issue he would keep the baby. Of course, it wouldn't be allowed and it would cause an incident that could destroy peace between our villages, so for the greater peace, I would be able to stay. Of course, there would be stipulations that would need to be worked out. Gaara was creating a mess that would take years to work out in order to give me choices. If anyone else threatened to keep my baby, I would attack them, but even though Gaara said he would do it, I trusted him.

"He's my son. You can't keep him here," Sasuke said realizing Gaara's plans.

"I don't acknowledge that. Besides even if it's true it doesn't change my legal right an obligation to decide the future of my citizens."

"Fine but when Naruto agrees to return then he will take the baby and you relinquish all claims," Tsunade said. "He can remain here until that happens, but he won't be allowed to travel."

"So basically he can only leave this village to return to Konoha." Gaara said.

"Yes and of course Kakashi's team will remain here as well. Someone has to watch Naruto and make sure he gets the medical care he needs since you proved it's too much of a responsibility for you to handle," Tsunade said slightly angered by the outcome.

"Well then it's a good thing you were here," Gaara said. "Now, can I continue my conversation with Naruto?" Gaara asked.

"No," Sasuke said.

Tsunade looked at him. "Of course. He's a guest in your village, but Sasuke and I will remain here. Just in case you try to persuade Naruto to do something that's not beneficial," Tsunade said.

"That's not really necessary," Gaara said. "Naruto, I'll talk to you later, but remember what I said. I will help you."

Gaara started to walk toward the door. "Bye Gaara. I'll talk to you later." I said in order to tell him I wanted this conversation to be continued. He nodded in understanding before leaving.

"Are you going to force me to go home?" I asked.

"Naruto I can help you if you agree to return on your own, but if I force you back, you will be imprisoned and Gaara will make relations between our villages difficult. After some time, the child will be returned to Konoha, but the damage done to our villages' relationship will be irreversible. I'd rather not do that," Tsunade said.

I looked away and refused to answer. There was too much to think about and I really didn't want to think at all. "I'm going to check on the baby," I said before walking out the door.

I stood over Kei's crib looking down and waiting for Sasuke to enter and ruin the quiet moment between the two of us. He looked like an angel when sleeping. I knew that being partialy my child he would never be looked at as angelic. The overwhelming responsibility of being his parent finally hit me. The decisions I made would affect his whole life.

"He's perfect Naruto," Shikamaru said as he entered the room.

"I know," I said because it was true.

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru said.

I shook my head, "No you only did what you thought was best. Did you get into trouble?" I asked. After all, he was helping a missing nin.

"Not yet. No one knows where you are except the people you've seen," Shikamaru said.

"There going to force me home," I said.

"I think that's for the best. You have a lot of people who will help you in Konoha," he said.

"I don't want my choices taken away. I want to choose where I live and how to raise my child," Naruto said.

"But you're a ninja. That was the choice you made and as a ninja you can't just leave," Shikamaru said.

"So in the end, I don't have a choice," I said. Everything was out of control. My plans were ruined. I couldn't make decisions for my child and out of everything, that hurt the most. I wanted his life to be perfect, but the way things stood now, I'd be lucky if we could achieve a quarter of the things I had planned for us.

"I shouldn't be telling you this but if you want to remain in the Sand village, Gaara can make it happen," Shikamaru said.

"How?" I asked.

"I'm only telling you this because I'm partly responsible for what happened. This is my way of making up for it," Shikamaru said. Before I could contradict him and tell him he wasn't responsible, he continued, "Gaara's claim to the baby as a sand citizen gives him the right to make decisions for the child. If the village forces you back, it doesn't include the child. He will allow you to stay as a representative from the village and allow the child to be raised as a Konoha ninja. Tsunade and the council will agree in time. If you decide to stay, it can happen. You won't have complete freedom though. If they force you back, then all contact with the child will end, but I doubt Gaara will keep the baby. He will probably force the village to ignore your actions that led to you becoming a missing nin and then relinquish the Sand Village's claim of the child's citizenship." Shikamaru said. "Politics can be confusing, so don't worry about what's happening behind the scenes. If you really think Konoha will be completely unbearable, then you do have a choice. If you're fighting because you feel you need to prove something you can stop."

Did I have something to prove? I wanted choices and Gaara was giving me those. The one thing I needed to feel was power. "Shikamaru, Gaara offered me a place to stay but he offered me a place by his side. He wants to be more then friends." I don't know why I was confiding in him but he knew everything and for the last few months had helped me. He also saw how Gaara acted around me, what he did for me and if Shikamaru was going to give advice he needed to know everything.

"That is troublesome. Feelings will complicate the matter. Besides you don't love him."

He was right. I didn't love Gaara, not in the way I loved Sasuke. Loved? Did I still love Sasuke. This was too much. There was so much to think about that I couldn't think about anything else. Why did everything have to become so confusing? "I don't know what to do," I said.

"Right now just relax. You've just had a baby and I can imagine how overwhelmed you must feel but stop and think about it. Remain calm and level headed. I'm leaving on a mission tomorrow," Shikamaru said.

"You're going?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, but I'm a ninja and I don't get to choose where I go," he said.

In his own way he was telling me I didn't really have a choice either. Even though I could remain here with Gaara, I had other obligations. "Bye Shikamaru," I said.

"Sasuke can be a bastard, but he will help you and don't take the things he might have said literally. Talk to him. Goodbye Naruto," Shikamaru said walking out the door.

Talk to Sasuke? Was that possible now? It had been months since we really talked, but now we had an important reason to. Maybe it was time to get things out. If I decided to remain here with Gaara or go back with Sasuke, certain things needed to be said and understood.

Sasuke entered shortly afterwards. "Sasuke," I started to say but stopped myself. I wanted to know if he trusted me. Could we be parents together? What happened to us? What were we? But I couldn't ask anything.

After a long silence Sasuske spoke, "What is it Naruto?" He stood and walked over towards me and sat on the edge of the bed.

"It's nothing," I said unable to ask any of the things I wanted to know. He didn't respond, but he waited. He knew my inability to stay quiet for long periods of time. The questions started to appear in my mind and before I knew it one escaped my lips. "Do you regret what happened? Do you wish it never happened?"

I couldn't meet his eyes and the silence between us lasted awhile before he asked, "Do you?"

I immediately shook my head no. "I love Kei and he exists because of that night, but you didn't ask for this and I heard you tell the council that you didn't want children. If you are here because of obligation, I don't want that. You can go at anytime."

"I don't regret what happened. Naruto, you are important to me and I won't let you go. I might have told the council I didn't want children, but that's changed. I won't deny my son."

"Sasuke, I'm afraid. Over the last few months I replayed parts of my childhood. Everyone hated me. I can't allow that to happen to Kei."

"Don't be stupid. It won't be the same. Kei will have us," he said.

"That might not work out. Sasuke there is something I have to tell you." I took a deep breath before I spoke again. "What if my feelings for you are not purely those of a friend? It's possible there might be something more," I said.

"You really are slow. I didn't have sex with you because of our friendship. There has been something going on between us for sometime."

"What is it?" I asked, hoping he would find the words to describe us. Was this love? I thought it might be at one time but everything is so confusing. I felt an attachment to Gaara and I trusted him. Everything with Gaara felt safe, but I didn't want him.

"I don't know, but we can figure it out," he said. I saw Gaara and Sasuke and envisioned my life with both of them. Why was everything so confusing?

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**AN**: Thanks to all reviewers. The reviews lets me know if the story is working or if something needs to be added. Chapter 16 is about halfway done and it will still need to be edited after it is written, so it will be about two weeks before it is posted. Remember to review. 


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